It’s tricky on many levels, writing about personal decisions online. People tend to want to read between the lines, and look for deeper and hidden motives. People want to anticipate my decisions, and guess what I am really thinking. To the best of my ability, I am saying what I am really thinking. It’s self-referential, even narcissistic to write about yourself, and as much as I do it, it always creeps me out a bit, but the blog is an open account of my life, and I mean to be faithful to that.
  But I mean what I say. As honestly as I can put it.
  I am going to think through this decision about leaving the farm carefully and deliberately – and as openly as I can. And I am not near a decision. I go back and forth. My guess is I will be on the farm for a good long time. Nobody is going to buy an uptate New York farm this time of year, and I am going forth with a lot of work that requires me to be here. So is Maria.
  We are both comfortable here. There is no rush. I don’t have to sell it, and I don’t have to stay here. The farm is a potent idea, and it means something to me and others, and that is a good  reason to be both cautious and deliberate. Yesterday, I was dying to write that we were staying here, period. But that isn’t the way to make decisions, I’ve learned. Time to grow up.
  Some decisions are made for you. I see that I have a deep connection to the farm, and that leaving it would be disruptive and very difficult. I see that the farm will be worth more if I wait a bit, and, in any case, nobody is rushing to buy it at the moment.
  I’m surely not going anywhere until I finish my next novel and book of short stories. That already takes me into the summer.
  A few weeks ago, I thought I needed to sell the farm to bring sanity and order to my life. I feel differently. Eventually, it will make sense to leave here. It’s too big, expensive and labor intensive, animals or not. For now, it seems to be making sense to do nothing. I don’t need to  make any decision today. But I  feel it’s valuable to share it. So I’ll keep doing that until I get sick of myself.