Day: March 7, 2010

I love the look Frieda gets when she has spotted something, out on the path. She is a true hunter.

It’s been awhile since Izzy and I chased sunsets on Callaway Road, and my life has certainly changed since the last visit. It is as beautiful as ever, and it was lovely so sit there with Izzy for awhile in the quiet. I think I am mourning the past a bit, which is healthy, but only up to a point.

I’ve lost a lot, and am thinking of many of the things I have lost. But I have gained as much or more, and isn’t that the nature of things? I am not a fan of nostalgia, which I think is a hiding place for people who don’t want to move forward. Yesterday always seems better to people than today, and I guess I don’t share that view. But Callaway Road gives me strength, and perspective and I am eager to revisit in the Spring.

I guess it is not an easy thing, Learning to Love. By definition, it involves change, sharing, listening, giving, opening. I never gave up on love. I hope I never do.

I receive messages every day from people suffering the most intense grieving for their dogs, cats or other animals. This is a subject I want to write more about. Andrea put her Boston Terrier down after $9,000 in surgical and other bills and is so tormented by her decision that she hasn’t slept for  weeks and is on medication. She may lose her job as well, as she can’t focus on her work.

As animals mean more and more to people, animal grieving is becoming a problem. I told Andrea she needs to give herself permission to say goodbye, and to let go. She made the best  decision she could for the dog, it is a personal one and only she can make it, and now it is time to move on. There are lots of other dogs out there who need a place to go.

Animals are not people. They are not children. They are not spouses or life partners. We ought not mourn them the same way we mourn people, as it is disservice to humans and animals. As much as we love them, they do not live nearly as long as we do, and if we want a life with animals, we will experience loss and grief.

The epidemic guilt is another matter. Vets tell me they are struggling mightily with animal grieving, and few of them are trained to deal with it. It is become worse, even extreme. I think the process of coming to terms with losing an animal begins before you get the animal. Do you have a vet you trust and can talk to?

Do you know how much money you will spend and can afford? Does the dog’s illness or death raise other issues in your life from other times? I am working on a philosophy I call Ethical Grieving, which involves perspective,  boundaries and an understanding that we are the only advocates our dogs and cats and other animals have. Contrary to popular belief, they will not tell us when it’s time. These decisions are ours and ours alone to make on their behalf, and they never need us more than when we find the strength and wisdom to make them well. I will return to this subject in the next few weeks. It’s important.

Going to the Argyle United Presbyterian Church this morning. Working on a book proposal, new idea. Working on my short story book. Reading three books. Walking dogs. Maria is at work all day. I’ll miss her. Will be writing about Learning to Love.

My creative status:

First children’s book “Meet The Dogs Of Bedlam Farm” will be out next Spring.

“Rose In A Storm,” my novel, will be out this October.

FInishing my untitled short story collection, out next Spring or Summer hopefully.

Next week I begin my storytelling workship at the Lower Adirondack Regional Arts Center (LARAC). The four-week workship is full up,but we will do it again in August for anyone who is interested.

Notecards from Bedlam Farm are now on sale at Redux. Spring and Mother’s Day cards are coming this week. Flowers, chickens, eggs.