Day: March 22, 2010

I very much like the idea of permitting life to happen, rather than running around trying to control it. Sometimes, life reveals itself. Two years ago, I sat at this table, angry, terrified, depressed, hanging on by my fingernails and nothing that happened after that was anything I imagined, predicted, or even understood, from my divorce to my photography to my fiction and children’s books, to  Maria.

Today I am in a different place. My life is not perfect, but I have come a ways and learned some things. I hope I never stop doing that.

Life cannot, I think, be produced, even by Boomer parents driving their kids to soccer games. It does, in fact, reveal itself in its own unpredictable time and way. I am not in charge of the process. Joseph Campbell’s Heroes Journey always shadows me on my odd trip up to Bedlam Farm and the country.

Tonight, I felt a sadness, a sense of mourning perhaps, for these last few exhausting and exhilarating years. I have a few days off and I want to use them to mourn, I think, the things and people that I lost and left behind, the people who left me behind.

I want to sleep late and read more (reading Michael Lewis tonight and Peter Kessler’s wonderful book about China, “Country Driving.” And a book of short stories about Haiti.

I am lucky to have gotten through these times, sometimes awful, sometimes wondrous, and thus feel very obliged to be open about what I have done and seen and share as much of it as I can, keeping very much in mind some other soul sitting as his or her computer, angry and terrified, and hanging on by their fingernails.

I get their messages all the time, every day, and I know them and they know me. And now, we are a community, bonded in a shared experience. And hopefully, in the knowledge that there is help and hope and love and promise. And there is no glory in quitting or running away.

The chicken notecards have been finished (amazing work by The Image Loft of Manchester, Vt., an idea palace of amazing quality) along with flower and egg notecards (see below). All three are on sale at the Redux Art Gallery in Dorset, Vt., and are available for viewing and sale on their website (or they will be on the website shortly). I am working on stone wall and barn notecards for summer.

Maria has made her second Sparky Bag (already sold). She wrote on her blog that if we sold the farm, she might burn down the Studio Barn rather than let anybody else work in there. Hmmm. Might be a reason to pause. She is only making  a few bags, as they are time-consuming, but it is great fun to see them evolve.

I had good creative news as well. I finished the first round of my short story book, and have been instructed by everyone in my life – agent, editor, Maria – to take a few days off. They don’t realize that I don’t know how to do that, and have never done that. The very idea panics me. It is suggested that except for the blog, I not write for a few days. I am allowed to take photos and read.

Thursday, I have the second round of the story-telling workshop at LARAC in Glens Falls. And Friday, my daughter Em is coming up and we are making a joint appearance at the Red Fox Bookstore in Glens Falls. She will read from her new book “90 per cent of the game is half mental,” and I will offer a sneak preview of my new novel, “Rose In A Storm.” And we will be happy to talk about writing. Pearl is coming, (the Yellow Lab who lived her and moved to Brooklyn with Em) and her former vet, Jeff Meyer says he might be coming as well to heckle Em (he is a huge Mets fan).

I have the feeling it will be a fun evening. Izzy and Rose got their annual checkups today. Both are in great shape, although Izzy has to shed a few winter pounds.

Tomorrow I have to take my truck in for service and inspection and go shopping. I have to think about this time off thing. I have a new book idea, and I have a sequel to the novel to do.

For me, some of the most powerful elements of a stone wall are the spaces in between them, which reveal the light and shape of the world in a particular way. I am doing a Bedlam Farm notecard stone wall series for the summer, and barns also.

I am getting floods of interesting e-mail about growing older and also about leaving the farm. At times like this, the blog is a miracle. It’s reach is far, its readers thoughtful and encouraging. And honest.

The farm mail is about evenly divided between people urging me to stay, as the farm has been a productive and meaningful place, and people who believe change is healthy, and that my new life with Maria suggests it might be time to move on. The messages are helpful, meaningful and interesting and I am reading them, sharing them with Maria, and I appreciate them. They have already taught me a lot and given me a lot to think about. And I am thinking about them.

Jessie Wong passed along this question from Tao-te-ching: “Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”

I would say the answer to both questions has often been no. But I would like it to be yes, so I am really into this message.

Also, from Betty Cameron in Alaska this very wonderful message which I will paste up by my computer this week:

“Jon, I’m 62 and many of my same age friends have decided that they’re too old to do any thing. They are in good health, what a shame! I’m looking for a small hobby farm, learning how to quilt and spin wool, designing my garden journal, building an addition to our small cabin in Alaska, learning how to kayak — I could go on. Thanks for your wonderful books and blog.”

Wow. Thank you, Betty. I feel sluggish. If I weren’t in love, I’d book a flight to Alaska and propose to Betty.  I love every word of this message.  This is not a person living in the narrow expectations of others.

Live. Work. Create.

As Christine Nemec says, this is a “fresh” direction for me creatively, and a use of photographs that people can hopefully afford. Two new sets of Bedlam Farm notecards are now for sale at Redux (they will be up on the Redux site shortly, if not already) but here is a look at two of them.

In addition to the flowers and eggs, there is also a chicken series of notecards on sale. I’ll put up some photos of them later.