There is something ancient, soothing and peaceful about a lamb and a ewe, making their way through the world together. There is a lot of bad news, and yet in their own little world, everything is as it should be and has been for thousands of years. The two set out together several times a day to forage for food, and in the late morning, they come down for water. Sometimes, Bartleby is left to lie in the grass for awhile while his mother eats and takes a break. They they call out to one another, and reunite.
If bad news is getting to you, then consider Bartleby and his mother for a moment, and it may settle you down.
Sometimes, at night, the Studio Barn seems to steam, or hum, Maria’s mind filled with colors and shapes. This is how I picture the Studio Barn looks to her, sitting up on its hill, as she cranks out quilts, bags, potholders. She is no longer my girlfriend, but my fiance. I went to the bank today to try and hand over documents so that I could sell a small parcel of land I own nearby – dealing with banks these days is pretty challenging if you don’t love paperwork and documentation – and I am glad that in the country, people still know one another. I am considering joining a credit union, as I don’t think I want much to do with banks.
Credit unions are non-profit, and people answer telephones there.
Got to have the pasture brushhogged tomorrow. Grass getting too tall. Getting floral wreaths for the donkeys, who may make an appearance at the wedding. Lenore will be flower girl, Rose will mind the sheep, Frieda will be as far away as we can get her, Izzy will be main usher. My daughter Emma will be Best Man. She will read something at the wedding, God help me.
I’ve gotten to the point where whenever I do a chore – firewood, photos, feeding the sheep or donkeys – I bring a dog. More and more it’s Frieda (not when we are working sheep.). Lenore loves to come along and hang out with her. Frieda is great at sitting with me – she especially loves photo shoots. Yesterday the two of them watched me haul firewood into the barn. The two of them are great together.
I’m never good on specific dates, but this is roughly the Fifth Anniversary of the Bedlam Farm Journal, inspired by my life here and by some old Farm Journals I found where farmers recorded the details of their lives in diary form. The journals were very powerful, and I decided I would follow that inspiration and keep a record of my life here.
The Journal turned out to be something very different than I imagined. It is to me a sort of living book, a diary, an open and hopefully honest account of a life. The Journal promotes my work – my writing and photography as well – something I didn’t really foresee when I started it. It began as a sort of communical web community – lots of people on the site besides myself. That didn’t work out. The Journal isn’t a dialogue, really, but a monologue, not an online conversation but my account of my life.
I did not imagine that tens of thousands of people from all over this country and the world would follow the Journal regularly and find some inspiration from it. I appreciate it, and will try and live up to the responsibility.
Some turning points.
When I decided not to open the Journal up to comments, avoiding the chaos and hostility that engulfs so much of the Net.
When I decided to share my struggles with anxiety, depression, a search for a spiritual life, the collapse of my personal life and a near breakdown. I decided to be open within limits, and share some, but not nearly all of my private life.
When I began taking photographs and posting them on the site.
When I branched out onto Facebook and Twitter.
I am comfortable with the Journal now, heading into its sixth year. I don’t foresee many more changes. It turned out to be a more or less faithful record of my life, as important to me as it is to some others out there. I have some friends who find the very idea of this kind of blog insane, incomprehensible. I’ve come to love it, and I can’t imagine life without it. As I finish another year on the Farm Journal, I promise to keep it going, post as often I can, be honest and open about my life and my creative process, and to read and respond to as many of your messages as I can. There is a new reality here – Maria and marriage – and that has only enriched my life and my account of it. Thanks for your support.
