The Stonewall notecard series, one of my favorites, is available for viewing and sale at the Redux Gallery and site. This and other photos will be sold as notecards in our “Creative Union” show 1 p.m., Saturday, July 24 at Redux in Dorset, Vt. Maria will be selling her potholders, cell cases and eyeglass cases. Nothing for more than $15.
I’ve come to understand recently that I have no idea what I am like. I’m not sure who the real me is, but I know he was displaced early by a different version, one who gathered the tools he needed to survive and walled himself off from the world. I am peering out cautiously.
I hope the new me is a nice guy. I know who I want him to be. I want him to be calm, peaceful, loving, humorous, generous and creative. But then, we all want that. I am done using fear and other devices to cloak myself from life, and as an excuse to hide from it. I had many issues, but I have worked hard to deal with them, and face up to them. Now I want to move forward and do my work, tell my stories, take my photos, share life with my girl.
I am understanding that like the rest of us, I did the best I could. That will have to do.
Right now, there are sheep in all three of my fenced-in pastures, and Rose is busy moving them from one to another (we rotational graze on the farm, eating down one meadow, them giving it a couple of weeks to restore itself). Rose gets to work every day. In the fall, the sheep are returning to Vermont. Rose will get to rest, chase frisbees, run with the ATV and play with Lenore. I’m glad she’ll get a rest. I’m glad I will be able to focus on my writing, and not haul hay through the snow and ice.
June 24, 2010 – On the hero’s journey, there are always demons at the gate – fear, money, health, people who line up to tell you why you can’t do what you want to do, or be what you want to be. I am working to build a spiritual center. This is not necessarily centered on a God, or the God that so many people love to talk about. My notion of a a spiritual center is closer to this – find and give love, learn to be calm, do not live from a place of fear, tell your story in every way you can. Sometimes, especially later, I do hear God whispering to me. Usually around color and light.
Sometimes, I am just learning to know myself. Not the crazy and fearful person who ran around for so many years hiding from his life, but a different person – calmer, more loving and open. I find myself in the presence of love. In the company of good and gentle men. In the light of my work. After all this, the first stirrings of a truly spiritual life. It will be hard work, and the demons at the gate are waiting for me. I will greet them,thank them for the presence, and get on with my life.
