Day: January 1, 2011

Coyotes had been out on the path at night – scat everywhere – and the dogs were mesmerized.

Maria and I went to see “True Grit,” tonight, a Coen brothers remake of the John Wayne classic based on the very different novel by Charles Portis. I enjoyed the movie, although it is always disconcerting for me to see Jeff Bridges on the screen, as it was bizarre to see him playing me. I don’t really like to talk much about the movie, although people want to hear about it. I was pretty crazy at the time, and I always saw “A Dog Year” as a funny book, a mad intro into my world of writing about dogs and animals and coming to the farm. The movie people saw it differently.

I did not see myself at all in the Jon Katz played by Bridges, although he is an awesome actor and the movie is under no obligation to be faithful to me or my book. It’s a movie, and a movie is different from a book. And I much enjoyed talking to Jeff Bridges during the shoot. “True Grit” was a perfect vehicle for Jeff, and he took advantage of it. I thought it was great, and a good new New Year’s tradition for Maria and I. I think this year will be an important one for both of us. I’m sure Charles Portis didn’t see a lot of his touching novel in the film either. I love the things we know about and can’t wait to discover the things we don’t.

Last night I attended a dinner sponsored by the Methodist Church of Salem and Hebron to benefit the Bedlam Corners General Store, which was damaged during a Christmas week fire. There were well over 100 people there buying their ham dinners, more people than I have ever seen gathered in my town. The General Store inspired the name for Bedlam Farm, and is the center of this beautiful, small hamlet. I am thinking of ways to help myself – a reading, talk or selling photos or notecards to benefit the effort to rebuild the store, which unfortunately had no insurance. Marie the owner is determined to rebuild and the town is determined to help her. A good goal for 2011, to see the General Store, on which so many depend, open again.  A beacon in a Wal-Mart world.

So John Lennon, and the hippies, and Mary Oliver and Fats Domino and Buddy Holly had it right after all. Love is everything.

And Happy New Year, it seems.

We live in a sometimes humorless, anger, violent and tense world, but that, for me, is a choice, not the reality of life.

My world is not humorless. Or angry. Or violent. And most days, not fearful. And not loveless.Those are my choices for myself, for my life and for this year. There are people who live in drama, lament, anxiety and confusion, and I know because for most of my life, I have been one of them, and sometimes am one of them still. My wishes for my year are to continue to be creative, to tell my story. To work hard to shed the fear and lament and anxiety that once helped me survive, and now constitute a world in which I do not wish to live.

I absorb lots of words in a year. My own, various writers, poets, philosophers, wise and dead men and women. But none have been more stirring for me, or better characterized by wishes for my new year and for yours than the ones that were read at my wedding to my beloved Maria in June, from the poet Mary Oliver:

“What I want to say is

that the past is the past,

and the present is what your life is,

and you are capable

of choosing what will be,

darling citizen.

So come to the pond,

or the river of your imagination,

or the harbor of your longing,

and put your lips to the world.

And live

your life.”

— “Mornings at Blackwater,” by Mary Oliver

This is my wish for the New Year, to live my life. No one can give it to me, no one can take it away. I have fallen into dark and fearful places, and with the help of some magical spirits, and hard, hard, work, have crawled out to return to life. I have come to the pond, and the river of my imagination, and I have regrets but no apologies, and work to do, so much work to do.

I am looking forward, not back, and rewriting the story of my life. I can’t change the past, but I imagine the future.

I have come also to the harbor of my longing, and found what I have so long sought, and together, we are putting our lips to the world. And living our lives. I choose life. I wish the same for all of you.