Day: September 25, 2011

Got a beautiful message from a veterinarian Dr. Gretchen Goode of Cincinnati. She wrote that as a veterinarian she has a hard time some days being strong. “It’s hard euthanizing someone’s pet, but I take pride in trying to make the pet and the owner as comfortable as possible. I routinely tell people “Your boss or co-workers might not understand, but I do.” But rarely does someone outside our profession understand the “compassion fatigue” we suffer from.” She read my interview with Reuters and my quote”It’s important to remember that the animals are not grieving with us. They’re very accepting. They’re not lying there thinking “How could you do this to me? Why aren’t you keeping me going?’Pets don’t do the human things of guilt and anger and recrimination that we do. They come and go with great acceptance.”

The quote, she said, “made a hard week better.” That was very nice to hear. I got the idea for “Going Home” from vets at the North American Veterinary Conference where I was speaking two years ago. I always thought of the book as being helpful to people who have lost pets, but the idea that it could also help vets themselves is very powerful and gratifying. Thank you, Dr. Goode

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For personalized, signed copies of “Going Home,”  or the “Going Home” video call Battenkill Books at 518 677 2515, or e-mail them at [email protected]. Connie Brooks has received nearly 400 pre-orders and I am going to be at the bookstore from noon on,when the books arriving, signing all of them, hopefully and getting them out Tuesday, pub date. Honor your pet and support a great independent bookstore, my bookstore, if you are so inclined. I’ll be taking as many calls (Maria too) as I can for people ordering books.

Darryl Kuehne came bye for the last 10 sheep and they are back in Vermont. The farm feels a bit lighter to me, and I think Rose is ready for a good winter’s rest. This was a good lot. The only problem we had was the amount of moisture which caused some hoof damage and other sickness. We are planning to have them back in the Spring. We’ve ramped up a bit on animals here, adding Simon, a rooster and two hens, and it feels good for me for the load to lighten up a bit, at least for awhile.

I know some of you will miss photos and videos of Rosie working, but I have plenty I can put up over the winter and I will from time to time.

On this book tour, perhaps more than any other, I need to get my head straight. Normally on a book tour, I tell my story and people question me about it. Like the “Going Home” video, this experience will be more interactive.  I will be hearing lots of stories about grief and loss and meeting lots of people who want to share their stories of grief. That will be intense. There are many people in the world who get impatient with people who grieve openly and intensely about dogs or cats or other animals they have lost. It is easy to do that, and I have sometimes done it myself. To say, well get over it. Get another dog.Time to move on. It’s just a cat.

I’ve learned that is not helpful. And not true. Grieving is such a personal thing, and while it will be a challenge to hear so many stories for a month and talk to so many people, it is also an opportunity to get my mind focused on the subject and my response to it.  I believe that grieving is personal, individual. There is no single right or wrong way to do it. You do it in the way that works for you, in the time it takes. That is one of the messages of the book. Nobody should tell you how to get a dog. Nobody should tell you how to grieve for a cat.

I will be asked – many times – how I approach the subject of grieving, and I will be honest about that. For me, there is very little that is sad about living with dogs. They are a source of great love, comfort and joy to me. The glorious history of people and dogs is one of service, protection, companionship, support, and if dogs could speak or think like us, I do not believe for a second that one of them would want us to see our story together as one of grief and loss.

I do not generally grieve for long periods, and I am always eager to get another dog.  I am coming to see that life happens to all of us, and that death is an integral part of life. In our culture we seem perpetually shocked by this. We think we can forestall it, avoid it, use some technology to change reality.

But as I saw in hospice work, death is sad, but not only sad. The memories and emotions of animals in our lives can be one of the most healing and uplifting experiences in our lives, even when the animals are gone, when they die, as they all must.

And there are all kinds of people grieving. Some want to feel better, some are not yet ready, some do not really want to. My task as an author and as the writer of this books is to accept it all these stories, to let these feelings pass through  me and not take them on as my own, and never judge them. On a book tour, there are natural boundaries and structures, and that is a good thing. There are other people to consider, limited time, books to sign, people in line, other people’s stories to hear. It is important, when considering grief, to also consider the other people around. Almost everyone on this book tour has experienced the loss of a beloved pet. In a way our stories are the same. In a way, they are different.

The point of this book was to be helpful and sympathetic, and I can already see that the book is helping people and that is the center of the experience for me. I feel very good about this book. I am eager to share my stories and hear yours. It will be an important book tour. I am eager to get out there.

The last of the sheep are heading out this morning, back to Vermont. Then the book tour will erupt Monday morning, when I start doing interviews. Tuesday morning around noon, I’ll pop up at the Barnes & Noble in Saratoga Springs to sign some books and then go to Albany for an interview with Joe Donahue on Northeast Public Radio, WAMC (2 p.m.) That evening, I’ll have my first public talk and signing at Barnes & Noble in Colonie (Albany, N.Y.) 7 p.m.