7 November

Happy Birthday. My Truest Life

by Jon Katz
Happy Birthday

I have a daughter, an only child and I have never told her that the most profound, incomparable and enduring moment of my life was when she came out into the world and opened her bright eyes and looked me in the eye, as I stood, mesmerized, speechless and in awe, as she came to life. What a moment in my life, what photo, what book could compare with that sense of miraculous wonder, especially after the  losses before her.

And so many years later, just a few days ago,  this weekend was her 30th birthday, and I was on my book tour and had been for a month and I forgot about it, and she called to tell me about the party she had had with her lover and her friends and I started to say of course I remembered, but happily,  and because I don’t lie anymore, to anyone, and instead said, “I’m sorry, I forgot,” and  said again that I was sorry that I had forgotten the birthday and she said she understood, and she did, sweet thing, but I could not explain to her what I felt, not guilt, because things happen, and guilt is pointless, but the way life works, and that we live far apart and are not much in the lives of one another, although we are very connected and very close. And that a 30th birthday is important, and of course I should have remembered it, because it is so much more important than a book tour.

And so failing to have words, I e-mailed her this poem by Wendell Berry, which I happened upon tonight, as I was sitting alone in the farmhouse reading. The poem is from “Leavings,” and it is the first one I came upon when I opened the book. And has that ever happened to you, friend, that when you open a book, something you need appears in front of you?

 

“How many of your birthdays

I have by now been

glad of! And all that time

I’ve been trying to tell you

how with you was born

my truest life and most

desired, the better man by your birth I am,

however fallen short. I’ll never get it right

by half.

Between us, by now, what

is more telling than the silence

in which once more an old

redbud simply blooms?”

7 November

Taking Back My Health. Update.

by Jon Katz
Taking Back My Health

 

This morning I visited a wonderful new addition to my health care, a chiropractor in Manchester, Vt., who has, in several weeks, eliminated the soreness and arch issues that have been causing me some discomfort for much of my life, as far back as my teens. She also eliminated the shoulder and elbow pain I was feeling from hauling my 50 lbs of camera and lenses  around all day for years. She supports my ideas about health, and talks to me about my health, and  I enjoy knowing her as much as I appreciate feeling good. I see how much of health is preventive and attitudinal, and how little conventional health care often has to do with health.

I’ve always had some foot issues, and a  dozen years ago, an orthopedic surgeon urged me to undergo foot surgery that would have broken 17 different bones in each foot and replaced many of them with metal screws. I declined. A few years ago, a doctor told me I ought to go on diabetes medication for the rest of my life, and he said I could not control this with diet and exercise and lifestyle choices.  Another doctor prescribed  Lipitor as a preventive against high cholesterol. And another urged me to consider experimental prostate cancer medication – he said I might grow breasts – because, he said, “you don’t want to die that way.” Yet another physician urged me to consider blood pressure medication, as my blood pressure was sometimes a little higher than he liked to see. A medicating psychiatrist told me that since anxiety was prevalent in my family, I needed medication to control it, and he urged me to continue taking the sleeping medication I had been taking for 30 years.  These doctors were making me feel sick and unhealthy. Why else would I need all these medications? And tests? And visits?

I decided to change my health care a few years ago, and I have. I am on no medications other than vitamins. I am healthy and feeling healthier, even as I hear so many people around me talk to me about their doctors, medications, ailments. I see a spiritual counselor, who has helped me to meditate, sleep and listen to myself when it comes to health, and not only others. I am seeing a naturopath who is working with me on nutrition to maintain my health and energy, and that has also been very successful for me. I understand that anxiety and anger are just as lethal as many diseases and peace and fulfillment among the best drugs on earth.  I am no Superman, and I have my share of aches and pains. My massage therapist has helped me with those.  I am just beginning to feel healthy, and the further I get from conventional medicine, the healthier I feel. All of these doctors were wrong, and they were all didactic and absolute in their declarations and prescriptions – all of which involved pills and money.

I know there are many good doctors in conventional medicine, and I know that medicine is sometimes effective. But I am very happy with my sense of taking back my health, and my health care. Only four or five percent of Americans seek alternative ideas in health care, and I understand why.  Medicine is a fear machine in many ways, frightening us with the idea that we might die or suffer great harm if we don’t test and medicate ourselves and submit to complex procedures.  I can’t speak for anyone else, or tell anyone else what to do – nor do I wish to – but that has not been true for me. The system I encountered was irrational, greedy and dysfunctional and for me, the path to health has been frightening and challenging, but I am more comfortable with it every day.

I am active in preventive care, aware of my body, feeling strong and clear. I cannot say how much I love being free of medications, or how good that  feels. If it shortens my life in some way, good deal for me. I don’t want to live forever.

For me, it is a Leap Of Faith. Understanding body and soul. Trusting my own instincts. Living a self-determined life.

Oh yeah, I’ve added a Tarot Card Reader and an Animal Communicator to the team. I think I will live a long time.

7 November

The Palace of Love. The Kiss.

by Jon Katz
The Palace Of Love

 

I got up early this morning to read the Kabbalah, the mystical writing of the ancients, and a wonderful part of my life. I especially loved this:

“These letters are four spirits – spirits of love and delight of all limbs of the body, with no sadness at all. There are four spirits in a kiss, each blending with its companion; and when one spirit blends with another, and the other blends with this, they become two and two as one…As they separate from those four spirits is formed one fruit, one spirit composed of four spirits, and this ascends, splitting the heavens until it rises and settles by a certain palace called the Palace of Love, a palace upon which all love depends, and that spirit is similiarly called Love. When this spirit ascends, it arouses that palace to unite above.”

As I read this strange and beautiful passage, I think of the farm as a Palace Of Love, and our homes as such a palace, a place upon which all love depends. The kiss is everywhere on the farm, and all love depends on it, I think.  And I think sometimes we need to take back religion, and return it to wonderful, loving and affirming faith the mystics meant it to be? Can you imagine all the angry spirits on television, invoking religion while desecating its spirit, ascending to a Palace Of Love? Perhaps one day.

7 November

High-Heeled Potholders. With Attitude. Sold Out!

by Jon Katz

High-Heeled Potholders

 

This weekend, Maria took some discarded fabric and vanished into her magical Studio Barn and out came 20 High-Heel Potholders, a revolutionary evolution in potholders. Now, it seems they have a voice. I’m not sure if there are any of these left or not, but you can check them out at fullmoonfiberart. Whoops, just got the word. They are all sold. These really got to me, and I have always been a potholder fan. In challenging times, creative people get creative.

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