Day: November 25, 2011

A friend shot a deer during hunting season this week and came by to show it to me. And I put it up because it is real life, and the real world of real animals, and not just appealing photos of animals, which I mostly show, and also because it illustrates what I am writing about in many ways. I live in the real world, and am grateful for it. I would not want to live in any other world.

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Maria and I cherish our time together and for many reasons, but we also have separate and independent lives, as any healthy couple does. Sunday she was invited to a Tarot Card reading conducted by a group of friends she has been spending time with and enjoying very much. Being a sweet soul, she asked me if I was sorry I had not been invited, and if I wanted to come. I said no, I was not expecting to be invited and didn’t wish to come. This was one of those friendship things that women tend to develop more than men. In my life, women prize friendship more than men, and find time for it. And forge very powerful connections, often stronger than family.

The men I have known seem to value friendship in a sort of reflexive way, but only if it doesn’t interfere with work, sports, chores around the house, and reading the news.  Maria and her friends have already had a riotous time at a nearby Thrift Shop and are looking for things to do together and I not only think that is a beautiful thing but understand viscerally that I don’t really belong there. A man would throw it off. And I can’t say I really want to go.

I am not sad that Maria is doing a fun thing with friends – some of them are my good friends too – but I suspect I will never find such a group of men, who will take time out from their lives week after week and make sure we spent time together, talk to one another, share in the kind of bond I see many women have.

I have had many friends in my life and am in touch with few of them.  I know some men who have powerful friendships and have kept them, but they seem rare to me.. I think I have always been easier in the company of women than men. And I often tell people that the only men I really am comfortable with were either tortured as children or humiliated as adults. Somehow, I don’t see that changing.  And I am happy it is different for Maria.

A neighbor said I could go hunting with him if I wished. Another invited me to watch a football game Sunday.  I can’t say I want to do either of those things either. Perhaps I am just not really good at doing manly things. I suspect I will be at home, walking with Simon or reading “The Art Of Fielding” by Chad Harbach. And then, heading out into the woods if the hunters are gone to take some photos of November Light. I will love that. Sometimes I do wish I could sit down with a group of men and have fun and talk openly about our lives. Once or twice in my life, that has happened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Had a good and important day today. Maria sold out her Plaid Sunday potholders by breakfast, and that was exciting to see.

I went to Battenkill Books at ll a.m. and took calls from all over the country – Alaska, California, Montana, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, talked to some lovely and interesting people. We had lots of calls and I enjoyed the conversations. We sold and signed a lot of books. It was very successful and we will do it again from 4 to 6 p.m. on December 2. You can call me there at 518 677 2515 and also order copies of any of my books at that number and  I will sign and personalize them. And Connie Brook will give you free videos and Bedlam Farm Notecards. Jenna Woginrich, author of “Barnheart” and the creator of the terrific website came by and Connie Brooks says we are selling a lot of each other’s books on our blogs. That’s nice too. “Barnheart,” coming out next week, is a passionate account of a young writer’s eagerness for a farm.

Then I went to Gardenworks at 2 p.m.and signed another bunch of books there. So a happy and rewarding day. And yes, I am tired.

Lots of people are clamoring for Simon’s bray, and I generally don’t take orders for videos but these touched my heart, and fortunately, Simon’s brays are plentiful. Come and see his bray, his handling of Rose, and the feisty and inquisitive chicken Meg take a ride on Simon’s back.

 

 

Yesterday was, in many ways, my first Thanksgiving. Not really, not technically, but in many ways. Thanksgiving was always a difficult holiday for me, family issues, a sense of estrangement, troubles as a kid. Lots of guilt, pressure, conflict. I never cooked a turkey before yesterday, never did Thanksgiving with anyone, never made stuffing. I was always outside of the process, outside of the kitchen, like many men. We struggle with the processes of family and emotion, and recuse ourselves walking dogs, hunting, watching football, reading our books off in our chairs.

Thanksgiving can be distancing for us, even lonely amidst our families, our friends. We are sometimes there, sometimes not. Yesterday it was different. I cooked the turkey with Maria. Made the stuffing with her. Stayed in the kitchen. Was at the center of Thanksgiving, not the edges. And today, waking up on a day I call Bright Friday, heading off to Battenkill Books to sell copies of “Going Home” and other books with Connie Brooks (call me. 518 677-2515) with Maria (she sold out of her potholders this morning), I realized that yesterday was my First Thanksgiving. I was at the center of the process with a full and open heart, not at the edges, where so many find themselves. And it was beautiful all day, in every way. And I told myself that one ought never to give up on life, at any point, at any age, because you can always find life if your mind is open and your heart is full and you understand that love is the point, love is the process, love is the reason.

This is Bright Friday.

Don’t give up on life.

It is never too late to live your life.

When they tell  you that you can’t afford it

Or that you are no good at it

Or that it’s too difficult

Or that it’s too late

Or that this economy is too poor

Or this world too dangerous

Or you have a mortgage

Or you need health care

Or that our world is collapsing

And that you can’t change

your life

And there is no hope

And you have too many kids

And college bills to pay

Or that you need to have a friendly talk

with your doctor,

And give him money to buy your diapers

And take your pills.

Or when they tell  you

that you aren’t good enough,

and that noone wants to hear your story.

Or you feel too guilty

Or too scared.

Don’t give up on life.

It is never too late

for life.

Don’t listen to people who tell you that you can’t live your life. Listen to people who say you can.

I can tell you this because

I did not give up on life and never will.