I suspect I will never again in my life live in quite so beautiful a place as Bedlam Farm, my front and back yards spaces of breathtaking beauty. I am ready to move on, I need and and want to move on, but I do feel the power of this quite wonderful farm. It is humbling to me – I wonder if there will ever be an end to humbling? – that noone has swept in and scooped it up yet in the nine months it has been for sale and I guess I do not accept the growing spiritual notion that a house decides if it will sell or not and let its residents go.
The kind of spirituality I am drawn to teaches patience, acceptance and responsibility. If and when the farm does well, and I know it will sell, people are looking hard at it, I believe it will be because we were strong enough and clear enough to lower the price by $100,000, money we wanted and needed but knew we had to let go. This is not a complaint or lament. Everyone in the world has it tougher than me.
I know several friends who have consulted psychics and spiritualists and all been told the same thing that I was told – their houses are not ready to say goodbye. This triggers a rush to chants, rocks, crystals and buried statues (we have done many of these things) to persuade them. As I grow up, wrestle daily with fear and change and confusion, I have come to a different place in my spirituality, and it is this. To do nothing more.
To recognize that I have done what I can. We have taken out ads, lowered the price, buried statues, built altars, found the hottest websites, listened to much strange advice. It is now out of my hands. No statue or chant will mysteriously free me of Bedlam Farm, no transfer of energy, no positive thoughts, nor would I want that. As the animal world increasingly personifies and emotionalizes animals like dogs, I see the spiritual world personifies objects like homes. That is not what I would wish for my beloved farm. It is not to blame and neither and I. There is no blame for life. Sometimes I have to meet life on its own terms, get down on one knee and surrender to spirits beyond my imagination. They will decide.