6 December

Windowsill: Chronicles Of Fear, Three. The Biggest Lie

by Jon Katz
Chronicles Of Fear

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, fear sits in my bedroom, on the side of the bed, as cheeky and familiar as a lover you can’t leave or turn away. He whispers to me, he looks just like a Teddy Bear, normal, endearing. Hey, he says, we need each other.

No, I answer, you are a lie, and I will answer you with the affirmations of my life.

Oh, he says, you think it is that easy?

No, I say, it is so hard, but still, I can do it and I will do it. I answer you with every bit of love I make and get.

I answer you with every photo I take, and every word I write.

Every friend I have, every decision I make that is mine, not yours.

Every act of kindness, every turn from anger,

Makes you wither and shrink, and gasp for air.

But I am stronger than you, he said, not smiling now, I am still here.

And so am I, I said, and I will be here every day, every night, for the rest of my time.

For every day is a gift, a chance, an opportunity to smile and you and tell you that you are

nothing but a lie.

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