9 January

Rocky Considered

by Jon Katz
Thoughts About Rocky
Thoughts About Rocky

It has been a couple of months since Rocky was euthanized, right behind the barn where he took the shade and waited for his daily dose of grain. Rocky had walked that pasture alone for more than 15 years, and his routines had been upended by new people, the construction of a new barn, new fences, and the arrival of Simon, who would not accept a blind old pony anywhere near his herd – Lulu and Fanny. It was one of the most disturbing experiences Maria and I had encountered in our life with animals, and even though we had prepared for it, we were really not prepared at all for what happened. We are always taken aback by the real life of real animals. Ironically, we had a vet and come examine his eyes shortly before his death. He was totally blind, she said, no hope of seeing.

Rocky struggled to deal with all of this change, and when the vet told us he should not have to endure another winter in his condition, we agreed. As many of you may remember, a number of people were upset by the decision, some left the site. I wrote about Rocky every day for several years – it was three years ago that I first saw him standing in front of his collapsed barn. It was odd to suddenly stop writing about him at all. But if there is a real world of real animals, there is also a real world for real writers, and the blog and I moved on.

I think of Rocky several times a week, Maria, I think, misses him acutely, although we do not speak of him much anymore.  She called him her little pony. I see her look so sad sometimes when she goes into his stall in the barn, now empty. Life is certainly simpler for us with Rocky gone, but there is a loss, an emptiness also. He led us here, he was a great and enduring presence on this farm. The paths he walked every day and relied on in his blindness are still visible. She sheep and the donkeys like the corner of the pasture where he loved to graze.

I thought Red might be affected by the loss or Rocky. Rocky trusted Red, and used him as a beacon to get around. Red seemed to want to help Rocky see and move about, and that was a powerful thing to see.  But Red is nothing if not focused. What he loves is to work and he never skipped a beat. Animals can be loving, they can be ruthless.

I have learned a lot about death in my hospice work and in my time with animals, and I see it is often a blessing, not always a curse. I am at peace with Rocky and his passing, I was from the first.  I believe he was released from a life that grown to be too much for his aging and gentle spirit. I hope I will always consider him, and take the time to remember him, and the many photos I took of him. I owe him much, and he deserves to be remembered.

9 January

Donations. Notions Of Help

by Jon Katz
Notions Of Help
Notions Of Help

Some blog readers and I have been connected for some time, and it is a curious yet intense relationship. People can read between the lines. I have mentioned money more in the past few months than in the past six or seven years. Everybody knows what that means. I’ve gotten a lot of very nice messages offering support, help and even money. Kathryn wrote me earlier today suggesting I put a donation button up on the blog, like NPR stations on their websites and many art and literary sites do as well. “Like you,” wrote Kathryn,”they put a lot of work into their posts/blogs and compensation from viewers I think, is a great idea. I would definitely donate as I love your blog, and I think a lot of  your fans would do the same.”

It was a lovely message, a generous thought. I had a lot of mixed feelings about it. One of the things I have learned about children who experience trauma is that they close themselves off to help, they need to solve things themselves, they don’t trust anyone to help them withlout strings attached. They find it almost impossible to seek or accept help. I see myself in this description. Until recently, I refused to give speeches, take speaking fees, allow advertisers on my website, even promote my books too brazenly online. As I have opened up in other ways, I think I have opened up to the idea of help and support and yes, of being compensated for the work I do. I used to give framed photos away as gifts – thousands of dollars worth – and I think it was Maria who sat me down and said they was simply another way of giving piece of myself to others.

And Kathryn is correct. The blog is time-consuming and expensive to maintain.

Perhaps I am still just too defended, but the blog is a different thing for me, a personal expression, a living memoir. I do cherish the independence of being free to write what I want, what I think, in the open and full knowledge that this blog is free, and people can take it or leave it. That has been important to me in many creative ways, freed my mind, given me the focus and strength to stand in my own truth, even when it does not make others happy. I understand that a voluntary donation button would not censor me or curtail me in any way, but it would if I thought it might, and on that score, I am not yet at ease with the idea of donations. People see things differently when they pay for them. I can tell anyone in good conscience who is hostile or unthinking to go somewhere else. They are not paying me, or paying for me. Would that change if I accepted donations?

Necessity is, in fact, the mother of invention, and the changes in publishing, the economy, my personal life have caused me – like just about everyone reading this – to rethink the economic structures of my life. My blog is no good to anyone if I can’t afford to publish it, buy a camera or pay the design and maintenance fees. I appreciate Kathryn’s idea and I understand it raises personal issues I need to deal with before I could consider it. I know a number of people/bloggers  – including my good friend Jenna Woginrich – who accept donations and considers it a very fair way to defray the rising costs of publishing an active blog. I respect Jenna, she has taught me a lot. But I do think she and others approach their blogs differently than I approach mine.

It is very important to me that the blog be free and unfettered, a monologue I give to the world and yes, sometimes a dialogue. My original idea – to publish frequently and to keep it free – has held up. The blog grows. I am closing in on 10,000 Facebook Likes, a benchmark for me and for publishing. Many more people read the blog in this country and all over the world.  I understand that the world is changing and that blogs are being monetized, and I’ve taken some steps along that line – the Fromm Family Foods ad on my site, the Google AdSense ads that pop up along posts. Donations seem a big step to me, but one could also say they would be a way of supporting the blog, not undermining it.

Thanks, Kathryn, it is a worthy and gracious offer you made and I appreciate it. I think my preference right now would be to not have to take you up on it. It makes me edgy.  I talked a friend about this, and she said a year ago I would not have even considered it.  She thought it was very healthy that I had opened up even a crack. She was right. Even a few months ago I would not have considered it.  Every day I find myself doing things I would not have done one, two, or fifteen years ago, including finding love, taking photos, meditating. I am better for each one of them.

9 January

Crunch

by Jon Katz
Carrot Time
Carrot Time

Every morning, Simon, Lulu and Fanny get a carrot. Donkeys are serious munchers, they crunch on the carrot for awhile, braying softly in between. It is the rallying cry for the morning at our farm. Food is the connection between these animals and people, it is the glue, the common ground, the way we communicate with them, the way they respond.

9 January

Potholder Art for Valentine’s Day: Heart Of Scraps: Journeys Of Love

by Jon Katz
For Valentine's Day: Heart Of Scraps
For Valentine’s Day: Heart Of Scraps

Maria has gone to work, continuing her steady evolution of the humble potholder into a form of folk art now in demand all over the country and parts of the world. This evolution reflects her own brave, creative and continuing evolution as an artist. Maria, like the potholder, is humble and unpretentious. But her art continues to grow, like the potholder, and evolve, just like her life and her gentle and honest website. Maria has taken another leap forward with her Valentine’s Day Potholder series, now on sale at www.fullmoonfiberart.com – sold out already, I think. She has taken her scraps of discarded fiber and re-imagined them as a simple heart, as the rebirth and endurance of love. It was hard for her, she said, to make a potholder so simple in design, yet it seemed to me and to many others to strike the absolutely perfect chord. Sometimes, as Steve Jobs used to say, less is more when it comes to art and design.

Journeys of love and for me, an exquisite statement of the meaning of affection. My love for Maria only grows, day by day. We stand by one another, always, in trust and love. I might have to steal this potholder if she won’t sell it to me.

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