Every day, Red reminds me to stay focused, to encourage myself, to permit others to encourage me and to listen to them. Encouragement is sacred, it is the flint that lights the creative spark. Do not listen to the many asses in the world who will tell you all of the reasons you cannot live your life – you can’t afford it, you won’t have enough money to turn over to the insurance companies, you are not talented enough, not good enough, not tough enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not brave enough.
Even when the asses come and whisper their warnings and alarms in their ear, try and keep you small and trembling so that you will behave and do what you are told, stay focused. Be encouraged, and if you cannot find anyone to encourage you, encourage yourself.
To take your life in hand. Make it your own. Do the work. Be responsible for yourself. Look in the mirror and see the truth of you. Do not let the asses, peckerheads, toothless ducks and midgets wear you down. There are millions of them and they are looking to distract you from your life. Stay focused.
I have an intense few days – deadlines, meetings, the dentist, my book, planning my podcast. Late this afternoon, I went out and bought some mulch for the garden and a few more pansies to hold the fort until June. Maria was in the house blogging, and the afternoon was beautiful – windy, sunny, clear. I noticed that Flo has begun following me around the farm. When I garden, she follows me and sits in the sun. She is getting easy with Red. As the sun set, I put the spade down, finished watering the plants and the Magnolia tree and came up onto the porch. Red followed me, Flo was under the wicker sofa.
I leaned down and picked her up, and she curled up on my chest, closed her eyes and started purring. I find I love this cat with a depth that is new to me, my heart just opens up to her, and she is very happy napping on my chest, in my lap. Red came and curled up on the floor. The Magnolia tree was blooming in front of me, the hanging basket of pansies swaying in the stiff breeze. I closed my eyes, and I thought at this moment, on this porch, everything I have ever wanted in the world was all around me.
I have a friend who has a brain tumor, and has gone back home to finish up his life. Life is like that, it can intrude at any time, it is not on our schedule. I thought of my office, right near me another book in the computer. How I love to write. I looked at my camera, already wearing out, right on the ground next to me. I didn’t want to pick it up, photograph the porch, disturb Flo. I thought of Maria, happy and fulfilled, creative and loving, on her computer writing about the scarves she whipped up.
Frieda was inside with her. I looked to my left, and Simon and Lulu and Fanny were grazing off to my life. The sheep right near them, the sun lowering on the hill across the road, photographer’s light. What do I want to be? I thought. Not be a resentful man, not be an angry man, not a complaining man. My story is sweet today, I have everything I could ever have wanted. I loved my life on this porch, loved closing my eyes in the sun, feeling the breeze stroke my face, listening to the contented purring of a cat, thinking about my Simon book and how I want to change it.
Like anyone reading this, I have lost things and regretted things, and I am shedding those complaints and struggles, those are tired and fading stories, they are not relevant to my life. On my porch, sitting in the sun, a cat on my lap, a dog at my feet, my lover clacking away on her computer up and behind me, I thought how lucky I am to have everything I ever wanted in the world surrounding me on this gorgeous April afternoon.
I love living with a creative and engaged artist. Beautiful things come out of nowhere. Today she came into my office and showed me this quite beautiful scarf and I asked her where she bought it. I made it, she said, out of beautiful old handkerchiefs that she had acquired from one of her many friends out in the world. I was just amazed at how graceful and lovely this scarf is and got permission to take a photo. This is the first scarf Maria has ever made, and her eyes were just gleaming with excitement. I love her madly and admire her greatly. I wanted to share it with you, I think it is quite amazing. More details on her website.
This photo has a lot of emotion in it for me. Maria and I spent hours digging and planting in our new gardens – a ring of color around the farmhouse is the idea. Lenore and Red hung out with us the whole day. We moved the little sheep statue from the Bedlam Farm garden’s and Orson’s marker. At the end of the day, Maria stopped to rest, Lenore lay at her feet and Red came over for a hug. He seems to grasp moments like that, he had stayed off by himself watching the sheep all day.
I’ve found two barns near the Vermont border, they are set against the green hills, and if they are not a painting, and perhaps they are, they ought to be.
