30 June

Poem: My Heart So Soft

by Jon Katz
Remembering Fear
Remembering Fear

I don’t see fear as much as I used to,

we grew up together, old pals,

he still comes sometimes to visit,

to sit by the bedside, tell old stories,

pat my leg in his creepy way,

and makes me shiver.

We talk about the old days, so many stories,

lots of memories, you were close,

as only old friends can be.

Don’t surrender the fear so quickly,

I tell myself,

Let it cut, deeply,

into the heart.

Let it shape and season me,

ferment me like wine,

as few ingredients, even the divine,

can do. Let it keep me humble,

and grateful and help me to never look back,

at what is unbearable to see.

Something is missing in my soul tonight,

has made my heart so soft,

my eyes so cloudy,

my voice so tender.

Don’t surrender the loneliness so quickly,

let it wrap me in its shroud,

it’s cold embrace, the mist in my face,

and teach me how to feel,

to be,

don’t surrender who I am,

run away from me,

give myself away.

my need of love,

and light,

so clear.

30 June

Subscription Experiment. The Future Here, Knocking

by Jon Katz
The Future Is Knocking
The Future Is Knocking

My subscription experiment is in it’s second month, I believe the future is knocking at my door, and I am beginning to see more clearly what the future of creatives like writers and artists and bloggers will be. Last month, I offered people four ways to subscribe to www.bedlamfarm.com, it’s photos, podcasts, open groups and sites. They can use Paypal to make annual payments of $60 a year, $5 a month, one time payments, or no payments at all. A lot of options, none of them expensive and all subscriptions can be cancelled at any time.

As the Internet continues to shatter previous models of income for writers, and as hard cover books continue to evolve into a smaller role in the publishing marketplace, the old idea of the full-time book writer – I have been one for 30 years – is changing. I have long believed that blogs are becoming the new books in some ways, this blog and the things that spring from it are my continuing book, my living memoir, my great work. What began as an adjunct to my book writing has become the centerpiece of my creative life, so it is time for me to get paid for my work if it is useful for people to read.

The new model for blog subscriptions is a macro model – small payments to large numbers of people. About 159,000 people read the blog each month, and I don’t know how many will ultimately subscribe. So far, in the first month, close to one percent of those people have subscribed, and I am told that is an impressive beginning, a sign of real commitment from a lot of people. Blog subscriptions are new, they take time to build, time for people to get used to, time for writers to get used to. For the first time, the blog is generating some income to help pay for it’s maintenance and my time and for the photography and other equipment it requires. I am very excited about this experiment, I can feel it working. Books take years to write, they no longer generate consistent or substantial income, but they are important, I will not stop writing them. Blogs are daily, growing rapidly in popularity, quality and meaning. They are the future, and they are the present.

The blog, now six years old,  is the Mother Ship and many things spring from it – paper books, e-books, podcasts, open groups, the blog itself, my photography and my videos. I share my life as well as my work, both are important. Initially, blogs and other online media were thought of as entities that support traditional content, now they are increasingly the content itself and like all work, they need to support the creator of the content. Not a new story really, just an old story taking different forms. Fewer people are paying $30 for a book that takes years to write, more people will pay $5 a month for all of this new content.  Books will not disappear, they simply take up different space in the creative universe. It’s exciting, I think I have been moving towards it for years, drawn by instinct more than anything else.

For the foreseeable future, the blog will continue to be free. I have been getting piercing letters from people without the money to pay any amount to access the blog, and I will certainly make provisions for those people. They will not be denied access to bedlamfarm.com. I imagine the blog will be free for a good long time, this is a careful and transitional process. People are not used to paying for things online, and I am not used to charging for things online. We seem to be coming together.   I have no doubt it is my future. Good writing, strong ideas, visual imagery is important. People value it, if it is good, they will pay for it in the new way. It is up to the writer to make sure it is worthwhile.

Most of the new subscribers are thanking me for finally valuing the work I do. It does feel good. No complaints so far.

Exciting things keep sprouting from the blog. I am working hard to focus my podcasts, just getting underway and the Open Group For Bedlam Farm is one of the creative joys of my life, more than 700 people sharing great work and encouraging one another, a manifestation of what online communities were meant to be before the commercialism and hostility of the culture poisoned so many open spaces. It will not happen here.

For those of you starting up blogs and sharing your creative work online, I suspect this experiment will have relevance for you as well. We all have to get used to paying people for their work, I am certainly doing it. People in publishing keep telling me I am a pioneer in this, but it seems to me I came to it slowly and reluctantly. Still, I am here, and I thank you for subscribing and helping to pay for this blog, my photography, the open groups, podcasts, etc. I thank you for your support now and in the days and years to come. We are just getting started. I hope we will walk into the future together.

30 June

Big Flies: A Donkey’s Stinging Eyes

by Jon Katz
A Donkey's Stinging Eyes
A Donkey’s Stinging Eyes

The big and nasty horse flies have arrived, right on schedule, and behind the small and nasty black flies, (the ticks are here all the time, Maria found one on me today)  they are loving the heat and humidity and rain and they hatched by the thousands this weekend, one of the annual plagues that strike a farm and the animals there. We can see them, but the strongest tell-tale sign is the moisture that pours from the eyes of donkey’s and horses. They rub against us, love to have their eyes rubbed and washed with moist clothe. We have tried numerous kinds of donkey masks, but they love taking them off of each other and they succeed. We have ointments, sprays and creams, homemade conctions that sometimes work for  awhile, but never for very long.

In the real world of real animals, there are just some things they have to endure.

The flies will be around until after Labor Day, they make animals miserable at times and we will bring out our arsenal tomorrow. In the meantime, Simon pressed his head against me and Lulu ran to Maria for some comfort.

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