Day: August 15, 2013

I was diagnosed with diabetes Type 2 seven years ago, and I changed my life quite a bit, learning about nutrition, activity blood, glucose, etc. and all of the many things diabetes can do if it is not treated. Diabetes is something to be taken seriously, it can run amok and disrupt a body, and I do take it seriously. Yet I have to say in those seven years – I went on insulin this week – I have heard and seen more hysteria, misinformation, manipulation and simple greed associated with diabetes than I could begin to relate.

America sometimes resembles a Fear Machine, and when there are billions of dollars at stake, as there is with diabetes, it becomes nearly impossible to separate fear and money from reality. Over these years doctors, podiatrists, optometrists and many others have repeatedly warned me of amputations, strokes, heart attacks, kidney failures, the loss of feeling in limbs The machinery of diabetes has become a multibillion dollar business – meters, strips, lancets, books and pamphlets, medications, insulation, needle-pens, magazines and workshops. Our slick national magazines are all in trouble, but supermarket racks are filled with glossy diabetes publications offering advice and guidance about good things to buy. Pharmaceutical companies are delighted that 40 million Americans will soon have diabetes, their stock is going right through the roof, diabetes treatment is advertised as much as automobiles.

Doctor’s offices are also filled with TV screens warning of the dangers of diabetes, signs warning of blindness and other dread things. The Internet, the bulletin board of the fear and hysteria machine promotes this dread, people line up to tell stories of their uncles, fathers, brothers, who died long and painful deaths from diabetes.  Many of these stories are true. The reason I write about this is not because I love talking about my health but because fear kept me from confronting diabetes for a good while – I believed all those signs in the doctor’s offices, listened to all the horror stories people need to tell, saw all the ads warning me about my soon-to-be-ravaged body and peddling all kinds of medicines and treatments. This is the Corporate Nation, it is often all about money.

There were also all the people online, sending their stories to me, telling me to rush  out and buy white socks – to prevent infections, and to offer their own urgent and absolutely reliable advice.  As with almost everything relating to politics, technology, health care, the law and food, it is necessary to confront the fear in order to seek out the truth, and truth is much harder to find than fear, which is everywhere.

But there are many sane messages too, messages offering perspective like the one I got from Claudia in California. She was diagnosed with Type 2 in 1997, due to healthy eating and insulin management, “I am healthier than ever, healthier than many of my younger friends.” Diabetes management is confusing at first, but “you’ll figure it out.” Thanks Claudia, so I will.

Modern medicine knows how to deal with diabetes, they have been doing it for many years. I believe in holistic medications, but I also think – given the panic I felt for so long – that this was a good hiding place for me, especially when it came to diabetes. I loved saying I handled it myself, I had it under control. I didn’t, not really, not recently.  Medicines are tested and effective, many millions of people with the disease lead long, healthy and comfortable lives. I expect to be one of them. There is a difference in taking something seriously and plunging into panic and drama. I am impressed with the medical people I have met, surprised at the effectiveness of the medication, which has caused me very few side affects and am eager to begin to be healthier once more.

In my mind, I didn’t think I would live to too ripe an old age, Maria heard me say it often and never liked it. I feel differently now. Since I confronted the diabetes once more, listened to good and sane advice, navigated through the Fear Machine, I now believe I will live a good long while.  It is not about sickness and danger for me, it is about health.

Despite the warnings and alarms,  the overall truth about diabetes, especially diabetes 2 is more complex. In the week since I went on insulin, my blood levels have dropped dramatically, almost to normal. I am ironically healthier than I was six months ago, even two months ago. My blood pressure and other vital signs are all good and in researching diabetes 2, I find that very few diabetics wear special white socks or shoes, or need them. Even fewer lose their limbs to amputations. The statistics relating to heart disease for most diabetics are not radically different from those relating to everybody else, especially if they control their illness with diet, exercise and activity, good nutrition and medication. We will all die of heart failure, one way or another, plenty of non-diabetics get cataracts, honest statistics are hard to come by. According to Stanford University researchers many people with diabetes 2 are actually able to reverse the disease with holistic care, weight loss, conventional medications and and other changes in the way they live.

Diabetes is a chronic disease, there is no getting around that, I will probably be taking medications and needles for the rest of my life and watching my diet, weight and blood levels as well. That is serious enough, a big change. But fear is everywhere in our world, it comes between us and reality,  us and creativity, us and truth. Perhaps one day there will be daily injections to treat and control it.

Where does the love of a dog come from?

From deep inside of the soul, from the heart.

Why is it so deep?

It is unconditional, from the beginning, to the end.

Is it different than human love?

Very, it is without language, it never fades or tires,

there are no words, only feelings, and feelings do not fade.

Does it last?

Long and deep.

Is it unconditional?

No, it requires us to be loving, patient,

attentive.

It is like a human friendship?

It is not, it is ancient, instinctive, loyal,

boundless, driven by faith and commitment.

Do they love us back?

Yes, but not in the same way we love them,

love for them is not the same thing as it is for us,

they are not human, they love with their whole

bodies and beings, they are faithful to death,

and giving beyond.

They love us in our smells, the feelings we send,

the ancient images in their genes,

for every dog was

born to find a person and love them,

and love them every minute of every day for all of life.

There is no other love like that.

I felt grounded at the end of this day, I disconnected myself from the anger and intensity and frantic invasions of technology, I see this is important to do every day, Maria and I and the dogs went out into the woods, the bugs are finally receding, it is cool and dark and mysterious. These woods are mystical, I love being in them, they take me out of myself and center me.

When I realized earlier this week that I was getting drawn into the social media sinkhole of likes, notifications, messages, arguments and intrusions,  I launched my own campaign to re-ground myself and I’m very happy with the results already. Two walks on the road, communing with donkeys, a visit from my friend Scott Carrino – new Tai Chi program for me – and then, this afternoon, a walk to Lulu’s Crossing with Red, the sheep, the donkeys. I love it out there, it is quiet and peaceful and there is nothing sweeter and more calming than the sight and sound of animal’s grazing.

I went to my study, lit a beeswax candle, listened to the sound of Lenore snoring on her couch, Red is at my feet as always. We have a challenge coming up, a child in hospice wants to see Red and we are going. I want to be grounded for it.

I have been writing lately about my struggle to preserve my sense of space, self and peace of mind in this era, when messages, notifications, alerts and alarms, many of them pushing fear and anger, are invading my space and putting me on edge and threatening the sense of spirituality, perspective creativity and quiet that I have worked so hard to bring to my life. I feel the sense of immediacy that the Internet, and especially social media like Facebook promote so heavily is obsessing and addicting people and causing them to smother one another – and me, sometimes – with messages, complaints, advice, warnings and most spurious information.

I feel for children and adolescents, caught up in the texting world, unable to think, wait or get to know their own minds, an essential element of creativity and spirituality. But I fear for their parents too, because they are getting into it just as deeply, not on Vine Or Instagram, but on Facebook and Twitter, Pinterest and elsewhere. I am confronting this directly. So far.

– I am reinforcing the idea that my life is not an argument, and I will not argue my choices and decisions on the Internet, or via e-mail.

– I reject drama and trawling for sympathy online.

– I reject the culture of warnings and alarms that have become the currency of many social media discussions.

– I do not do my grieving online, it seems inappropriate and unhealthy to me.

– Significantly to me, I am pausing. I am considering which messages are important, which really need to be answered. All messages do not have to be answered, all queries answered, all worries absorbed.

– I reject the idea that other people have the right to offer me unsolicited advice, a major element of a meaningful and independent life is reaching my own conclusions, making my own decisions, learning from my own mistakes. When I share my life, I am not turning it over to other people.

If I shared my life in a book, no one would even consider telling me what happened to their Uncle Harry or giving unwanted advice. The blog is my book, and the issue is about boundaries, and I don’t want other people telling me how to solve my problems.

Boundaries, as I have learned, are important, and these new kinds of communities – Facebook especially – promote the notion of eliminating boundaries rather than respecting them, which, as any therapist knows, is a critical element of mental health. Sharing my space is not taking it over.

And mostly, there is this question of immediacy. I take time in my writing and photography. I wait before publishing it, I slow the process down. That is the result of my first two days of considering how to preserve my space from the growing intrusions of the frenetic world. More to come.