I don’t put up photos of Red and Rocky often, I’m not a big fan of nostalgia, of looking backwards, I prefer to appreciate what I have, not what I’ve lost, but some stories are sweet and powerful and ought to be remembered. Rocky was the blind Appaloosa pony who led Maria and I to our new home. Red took Rocky under his wing and became his eyes, a remarkable friendship I will never forget.
Rocky would sniff to find where Red was and follow him along his path to the water or back into the barn. Red would walk a few yards, sit and wait patiently for Rocky to find him through smell and then walk ahead again. He did this for a month or two until we made the difficult decision to euthanize the pony on the eve of our first winter and in the face of the donkeys’ complete rejection of him. It was all too much for this frail and blind creature, able to live alone in a fenceless pasture with no sight for 15 years, but not able to survive the new people and their animals. Life is full of crisis and mystery.
I went looking for a Rocky and a Red photo, painful for Maria and for me too, important not to forget. Life goes on, but it needs to be respected.
I got an e-mail Thursday wondering if I might consider doing a Ted Talk at a Ted X conference, the subject of the conference is “Eat, Play, Live Better.” I was surprised at the invitation – Ted Talks are a fascinating and increasingly popular set of global conferences arranged by the non-profit Sapling Foundation in which interesting speakers present “ideas worth spreading.” I wasn’t sure why I hesitated, perhaps because my conference would be in New Jersey and I have not been back to New Jersey, where I lived for more than 20 years, since my divorce.
I realized that was silly, it is time to put that aside, speaking of mindfulness. The conference is close to the publication of my next book “Second Change Dog: A Love Story,” and the book – and my life – raises a number of the issues and ideas that the conference wants to address, namely the construction of a mindful life, a life built on authenticity, self-awareness, growth and spirituality, at least those are the foundations for me.
I told my Facebook friends I was thinking about it, and about 100 people said go for it within minutes.
There are some final approvals to be worked out, but it seems like they want me and if so, I will be happy to go. The trip in itself will be mindful. Maria says she will be happy to come with me, and that is fitting, as she is the cornerstone of my meaningful life, the point in so many ways. In my life on this farm I have worked on four things more than anything else:
– Mental and spiritual health. Facing the truth about myself, learning who I am.
– A meaningful life. A life of creativity, connection and purpose.
– Authenticity. Standing in my truth.
– A pursuit of love, at any age. Love is the point.
– A creative life. My writing, my blog, my photography, my poems and stories.
Those are the things I came up to my farm in search of, those are the things I have struggled to find, those are the things I am finding, one by one, one day at a time. I am not there, I will never be there, just on the road. I want to tell people that it is possible to step out of the constraints of one’s life and find meaning and undertake change at any point in life. I want to tell them to never give up on love. I want to talk about the great challenge of aging in America, where the elderly are stereotyped and dismissed and brushed aside. I refused to give up on an authentic life, and a life with love and I want to let people know that it is always possible, at any age.
I want to talk about learning to live fully inside of and despite the great Fear Machine that dominates so much of American culture and ideas, from weather to politics to government, child-rearing, media, health care and the law. We are called upon to be afraid at every stage of life, push aside our dreams and ambitions, to shut down the creative sparks and inner spirits within us and be safe and afraid. Rejecting that fear is the foundation of mindfulness and of my search for it. The talk is just for a few minutes, and this is too much to cover, I will have to find a focus.
So if they will have me, I will do my Ted Talk in November, and I appreciate being asked. I will keep you posted about it. I think I am an odd messenger for love in many ways, but that is my mission, a call I am happy to answer. Never, ever quit on love.
Maria got a new batch of vintage hankies – she and her friend Kim are assembling scarves for people at Sundays’ Open House – and she washed them and hung them out on the back porch to dry, they stirred in the breeze right in front of Flo, sleeping in her rocker.
When Red came to be with me, Karen Thompson said when I took him out to be with sheep, he would bond with me, and she was right. The meadow across from the farmhouse was where Red first worked sheep with me, and every time we go there, he goes to the gate and looks at me. I often wonder why he doesn’t look around and notice the sheep are gone from there, but it doesn’t matter to border collies what they see. If they have ever worked sheep, they will always look for them in the spot where they worked them.
This is imprinted in Red’s consciousness, it is a part of who is now, it is the point of bonding for him and .
Marybeth Twitchell describes herself as a “neat freak” and I think that is a cool thing for a renter to call herself, and when we came to pick some things up at the farm, we could see this is true. Marybeth had been working like a dervish, going over the old farmhouse top to bottom before the rest of the family moves it, and it glowed. The farmhouse has sheltered people for nearly two centuries, and it is unnatural for people not to be there. I am especially glad children will be there, I can hardly think of a better place for kids.
I am hoping to tell the kids all the various ghost stories associated with the farm – the Civil War soldier believed to have died in the Big Barn, Alexander on the path, the ghosts of the slaughtered pigs in the Pig Barn. I remember when Lesley Nase, a shaman, came and did a ghost tour of the property – Maria was with me well before we were married. We got all the details of all the good stories.
There have never been reports of ghosts in the farmhouse, it is solid and sensible, strong and proud, the barns give off a lot of wondrous vibes. I will wait for the parents to give permission, but I have some great Halloween stories for the kids when I get the green light. I love the big living room in the farmhouse, Marybeth made it shine again, I thank her for that.
