I have never had an easy relationship with my body, I have always lived a life of the mind, in part, I think, because I never thought my body worked for me. I was a disaster in gym class, I was always the slowest runner on any team, my feet were flat and any kind of exercise seemed boring and pointless to me. I always liked walking, but not much else that involved movement.

Surgery is a fascinating thing, it has its drawbacks but also it’s gifts and surprises. Since my Open Heart surgery, I am finding that I am having something of a new relationship with my body. I am coming to admire and respect it, it is a much better body than I thought.

My doctors said I broke the all-time record for early release after open heart surgery from the hospital – sent home from intensive care after three days. I broke the record for most laps around the ward after surgery – 20, and these things amazed and astonished me, I have never broken any kind of athletic record for anything, I saw my body as ugly, ungainly and sluggish. One nurse told me I had a wonderful body, I was so fortunate to have it. I was stunned.

Since coming home from the hospital on July 4, I have walked nearly 100 miles, according to my fitbitflex, and I have enjoyed just about every single step. I love the way my body gathers itself and breezes right up a steep hail, as if we were on a big sailboat with a good breeze behind us. Almost all of my scars from the surgery have healed, and I can even sleep on my side sometimes. I gave up painkillers the day I came home and am handling my many medications well.

So what has happened? I ask myself this every single day. I always thought my body had failed me, but the doctors tell me I have an excellent body, it is healing beautifully and helping me heal rapidly and steadily. I appreciate my body, sometimes I even love it. This is a miracle to anyone who knows me. I look forward to many years of walking and biking and writing and running around, I am, despite the surgery, feeling better than I have felt in a long time, I am just beginning to grasp how long my heart has been struggling.

Why did my body give me so much trouble? Was I simply reacting to my athlete father, who thought of me as a weak-kneed sissy? Or was I just obtuse about my body as I was about my heart? I don’t know.

But the same body that failed my heart is now joined with it, and I cannot really do much but thank it and appreciate it. I can’t say yet that I love my body all of the time, but you know what? I think I will pretty soon, we are off on a great adventure together. This morning, I told my body it was good to meet it after all these years, I am sorry I thought so poorly of it. Perhaps it was just waiting for me to have my heart stopped to get the message it has been trying to send me my whole life: I am a good body, i will work for you.