Day: February 7, 2015

Sunrise. The Winter Color Initiative.

Debbie and Jake as lambs were good choices for the color initiative, these two gave off a spiritual aura that I sill see in Deb. Looking through my photos, I see so many faces that are gone, there is so much life and death on a farm, and in a life with animals. I know one person who says she is falling apart because her sweet old dog is failing and she asked me how she could possibly survive if her dog died, and I was puzzled by the question.

I don’t really know anyone who has not survived the death of a dog or other pet, I hope she remembers to be grateful for the dog’s long life and for the joy and pleasure he brought to her. I have been looking at photos of Orson and Rose and Lenore and Izzy and Mother and so many other wonderful creatures that are gone. How very lucky I am to have had such animals and partners on my journey as these.

I am glad I started the Color Initiative, it is a hit, even in places with little or no snow. Spring is a time of renewal and this winter has been long and gray and cold, I believe color and light are infectious, the more they go out into the world, the more color and light gathers to enter our lives. What a sweet Spring this will be.

Mike, the manager of our town dump, look glum when we pulled in with trash this afternoon, his compacting machine broke and he had to move all of the trash operations to the other end of the dump in the cold and snow. “You need a therapy dog,” I said, and let Red out of the car. Red ran to Mike like a shot and took up position there. Got Mike to smile at least.

I’ve decided to name the next historic, transcendent, life – altering, unprecedented and earth-shattering storm “Pickles,” perhaps this will draw some more subscribers to my blog. It is a great shock to me to learn that it is going to snow at least once more in February, they used to call this winter, but it is now far more serious than that. Superstorm “Pickles” will last four months, it will snow every day, European computer models show the storm washing Manhattan Island out to sea, and turning New Jersey into a sand dune. It’s time to move those computers out of Wall Street and onto barges.

The Weather Channel is calling this snowstorm “Marcus,” but I had a cousin named Marcus, and he was a real jerk, cheap and mean. I don’t want to call my storm “Marcus,” it sounds like a wimpy rabbi, not a Superstorm.

I have some tips for you, they have worked for us (further details this summer at the Bedlam Farm Workshop On Hysteria, Emergency Preparedness, Armageddon, and Scaring The Shit Out Of People For Money (BFWOHEPASSOOPFM) while remaining brave and independent at the same time. You can, in fact, have it both ways. People will love you for it.

I’ve decided to throw my rifle, shotgun, 9 mm Glock, bow and arrow, hatchet and spear out and take them to the dump. I am freeing my attack hen, she will have to fend for herself. I’m keeping my black belt, it keeps my bathrobe on.

I’ll barter all my weapons for some dump stickers. It’s not like I could kill anybody with them if I tried – I can shoot a rooster at close range –  and it is expensive to war against marauders. It occurred to me that if I have all of this good stuff here while New York City becomes a ski slope, some of those city people will just come up here and hit me on the head and take all of my defensive gear. Better to get some money for it now.

I know that farmers always help one another in emergencies like, so I called my friend Carol Gulley. She and her husband Ed are real dairy farmers and so they might help me, I thought, if I posted a really pathetic message on Facebook (“oh, I am buried in snow and am out of everything! Can my farm be saved?”). I don’t know if they know that I am not a real farmer, but I’m not going to bring it up. This is a big snowstorm, and nobody will notice.

“Hey, Carol,” I said, “you hear about the Winter Storm “Pickles,” it will be like Noah’s flood they say, only colder and wetter. Life as we know it may be over by Tuesday.” Carol doesn’t watch the news much and we get along well, I thought this would get her attention, soften her up a bit.

If you want people to give you things, they have to feel sorry for you.

“Lord!,” she said. “Can I bring a jug of raw milk?”

I cleared my throat. “Hey, you know Ed and I talk all the time about farmers helping each other out when they stumble or get into trouble. We got this big storm coming and I am in need of real help here.”

“Gosh,” she said, “anything. What can we do for you?”

“Well,’ I said, “my car needs new spark plugs the mechanic tells me. It will cost $1,000 and I don’t have it, and I’m pretty upset.”

There was a long pause. “What does this have to do with the snowstorm?,” she asked, warily, I thought.

“Well, ” I said, “you want a car that runs smoothly, especially in a snowstorm that lasts four months or so. Till Labor Day.”

I guess we got cut off, the phone went dead.

The big thing here at the farm is to be prepared to ask for help, and I am. I need food, cash money, hay, firewood, snow-shoveling, (pet friendly) salt, sweetfeed for horses and sheep. Some treats for the dogs, too, maybe. And hair dryers for my frozen pipes.   I’m going to post that dire message on Facebook about how much trouble I am in, and just go out to lunch and leave the barn door open. There are a lot of good people out there, they are ready to go,  eager to help, all I need is for a few of them to feel sorry for me and bring me stuff. When the storm is over, I will be set.

How neat that we can all help one another. I’ll be sure and send some notecards of appreciation.

So that is my survival guide for “Pickles.” Oh yes, we are heading out for wine and cheese popcorn and some more pistachio nuts.

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Sign Of The Times:  Note, in our humorless and anxious world – there are places where satire or challenge is not permitted, even punishable by death. This column is meant to be a satire on many things, including me. The post is meant to be humorous, not serious, I am not in need of anything I cannot provide, just in case there is any confusion. Some people on social media can be very literal and do not laugh much. Stay home and watch TV or read a good book. Stay warm and dry. But I was not kidding about the cheese popcorn, I am heading out to get some.

Disturbing news. I think the farrier may need some more help.

Last month, Ken Norman, our farrier and friend, the one who helped save Simon’s life and who kept him healthy and mobile, underwent surgery to replace both of his knees, worn out from years of hard and grinding work. Ken and his wife Eli have more than 30 horses and donkeys, many of them rescues. Ken is a generous and compassionate human being. He needs some help right now, more than we even thought.

To help Ken get through his surgery and recovery, we posted a help  request on gofundme., a crowdsourcing site, and many good people raised more than $32,000 to help Ken and Eli keep the farm going during his three months of recovery and rehabilitation, which has been painful and so far, successful. He is beginning to walk with a cane, and we were all beginning to take a breath of  relief. Friends and neighbors have kicked in with food and hay.

Yesterday, things got more complex for Ken Norman and Eli, for Nikoleni, for their animals. Eli fell down while picking up her daughter at school and fractured several bones in her left wrist, and their recovery and survival plan went largely down the chute. With Eli injured and Ken still unstable, they will need a lot of help caring for the animals on their farm over the next few months. Ken asked for $17,500 and got more than that, but it is clear he will need that much and more to get through this challenge.

Although Ken received more money than he asked for, the farm is gobbling it up rapidly, he has had some sick animals to care for, equine veterinary care is steep.

Eli had a rough night last night, she was in great pain and returned to the hospital this morning for more work on her arm and cast, and perhaps more help with the pain she is in. Ken is stoic, but I can tell he was stunned and is worried. With yet another storm coming, he has to figure out how to get more hay to his horses and soon. He was out in the barn last night caring for a sick pony – I imagine he should not have been out there.

So I am once more calling people’s attention to his request for help. Asking for more money for Ken makes all of us uncomfortable, especially Ken, but I am at ease with it.  I am certain it is a good cause and the right thing to do, if it is possible.

Ken is not one to ask for help, and I don’t wish to put any more pressure on people who have already contributed so generously. I am contributing an amount once more, but many people are pressured and no one ought to feel any discomfort if they can’t contribute again. If you can, Ken and Eli can use it.

They are worthy and people showed last month how good they can be, given a chance. Here is another chance. If you are so inclined, you can contribute here.  Ken and I talked last night, we don’t think it’s a good idea to ask for a specific amount, it seems like it will cost him about $7,000 to hire people and help for the next couple of months. Thanks for any help you can provide.