A full weekend, a fuller week ahead on many fronts. Bedlam Farm the first might sell this week. We are confronting some important issues in our life this week. We will get a horse this week and drive to Virginia to get a new puppy. I think that’s enough for one week. The donkeys and their love and their conversations with both of us are grounding, a constant here. Maria talks with them every day, tells them what is happening in our lives. They are among the world’s best listeners.
If there is a mirror of our lives, it is our back porch, a focal point and gathering place for the people and some of the animals on the farm. A month or so ago, it was five-foot deep in snow and ice, I was raking snow off of the roof every day. Today, it is making it’s way towards Summer. Maria is hauling out the stonework in my study, filling it with some pansies and spring flowers. The wood is migrating back to the woodshed, the chicken’s are at their water bowl, various boxes and statuary are re-appearing. Most days, the clothesline is filled with socks or fabric being tea-stained for Maria’s studio.
The garden is ready for flowers, and we got rid of the tombstone to “Wiggles” a farm dog, it didn’t seem to fit in, he was not our dog, and it seemed a bit grim. Soon, the summer rocking chairs will be out and the barn cats will be sitting on them for much of the day.Our mirror speaks of loss, gain and change. The nature of life.
(Today, the new Bedlam Farm clothesline went up. Every farm should have one, Maria has always wanted one.)
In the next week or so, we will be getting a new pony named Chloe and a new border collie puppy named Fate. We didn’t name her, but we recognized right away that this was the right name for her, it seemed we were fated to have her. Sunday evening, Dr. Karen Thompson, the very excellent human and breeder who send me Red, send me a new video of Fate playing outside. I am reminded that she will be a handful, all border collies are, and I think border collie puppies have small nuclear reactors built inside of them, they don’t really ever rest.
I am going to be 68 this summer, the anniversary of my Open Heart Surgery is only a couple of months away. I was sitting in my soft chair wondering if perhaps I am not getting a bit long in the tooth for so much change and excitement, and at that moment, an e-mail arrived from Karen saying “Fate will keep you young in heart and body.” Wow, I think, she is a telepath as well as good friend and breeder.
I think Karen is right. She will be 69 this summer, and she is quite young in mind and spirit. Many things work together to keep me feeling young and eager for life: Maria, my daughter, my work, my blogs, my photography and books, the dogs and animals here, my friends, the small town in which I live. I feel that my life continues to fill up with wonder, I am rich in just about everything but money.
And true riches, I have learned more than once, do not come from money. Some days I need to sit in my chair and nap – this is a very new thing for me. Today I pushed the new mower up and down the lawn, then I went to the gym, my legs feel like licorice sticks. But I feel quite strong and active, energetic and ambitious. I have a lot of good work to do, many blog posts to commit to words, photos to take, books to write, ponies to meet and dogs to train.
I have never felt better about my writing. It is true that it is good to be older when one is writing, because the longer you live, the more you have to write about. I am so grateful I was not a professional athlete, my career would be so long over by now. Yet I feel it is just beginning.
Karen is right about Fate, she will keep me young in body and spirit. Life is not simple, it was not easy when I was younger, it is not easy now. It is filled with crisis and mystery, every day. The energy and drive of this puppy will be like a small and joyous cyclone hitting our farm. We will not get complacement or stale here, no drowsy days without meaning or purpose for me. My new and refurbished heart is filled with love and excitement, it is ready even for a border collie puppy with a blue eye.
This weekend, we will be making a nine-hour trek to Virginia, twice within a few days, we will have to figure that out. When we return, Bedlam Farm will have been reborn again, there was loss here in the winter, life is returning. Maria has been out bringing our porch – a mirror of our lives here, to life again. Flowers are appearing, the wood will soon be stacked in the woodshed, the chickens are at their water bowl again, the stone works from my study are making their summer pilgrimage outside.
Today Maria put up a clothesline in the back of the house, she has been wanting one for several years.
Life is what you make of it, my heart and soul are younger than ever.
Over the winter, as many of you know, we lost two dogs, Frieda and Lenore. Lenore was very much a family dog, Frieda was a very close and dedicated companion to Maria, the two of them had been to Calvary and back together. Since then, we have been looking for another dog, traversing the breeder and shelter system, considering breeds, rescues, what was best for us, for Maria. Today we found our dog, courtesy of the very wonderful woman who gave Red to me.
This morning, frustrated by our stumbles and confusion and growing impatience, I e-mailed Dr. Karen Thompson, getting frustrated and conscious of Maria’s strong desire for a dog to be a companion for her, I told her we were looking for a dog. I asked if she had any ideas, I explained the situation carefully and honestly to her, I said it would be our dog but more Maria’s dog than mine, her Studio dog, walking dog, pal. Karen asked if we were open to a puppy and I said, sure. She asked if we were looking for a border collie, and I said we weren’t specifically looking for a border collie, but that is my favorite breed, and Maria loves them also, we would surely consider one.
Karen said that as she read my e-mail, she had just gotten off the phone talking to a friend who had reserved one of her new puppies but her circumstances had changed and she and Karen agreed that it wasn’t the best time for her to have a puppy. Karen said the dog was much like Red, had a similar temperament. I said we weren’t looking for a herding dog, but we could find plenty for a border collie to do, we knew how to give border collies a good life, lots of interesting work and help keep them sane.
Karen, who is a minister, a livestock farmer a dog breeder and a mystic, said this was an adorable pup, she had one blue eye, the right one. She said the line produced dogs of extraordinary temperament – much like Red’s.
She was sweet and charismatic. Her name, she said, was Fate. Getting a dog is a complex process for me, people are always telling me and others how to get a dog, I am equally determined to figure it out for myself. I am always thinking photos, love, stories, even a book, and I do – consciously or not – look for a dog whose personality seems to speak for itself. Karen sent us some videos of Fate, she had that sparkle and curiosity and connection I always look for, and Maria felt the same way.
She called Karen up and the two of them struck a deal, we are going to Virginia Friday to pick her up and bring her home. Red is coming along with us. We were considering older dogs, but I also know there is no better way to share one’s life with a dog than to grow up with it.
It was nothing short of a miracle, really, and Fate is the right name for a dog who seemed on a fast track to us, to be in the right place at the right time. She found her way to us, as they do, it seems it was meant to be, and there is no happier circumstance for us than to get a dog from Karen Thompson, we love her and trust her completely. You can see Fate here, she is the puppy on the right, the white coat and the mostly black head. The voice is Karen’s. It is a sacrament for me to get a new dog, I am grateful to Karen for once again using her compassion and empathy to bring me one.
I am so excited to be finally meeting Karen face-to-face, and to bring Red back to visit with her.
We take our time searching for a dog, we do it carefully. I trusted – and so did Maria – that we would know the right one when we saw it, and this is the right one. We both knew it right away, we turned to one another and said “this is a miracle.” We were very open to a shelter dog, or one from a rescue group, we didn’t see one that clicked with us, or fit with our farm life. Fate will not be a sheep dog, we will not work her with sheep or turn her in that direction. That is Red’s province. Maria works at home, Fate will offer the glorious opportunity to be with us during the critical period where she can grow and learn from us, and where we can raise a puppy together and use the knowledge we have accumulated living with and training some wonderful dogs.
We will, of course, share the process with you every step of the way. It was a hard winter, brutally cold, a lot of loss for us – Simon, Lenore, Frieda. As always we are determined not to wallow in our losses but take responsibility for choosing life every time and moving forward. I am, as always, grateful to Dr. Karen Thompson, she has truly been an angel in my life with dogs. When I get down on myself, I always think I must not be too bad a person to have earned the trust and faith of someone who is this good.
And I am thrilled at the prospect of doing this with Maria. We never had the opportunity to have a child together, and this is not a child. But it is, nevertheless, a miracle, a source of love, learning and connection. I can’t wait until Friday. More to come.
Maria and I went to Vermont yesterday to visit a popular animal shelter, I had a check tucked into my wallet just in case. Lots of people get animals there, almost all of them happily, from what I am told.
We came there by a circuitous process. Our search for a new dog has been more complicated than we thought, we are running into obstacles, setbacks and some confusion. One breeder’s dogs are not in heat, the breeding bitch of another had only one pup. We looked on many rescue and adoption websites – hundreds of photos – and Facebook pages and are struggling to find the dog we want, a dog for both us, but especially for Maria.
We were excited about the shelter visit, we wanted to see some dogs who might need the kind of home we could provide.
I was surprised at first when Maria said she was nervous about going to the shelter. Why?, I asked. Because I feel like I’m going to be judged, she said, that I won’t ask the right questions or be rejected. I said I was sure that wouldn’t happen, but it seemed sad to me that anyone would go to an animal shelter and feel anything but welcomed and encouraged.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. I’ve heard this sentiment a thousand times. Many people are rejected at shelters – they don’t have enough money, they don’t have big fences, they are too old, have too many animals, work too hard, or drive carriage horses in New York City. The shelters claim they are just being appropriately careful, and I am sure that is very often true, but there seems to be a growing divide between the people who want to live with animals and the people who claim responsibility for their well-being.
There was nobody in the waiting room when we got there, we figured they were busy. In a few minutes, one person came out, then three. There was no interaction much. We were not welcomed in any way, nobody wanted to know anything about us.
We said we would like to see some dogs, we wanted to get some guidance about the dogs they had, but the shelter worker just handed us a laminated book of photos. She said it was too stressful for the dogs to be visited by people, and if we saw a dog we liked, they would bring it out for us to meet.
This struck me as odd. I imagine a few minutes of stress to be a very small price to pay for a dog finding a good home. Being alone in a crate for days is pretty stressful also. What about the stress of the people coming in?
Looking through the book, we were both put off. First, the shelter said they would no longer be identifying dogs by breed, it was just too complicated for them to try and identify breeds, so every dog would be called an “American Shelter Dog.” That, of course, is not a breed.
“Isn’t it more important to know the dog’s personality?,” offered the group on it’s website. “Don’t you want to know if this is the friend, buddy or companion you were looking for more than knowing what breed mix it may be?” Actually no, I thought, I would like to know all of it, where they come from, what they are apt to be like. If it is known, tell me, if not, I understand. I have a lot of buddies already, I want a dog that will live safely and happily and lovingly with me, not an emotionalized animal, and I am eager to have every scrap of information available to help me determine that. It is fatuous to suggest that highly-trained vets can’t make good or knowledgeable judgments about a dog’s breed.
I’ve heard of other shelters doing the same thing mostly because they have trouble adopting some breeds. This shelter said it was because dog breeds are too hard to identify, but other shelters admit that it is meant to protect breeds with troublesome reputations. Really?
The breed of a dog matters, there are enormous behavioral differences between a poodle and a Lab and Pit Bull and an Akita. Some cold weather breeds are food protective (not because they are evil but because there is often little food in their native environments.) I have nothing against Pit Bulls (Labs are much more likely to bite people), but some have bad owners and if I am to take a Pit Bull home, I would like to know it in advance.
My neighbor’s daughter was mauled by a Pit Bull and bitten in the face. They do not blame the dog, and neither do I, but she is still afraid of the breed and if I am to bring one next door, I want to be able to tell them about it first. Vets can spot breed characteristics quite easily. I am not about to tell my neighbor that the dog who looks just like a Pit Bull is a Pit Bull, but it doesn’t matter because he’s my special friend.
I also saw that veterinary references would be required to adopt a dog, and an application would have to be filled out, and that there was a mandatory counseling session to make sure the adopters understand the animal’s needs.
Maria and I looked at one another, we hadn’t driven 20 miles to look at a book, we had come to see some dogs. We thanked the staff and said goodbye – there were now three people in the room, each one of them ignored us and talked about the animals they would be putting up on Facebook shortly. One said we should check the website, it was constantly updated and photos of new dogs were placed there. Nobody volunteered to talk to us, asked for our numbers, gave us theirs, or wanted to stay in touch. We were done.
We left, no one had asked us a single question about who we were, what we might be looking for. I had the sense plenty of people come by looking for animals to adopt, there was no particular need to engage us in conversation, or even talk to us. It was clearly a seller’s market for many dogs, like the new Apple watch. People often tell me they feel lucky to be able to get a dog, rather than the other way around.
I have gotten a number of dogs from animal shelters, but not for a few years, and I remember that every one of them encouraged me to come and walk around, see the dogs (visiting a beautiful new animal shelter in Palo Alto, Calif. last year, the dogs were visible behind large windows, they begged us to come and see the dogs, get a feeling for them.) They asked me what kind of dog I liked, where I lived. They were alert to issues of care and responsibility, but I had the feeling they were more interested in matching me with the right dog than with making me jump through a lot of hoops to prove myself worthy.
I felt the Palo Alto shelter was unusual then, even more so now.
Am I just being touchy, even grumpy? I don’t think so. Maria and I left the shelter in Vermont feeling both deflated and uncomfortable, a sharp drop in mood. Adopting an animal should be a joyous and warm collaboration. I need to see, smell, study a dog before I even think of adopting him or her. Do I really need to provide veterinary references to adopt one of the many millions of dogs languishing in American animal shelters?
Why is it I have never been asked to do that before?
When I got home, I thought about it, and I decided I didn’t want to feel that way again. I told Maria that I should have called Karen Thompson, the wonderful breeder who gave me Red, in the first place. Over the past year, as I’ve written about the deepening conflict between people with pets and people with animals, and about the New York carriage horses and the circus elephants the ponies in the farmer’s markets, I have had this sense of a growing estrangement between people who are concerned with animal welfare and animal rights and people who love animals and wish to live with them.
It seems that animal lovers no longer see many animal advocates as partners, but as enemies, something to fear. I cannot imagine that is good for animals.
There is a fine balance to be had between seeking to prevent abuse and cruelty and getting animals to the right people who live in complex and challenging circumstances. My sense is that this balance has tilted sharply out of balance. There are an estimated 12 million dogs in need of homes, many languishing in the backyards and crates of animal shelters and the garages of private rescue groups. Adoption should be encouraged within reason, not discouraged.
No one should feel anxious about going to an animal shelter to adopt a dog. No one ought to feel guilty for having a job and walking a dog, or for not being able to afford a big fence and walk the dog instead. No one should feel they are too old to get a dog if they are committed to figure out how to care for them. And no one should ever adopt a dog and be denied every possible piece of information about them, their health, their history and breeds. That is always the right way to get a dog.
Adopting an animal is too personal, human and complex a process to be left only to websites and Facebook Pages. We are becoming a disconnected culture, talking to one another through devices and social media pages. That is not the right way to get a dog. At the core of the process is one or more human beings – the adopter and his or her family – and a rescue or shelter working sitting on the other side of desk, each looking the other in the eye and making a connection of trust, concern and commitment.
That is how I got Red, a dog breeder and animal lover and exemplary human being read my books, called me up and talked to me at least a dozen times, and we came to know and trust one another. We got to ask one another questions, listen to the other’s stories. The right choice was made, for me, for the dog, for her, and it could not have worked out better. Is there any better way to get a dog?
Our trip to Vermont reminded both of us what the proper way to get a dog is. This is a matter of connection, not forms or web pages or references. We will not be returning to that shelter, I will talk to Karen Thompson today, she has been breeding dogs for nearly 40 years, and knows many other people who love and care for them as well. She will talk to me as often as I need and wish. I trust her and she trusts me.
I bet we will come up with some good ideas. I feel that I am on track. One human being talking to another. And I have to admit, I fear for the fate of any animals whose fates are decided by people who see them only as beings too fragile to even be seen and who can only be known on Facebook and laminated photos.
