Day: July 4, 2015

Maria loves having Chloe and is experiencing, as she has before, the attachment and emotional issues that make the human animal bond so powerful and sometimes so difficult. She wrote about it honestly and movingly on her blog yesterday. These two wild women love one another and have connected very strongly, but Chloe is giving Maria a hard time about being ridden where Maria wants her to go.

This is a new experience for Maria, it is familiar to people with ponies and horses. Maria  encountered a lot of anger and isolation and hurt as a child, she is sensitive to being forced to do things she does not wish to do. She has been told that she must be a leader to the pony and make sure Chloe does what she is asked to do. This is a familiar process with many animals, especially dogs.

In my experience, there is a point in my life with animals – we have surely already been through it with Fate – where you have to make sure that the animal understands that they have to do what they are being told and asked to do. That you are the leader, not the boss – two very different things. This is how they live safely and harmoniously in our world, it is crucial to the relationship we seek to have with them. The challenge is to make this clear in a loving and positive way. For humans, that is always the hard pain, especially when the animal echoes painful and complicated issues and experiences in our own lives.

I am a passionate follower of attachment theory and I learned that our emotional interactions with animals are almost always reflections, even mirrors, of our own lives. Maria is learning it as well.

Maria is a very strong person, and a very sensitive one, it is very difficult for her to force any living thing – human or animal – to do something it doesn’t want to do. She has been through that herself, and she experiences coercion as a form of abuse. The very idea of it is painful and troubling to her. For her, the horse has to do with gaining strength and confidence – seeing her astride this animal is inspiring, I do not think I could do it.

So how do you make an animal do something it doesn’t want to do, and how do you feel comfortable about doing it when it kicks up so much painful dust?

Ponies, like border collies, can be willful and difficult. I have seen Maria process this kind of pain and abuse and confusion many times, she always comes through it stronger and clearer, she never gives up or gives in. It is the reason we are together, one of the reasons we are so connected.  I can testify to her commitment to finding her strength and moving through the challenges of life. Witnessing her find her voice and come to strength has been one of the most remarkable and powerful experiences of my life.One reason I love her so much is her extraordinary combination of strength and vulnerability and sensitivity, this mix is all over her art, her true voice and identity. It is, in some ways, what her life is about.

We are all made up of different recipes, we are all a brew, different smells and ingredients and flavors. Maria’s stew is sensitivity, she and Chloe are in the dance, it can, I know, only have one outcome, even if she isn’t yet sure of that.

I have seen and learned that many people talk of change, but very few people change. One of the few things Maria and I argue about all of the time is this question of change. People are always proclaiming themselves changed and healed, but I don’t see too many people doing the real work of change. Maria tells me I am too hard on that issue. But to me, real change is not about revelation and intention, it is about long and hard and painful and difficult work. Maria is facing herself, as I try and face myself, and it is awful sometimes, it can hurt so badly.

But her pony is a vehicle for change and understanding, this is what animals do for us, they give us the opportunity to see ourselves, and to grow, and to become better human beings, if we are willing to do the work. She is already doing the work, brushing the pony, grooming her, talking to her, hauling out the saddle and harness, riding through the fields and pastures, coaxing, urging, prodding this animal to do what she is supposed to do, being asked to do. It is, in so many ways, the age old story.

I am outside of this circle, I have no role to play but to watch and encourage, take photos and applaud, sympathiize and listen.

Maria does not write for sympathy, or to get money or help. She does not want help, she wants to understand it and sort it out for herself. She writes out of the timeless struggle of valiant people to face and find themselves and seek to be complete and authentic. I know something she does not know but will soon find out. She will not be having this problem in six months, she will not be mired in the endless recycling of pain and lament that marks the lives of so many people.

You can take it to the bank. She and Chloe will be having many satisfying and exciting rides together, whether the pony wants to go back to the barn or not.  Maria will be all the stronger for it, that is her way. That is the gift of the animals.

It is exciting to see border collies rushing around after sheep, it can be dramatic and even inspiring. My own personal favorite images are different. Herding sheep is a timeless thing, animals have been helping people care for their animals for thousands of years, working animals are among the most beautiful creations in nature, it is painful for me to see them being driven out of the world by people who do not understand anything about them.

For some animals – border collies for sure – working with people and serving them is their destiny, and they are not really about chasing, they are about sustenance and safety. Fate and the sheep are getting to know and trust one another, slowly and carefully. Some days, the ewes and wethers try and butt her and run her off, that is becoming less frequent. Fate loves to run around, but more than that, she loves to sit with the sheep and watch over, their true purpose.

People love to see the acrobatics and precision of herding trials, but I don’t care for them. They are manufactured events to me, there is nothing wrong with them, they are amazing. But now, I see Fate sitting down peacefully next to the sheep while they graze, and the sheep are coming to trust her enough to graze close to her, a sign that they respect the dog and know he or she won’t harm them. Sheep are wondrous readers of dogs, put a crazy or aggressive one near them and they will panic and run.

So they are paying her a compliment. The true purpose and role of the border collie is not to compete for ribbons, at least not for me, it is to help the sheep find graze, to watch over them, and to bring them home when they need to be safe. That is the timeless role, and I wonder seeing Fate slip gracefully into it, a little more each day. She has a lot of drive, but there is a calmness about her I will work hard to nurture and develop.

Red and Fate were mesmerized by Maria riding Chloe around the pasture where they usually herd sheep. The closeness between these two is especially touching, it seems to deepen all the time. Fate adores Red, Red is completely at ease around her, he accepts being pestered and jumped on and followed around. I think herding together has made them even closer.

I keep changing feelings and strategies and techniques working with the dogs, I love figuring it out. Working the two of them together seems like a better and better idea the more I try it. It gives Fate the confidence she needs at this age, and Red seems to like having her around, he just goes about his business as usual. Karen Thompson told me once that Red was a kind dog, and that is very true, he is a generous and sweet spirit. He loves having a little sister, it seems, I have had  several border collies who would not be gracious about sharing their herding work.

Fate was especially wide-eyed as Maria sailed past on Chloe, she ran along the fence a couple of times and looked like she was very much enjoying the show.