10 July

Fitting In

by Jon Katz
Fitting In
Fitting In

Maria and I saw the most wonderful movie  Sunday afternoon, we drove to nearby Williamstown, Mass. to see The Fits, an indie summer movie from first-time director Anna Rose Holmer.  The Fits is a haunting and lyrical exploration of puberty and identity, especially in the tumultuous world of young women.

Toni (Royalty Hightower) lives in an Ohio housing project with her brother Germaine.

We never see her home. The movie – it has less dialogue than perhaps any movie I have ever seen, but manages to say more than most movies with much chatter – takes place in a nearby community center.

Initially, Toni mostly hangs out with her brother and his fellow boxers, but she is steadily drawn into the exotic world of The Lionesses, a an almost mystical dance group whose members are breathtaking, almost animal like in their dancing style.

Toni doesn’t say much with words, but a lot with her eyes and body.  Hightower is such a skilled actress she almost always conveys precisely what she is thinking and feeling.

From the first, Toni is told to abandon her individuality and join the team. She is always watching, looking for some way in. Yet it is clear from the first that she doesn’t really want to get in.

She tries out for the dance group, and she is accepted,  but she refuses to “join the team”, every dance step is a chance for her to assert her independence.

Toni clings to her own identity with great strength and will.  Have any of us forgotten the powerful desire to join the group, and the painful experience of never being able to fully submit to it?

Suddenly, the group turns frightening: one group member after another is stricken with mysterious and frightening seizures, blamed on demons, sexual cravings and even bad water.

The dance group – Toni very much wanted to join – is suddenly dangerous. Butthe real danger for Toni and in her mind is absorption into the group, not death or illness. Toni seems to sense that from the beginning.

The true cause of these collapses is never known, and we never really know if they are real or a part of the identity crises that grip so many young women and men.

Holmer is brilliantly restrained in making this movie, not only is there little dialogue – the dancing is hypnotic, amazing – but she resists the temptation to make The Fits overtly about race. She skips the heavy hand, the obvious choice, there is not one single cliche or stereotype in this film.

The Fits is about being a young woman and hanging on to the core of yourself, pure and simple. It is about being a girl.

It is also about coping with the roiling pressures, inside and out, that come with puberty and the advent of sexuality. Nobody gets shot, arrested, or chased down a street, there are no politics. Yet race does hover subtly over the movie, and I believe it is the first mainstream film I have seen that has only one white person, a school nurse who appears briefly and ineffectually.

Freed of the sometimes painful and difficult interaction with whites, the movie is free to soar and it does, it breaks new ground.

The movie is about the struggle of individuals to fit in, every one of the movie’s 72 minutes is beautiful, riveting and honest. Toni is choosing her path in the world, and she inspires us throughout.  She never fails her sense of self.

Fitting in is a lifelong challenge for anyone who cares about identity, I have never managed to do it. I fit into my life with Maria, that is the first time I have ever experienced the sensation of truly belonging. And there are really just the two of us and some wonderful friends.

I’m not sure that really counts as fitting in. But I loved Toni and very much loved the movie. So did Maria.

The movie glides along like a beautiful dream, the ending is lyrical and wonderful, a soaring liberation of the spirit that left both of us deeply moved. I recommend it highly.

I will be thinking about it a long time, and I can’t imagine that any young person would not greatly benefit from seeing it and seeing how one brave  young girl hangs onto herself in the raging storm of adolescence. Old people often lament not being young, but being young is no picnic.

Toni shows us how to do it.

10 July

Nature’s Soul: The Unseen World

by Jon Katz
Nature's Soul
Nature’s Soul

My infrared camera, sent to me by Dan LLewellyn at maxmax.com to “have fun” with, was a wonderful gift. He sent me a converted infrared camera. It can see beyond what the human eye can see, it is the photography of the unseen world. Today, stormy clouds, rain and wind all day, in the afternoon, the sun began to assert itself and fight for a place in the sky. My camera saw this unseen (to the human eye) struggle and helped me capture a moment of it.

This is a spiritual thing, infrared photography. It helps me to see what I could not see before, and it helps me to capture the true glory and awesome power of the natural world.

10 July

Our Beautiful Garden (One Of Them)

by Jon Katz
The Beautiful Garden
The Beautiful Garden

Maria has done an amazing job of building up our gardens – we now have five. They have all been expanded, weeded, moved, trimmed,  fertilized, lovingly planted, watched and watered (that is my job.) Apart from the Lazy Susans, I have no idea what any of the flowers are, I just can’t retain the names.

I’ve learned that gardens take a great deal of work, vigilance, patience and creativity and trips to the hardware and garden store. I used to think you just put the seeds or flowers into the ground. I see the digging, re-arranging and thoughtful care that goes into planting. It has taken several years for this garden to really come of age, and Maria has all sorts of plans to improve and  expand it.

Gardening perfect for energetic and gifted obsessives. Frogs and snakes and mice and moles  and bees hang out happily in ours, except when the barn cats strike.

For that, you need better knees than I have. But I have come to love and appreciate our gardens, they have added so much to our house, our farm, or connection with the natural world.

Gardeners are a particular breed, I will never take a garden for granted again.

10 July

Two Dogs: Eternal Optimists

by Jon Katz
Two Dogs
Two Dogs

If you own two border collies, and sometimes take them out to work sheep (Good news for Red and Fate: Maria is getting another ewe, she is a Romney and her name is Izzy), then you will often have two dogs lying around you, waiting and watching eagerly. Whether you are sitting and reading, mowing the lawn, watering the garden, taking out the garbage.

There will always be two dogs following you around, waiting eagerly. They ever lose hope, give up faith, get distracted. The will sit by the gate and watch you all day long. Once or twice a day is perfectly fine for them, they’ll sit and stare hopefully anyway, no pouting or acting out if they don’t get the way all the time.

To have a border collie, you have to get use to a behavior that can be seen as annoying by some. You have to smile at it, love it, appreciate it and get used to it.
I’ve had border collies sitting around staring at me for more than a decade, and if there isn’t a dog sitting by the gate hoping to lure me over there, I feel queasy and uncomfortable, as if something is missing. Red just sits by the gate quietly, Fate keeps coming over and dashing towards the gate, as if she knows I am really planning to come and can be persuaded to get to the real work. Eternal optimists are border collies.

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