I am deep into a short book by C.G. Jung called “The Undiscovered Self: The Dilemma Of The Individual In Modern Society.” The book is described as a passionate plea for individual integrity during a time and the individual never feels more helpless or marginalized.
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious,” he wrote. That, to me, is the role of the individual, surely the job of the writer and the artist.
In the broad belt of unconsciousness which sometimes seems immune to truth, control or criticism, we as individuals stand defenseless, open to all kinds of influences and psychic infections. Self-knowledge is our only defense from the suffocating power of mobs and labels and demagogues and impersonal ideologies and states.
Since self-knowledge, writes Jung, is a matter of getting to know the individual facts, theories and labels and speeches help us little to find individual integrity. It is easy to feel that as a social unit, a poll projection, a vote to be manipulated, we are impotent, thus frightened.
I am seeking enlightenment, every day in my life, I seek to make the darkness conscious. Jung wrote that until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct our lives and we will call it fate. Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a fuller understanding of ourselves.
My granddaughter greeted me with a warm smile texted to me this morning, her first that I’ve seen.I think she has a sense of humor, she will need one. She has a nice smile.
Maria and I are taking the train to New York City for the day to meet Robin, I’m bringing a sack of books and toys and a camera.
We had planned to spend some time at home with Robin and Emma and Jay, but it turns out Robin is going to the pediatrician in the afternoon for something routine. Emma asked if Maria and I would go with them on the subway to Manhattan, it will be Robin’s first time on a subway, their first time taking her out of Brooklyn.
We are catching an early train out of Albany, returning Thursday evening.
She is understandably concerned about navigating into Manhattan with a new baby, their car seat doesn’t seem to fit in cabs.
The trip will take most of the afternoon.
We plan to take her out for her first lunch as well, Robin’s first time in a restaurant.
I am great at fast and efficient diapering and pretty good at calming and distracting babies. I think Emma would use some help and I am happy to be helpful. So is Maria. Other relatives are arriving Friday and staying for a while, so a quick visit seems right for now.
I think parents are like fish, they smell bad quickly if they stay too long.
Emma is holding up well, but she definitely signaled that she could use some help tomorrow.
Traveling around New York City with a newborn for the first time is not a simple matter.
It is important to me to help and also to be needed, I know we will be useful tomorrow, hopefully I can take Robin out for a walk, draw that smile out of her, I do know how to be ridiculous for babies, and sometimes, for dogs.
I am excited to be making this trip, I understand this is a passage for me, and for Maria as well, a new and important chapter in my life. If Robin has a sense of humor, we are good. I think I see a pirate eye, but I might be projecting.
I realize that it has been awhile since I was needed as a father, and fathers like and need to be needed sometimes. Emma is am independent and self-reliant person, as I hoped she would be, and tried to rise her to be, but I liked the feeling today that I could help and she was asking me to help.
Sometimes, it’s just good to have a parent around. I tried to be that kind of parent, sometimes succeeded, sometimes failed. I never once in my life asked my parents for help, and don’t recall every getting any help. I think that gets in the way of relationships sometimes.
I am phobic about asking for help, I never expected to get any. But many people have helped me in the past few years, and I have accepted their help. That has been healthy for me.
So the Grandfather Chronicles begin in earnest. I am going, I can help, it seems I am needed. Sounds like a mantra. I’m not ready to be smitten, I am ready to be a part of this, and whatever happens, happens.
That is a good start. I am in total confusion over which lens to bring. Em and I are making plans for me to return shortly for some serious portrait taking. In a couple of months, things will be settled down. For now, some help matters.
I told Chloe we would be in New York City for a day Thursday to meet my new granddaughter Robin. She gave me a wet goodbye kiss for good luck. I gave her a half a corn cob.
I was out in the pasture with the dogs this morning and saw a rustle in the leaves near the garden on the other side of the fence. I saw Flo in there, lurking, waiting for some mouse or mole or baby rabbit to emerge. I had to look closely to see her, and then she popped her head up to meeow at me. She is a sweet thing, sometimes, but I would not wish to be her prey. She is a killer.
I’m clinging to color and light, the Fall light is here, the nights are beginning to get chilly, the Farmer’s Almanac says we are in for a nasty winter. Our gardens are beginning to fade, I am appreciating the color and light while we have it. In one month, Columbus Day Weekend, we will have an Open House at Bedlam Farm – October 8 and 9.
The purpose is two fold – for Maria to have her eclectic and increasingly popular art shows, and for people to meet us, talk to us, see the animals, see the farm they keep reading about in books and blogs.
I’ve lost focus at times but we are back on track. They got too big, too social, there were too many people coming for too many different reasons. It seemed to me to have gotten out of hand. If feels better now.
The Open House is for people who care about us and who wish to see us on our home ground. There will be shearing, the trimming of equine hooves, some talks and poetry readings and Maria’s quite wonderful art show, featuring gifted artists selling unusual and affordable art.
I will be giving a talk about my work and our lives with animals and Maria will be talking about her forthcoming trip to India. The Gang Of Four will give up their wool to Jim McRae. Ken Norman will trim equine feet. I will do several herding demos with Red, who does amazing work, and with Fate, who does her own unique style of sheepherding.
We’ll have poetry reading and Ed Gulley will talk about farming and his folk art. We want the weekend to be low key, comfortable. I want to have time to talk about the dogs, my books, to meet with visitors and not be so harried and rushed. Deb Foster will be on hand for donkey tours and Tyler Lindenholl will be handling parking and crowd control.
The Open House idea is simple.
Come share our lives and art in a relaxed and informal way. We will accept donations of $5 to help defray the costs of the Open Houses. No dogs please. The Round House Cafe will be open and serving good and healthy food until 3 p.m. My portrait show will be on display there. Come and see us if you can. Fate and Red will be greeting. Chloe loves carrots, so do the donkeys. Details here.
The only promotion we ever do is on our blogs, and that seems to do the trick.
