Day: December 1, 2016

I was wondering this week why I am so drawn to taking pictures of Kelly Nolan, and I think the answer is that she is one of the very few people I know who are truly authentic. She has done many things – even worked in state politics at the capital in Albany – but she seems to have found herself with her husband, daughter, family and community, in her job at the Bog, a local biker and community tavern.

Kelly photographs so well because she is so genuine, and it is true that the camera does not lie, a good portrait lens is the best lie detector on the planet. Kelly knows who she is, likes who she is, and speaks the truth. C.G. Jung wrote that the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are, and Kelly knows who she truly is and is at ease with her self and soul.

Sensitive people are often derided as weak or damaged. But intensity is not a symptom of weakness, it is the hallmark of the truly compassionate and alive.

The psychologist Brene Brown says that authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It is, she writes, about the choice to show up for life and be real. The choice to let our true selves be seen, and that, I think, is what I love to take pictures of Kelly, they inspire me and others.

Not too long ago, I realized that I had been lying all of my life, to myself, to my family, to my friends, to the world beyond my troubled and broken self. I swore that I would never lie again, that I would be authentic, that I would learn who I really was and become who I truly am.

I had no idea how difficult that decision would be, how upsetting and enraged it would make so many people around me, how much it would shatter what I understood my life to be. A therapist warned me that no one around me would recognize me or know me, my life would come apart and would need to be  rebuilt. Everything would change, my ordinary world would collapse around me and vanish. And so it was.

She was prescient, this therapist. I set out on this painful path to be authentic, no matter what it cost me. And it cost me almost everything that I had.

I swore I would never lie again, to myself or anyone else. That I would stand in my truth and respect the truth and dignity of others, however different they were from me.

There is nothing, I think, more beautiful in all of the world than seeing a person take the leap of faith, set out on the hero journey, show up for life by  being themselves. By speaking their truth, finding their voice.

It isn’t for me to say whether or not I am authentic, it is really for others to judge. People know it when they see it.

I am on the path, I feel stronger and clearer and more at peace that I ever was or dreamed of being. I stop a thousand times a day, and say, “is this what I feel? Is this who I am? Is this the truth for me?”

And then, I know where I am. True authenticity only happens when we present our true, authentic, flawed and yearning selves to the world. Our sense of belonging can never be greater than our own self-respect and acceptance.

And it can never be smaller.

The last few days have seen steady rain, the back pasture is a bog, when I came out this morning, Biddy and Susie came out to pose for me, I think they still suspect the camera has some food in it.

In the afternoon, the activity room is crowded and there are different games for the residents. The Scrabble game is popular and seriously fought. Red spotted his pal Peggy and came over to provide some support. We are stepping up our visits during the holidays, Red and I and Maria have been invited to attend the Mansion Christmas Party on December 15 in the evening. I’m going to dress as as a rich and famous author.

Bill is a new resident at the Mansion, he lost his wife of 62 years last year and had to give his beloved terrier Duke away when he came to live in the assisted care facility. He worked as a chef for the last 20 years and misses his wife every day. He talks a great deal about Duke, who he trained to get the paper.

He is very grateful to see Red and yesterday asked if I could bring him one of my books. I brought him Second Chance Dog, the story of me, Maria and Frieda. Bill’s address is The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

Yesterday, when I visited  Connie, I heard her to ask for Crochet Pads to do her knitting work, which she loves. She told me today she used to makes scarves and mittens and sell them when she was living in her own house. After some online exploration – and a bunch of messages from knitters – II figured out that I must have misheard her, and that what she was really asking for was Crochet Patterns.

She wanted easy ones.

Connie Brooks at Battenkill Books had some excellent books with Crochet patterns, and Red and I stopped by to bring some to Connie today. Just before I arrived, one of the blog readers had shipped Connie a beautiful plastic bag filled with yarn, one of the many wonderful and appreciated gifts pouring into the Mansion from all over the country (today’s mail came from Hawaii, Canada, London, Alabama, Montana, Minnesota, Florida, New Jersey, Maine, South Dakota and Missouri, I didn’t get to see the rest.

Red and Connie are fast friends, I’m told she much anticipates his visits. When Red comes into the Mansion, he makes a beeline down the hall to her room, and if her door is open, they are cuddling up and talking when I catch up.

She was eager to show Red her bag of yarn, she has a big basket full of knitting needles, she will put the yarn to good use. Thank you all so much for embracing Connie and the other people in the Mansion, an assisted care facility. It is especially appreciated during the holidays, when many of the residents feel nostalgic and alone.

I think she was happy with the Crochet Books, they had scores of simple designs, and thanks to the people who messaged me to help understand what she was asking for. Much appreciated. Sometimes advice is wanted, needed, and helpful.

I don’t wish to take advantage of anyone’s good nature, but it you wish to write Connie or any of the other residents of the Mansion, the address The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816. I can’t tell you how much they mean to the staff and the residents.