Humor: the quality of being amusing or comic, especially as expressed in literature or speech.

Today begins week two of my book tour for “Talking To Animals: How They Can Understand Us And We Can Understand Them.” It was a wild and stormy week in some ways. Sometimes fun, sometimes not.

The current state of American politics dictates that the media cover nothing but our new President, and that is their business not mine, but it sure has shut down publicity and interviews for new books. Normally, I’d be doing non-stop print and media interviews for weeks, for this book I’ve had two so far.

On average, my books are review in dozens of places, but few news organizations review books any longer so I’ve had about four reviews, four great, one so-so. My world has changed.

It’s possible I’m simply over, and just haven’t owned up to it, but my agent assures me this is not yet true.

Then again, doesn’t he have to say that?

The truth is, I like my new book a lot, and that matters the most. You can order it here, and I will personalize and sign it, and you will get a free classy tote-bag – or you can call 518 677 -2515. They are very nice and they take Paypal and major credit cards.

My first reading was eerie, it was in my hometown bookstore, Battenkill Books, and only five people showed up. My first review on Amazon was especially nasty, even by contemporary social media standards.

My second two readings – one in Connecticut and the other in Chatham, N.Y. – were great, lots of people, no empty seats, lots of good questions. My next talk will be at Oblong Books and Music, Rhinebeck, N.Y., from 6 to 8 p.m., Tuesday, May 23.

There is a lot of interest in my writing about how to communicate with animals, I am happy to see that building.

The other good news is that I am widening the gap in my ferocious pursuit of Esther The Wonder Pig on Amazon’s Pet Care And Essay Category. I am number one today, and Esther is no. 6. She is a large pig, I am told, and I see she is also a fierce competitor, we have been slugging it out for number one for days, and she has sold a zillion books.

(Note. A warming to readers. This post contains something called humor, an ancient tradition in which people who are allegedly creative and witty make other people smile. It still exists in some parts of Europe and Northern Canada, and South America, but has vanished in many regions of the United States, where it is simply not permitted. If you find humor troubling or offensive, this may be a good place for you to stop reading and get  on over to CNN or Fox News, I promise there is no humor there.)

A lot of people do not think my pursuit on Amazon of Esther is appropriate or the least bit funny, and they have told me so. I responded in my usual thoughtful and deliberate fashion by suggesting they go somewhere else if they can’t laugh. How come it’s okay for Esther, who weights more than 600 pounds now, to wipe my ass up off the floor on Amazon, but I can’t pursue her?

I will admit I don’t really want to see her on the brunch table on the Round House Cafe, that was over the line and ruined some breakfasts, for which I am sorry.  Many people thought it was hilarious, some people really did not. The thought did occur to me when I saw that Esther really is a wonder pig, and a literary sensation as well, she has 913 five-star reviews.

I haven’t had that many in a decade. Breathing down my neck is a portrait of rescue dogs, right behind me.

I am, however, happy to report I have chased the Puppy Nanny right off the category page.

But the truth is, I am a both a heart patient and a diabetic, and I can’t eat bacon. Check out humor.

I have one nasty two-star review, which isn’t even about my book and which calls me a thief and a scum-bag and one five-star review. I mean, really, who is chasing who? They say that humor and envy are first cousins.

I am disturbingly competitive, I once tried to shame an 11-year-old boy out of entering his photographs in a County Fair competition. He laughed at me and won a blue ribbon.

So in any case, I hope you will consider buying a book. Esther is a tough pig, and she is only five spots away. If you do buy a book, I hope you order it from Battenkill Books. They are a wonderful independent bookstore and deserve to thrive. And you get good and free stuff.