My hard time is always the night, and this morning, spinning wheels and more spinning wheels.
Should we get another dog? Will it rain all day? How can I help my daughter get some rest, I see the weariness in her eyes? I’m up at 4:30 planning the day. Maybe I’ll get the baby up early so Emma can sleep? Maybe we’ll go to the bookstore to get some books and a toy? Do we really need another dog, our lives seem under control, finally?
Maria smiles and shakes her head. She knows to laugh at my spinning wheels.
We decide to get creative. The rain need not gloom up our day. We’ll go into town, take a walk in the rain, go out for lunch. Let’s see what Emma wants, what would be restful to her. The baby seems happy wherever she is, whatever she is doing.
And then, as the light comes up – no sun today, rain all day – I come back into myself. The ancients used to say that in old age, your only relationship to the world is your begging bowl, which in our society means your bank account. That’s what I’ve already earned, and does it have to support this relatively carefree last stage of life?
I hope not, I am still working, still earning, my relationship to the world is different from the ancients. I have no bank account.
I am excited about today, getting to know my granddaughter, going to see about a new dog, more things to write about photograph, more ways to love my wife, to help my friends, to hook up with the Army Of Good. My relationship to the world is this: everything is coming up and flowering, it is very, very sweet.
Today, Maria and I and Robin and Emma will fashion a rich and loving day, we will see right through the rain and into the promise of our lives. First, breakfast, then a visit with the donkeys, then a trip to see the puppy. Lunch out somewhere, then a visit to the bookstore and it’s beautiful new children’s section.
Grandpa will get to buy this girl a toy, maybe a cloth book. Maria and I will do it together.
Fate adores this baby, they will sit on the floor together and figure out who the other is. More later. The wheels are slowing, I am returning to life.