8 August

The Queen Of The Bog: Community And The Vanishing Neighbor

by Jon Katz
Pride And Prejudice: Kelly Nolan. Knowing Our Neighbors

Sociologists believe Americans are becoming a lonely people, social change and new technology and fear and disconnection are are destroying community and keeping us from every getting to know our neighbors. Are Americans getting lonelier. A highly respected sociologist says that we are.

Our society is becoming fear and anger driven, we read about other people but increasingly, we don’t get to see them or talk to them. People flock to cities, but  have little interaction with the people around them. Social media is teaching us to hate people who are different and hold different political views.

To me, it seems many would prefer to tweet at one another and make “friends” they never see or know on Facebook. According to social scientists, the social isolation that now characterizes the life of so many Americans is unhealthy, it flies in the face of the way human beings were meant to live, and have always lived, until recently. New studies suggest that one in five Americans are lonely.

I think in a way this is why Kelly Nolan is so important to me. She is a social creature, the Queen of the Foggy Notions Tavern, otherwise known as the bog. She is a friendly face, a courteous, empathetic presence in a world increasingly characterized by anger, argument and polarization.

We almost always see our neighbors there.

Even in rural America, community is under siege. Small businesses, where we often meet and see one another, are being  replaced by online shopping and chain stores. The jobs that bound us to our towns have gone overseas. The politicians and economists have forgotten us. Cities are faring better, but seem to be getting even lonelier, according to surveys.

Kelly is not interested in my politics, she has never asked me about them. She connects with people on a personal level, without judgment or intolerance.

One of the reasons my community is so important to me is that we struggle to know one another. I always think of this when I think of the fierce battle to keep the Round House cafe in business on Main Street. And when a merchant tells me not to worry, “I know where you live” when I forget my wallet or run out of money.

Or when someone comes up to me on the street to tell me how much they admire Robin Gibbons, Gus’s breeder. They just seem to know us.

I feel community when I call an electrician for help and try to give him or her my address and he says, “I know where you live. You bought Florence  Walrath’s place.” I don’t in paradise, we are not all brothers and soulmates here,  there are plenty of difficult and combative and suspicious people. Small towns can be small.

In my life, I have embraced and appreciated the rise of new technologies. I welcome change. I don’t believe the good old days were so good. Facebook is important to my work as an author. But I have no illusions about people being my “friends” because they click my user name on a computer.

In New Jersey, where I lived before moving here, I almost never saw my neighbors or knew who they were. I felt quite isolated, and the the feeling of community was a major reason I loved being here, and ultimately moved here. I do not always feel loved and welcome here, and my politics are usually different from my neighbors and many of my friends.

But I do feel know here, and that feeling is transformative, healthy and important. As I gaze out sometimes at the grating and angry social and political divisions tearing the country, I see and feel the damage loneliness and social isolation can cause.

To care about one another, listen to one another, we have to first know one another. We have to know our neighbors.

At the Bog, and under Kelly Nolan’s gracious and warm eye, we are known. For many years, I didn’t set foot in the Bog, I thought it was a biker’s hangout, I was certain I would not be welcome. Now, I go there almost every week, and there are many biker’s there, and it is perhaps the friendliest place in town.

1 Comments

  1. We have a long time friend who actively tries not to interact with his neighbors. Doesn’t want to know their names or anything about them. In contrast, we were thrilled when we realized that this house where we have lived for about 20 years now was the1st where we met our neighbors, went to funerals when they passed away, and go camping with some of them twice a year. It’s a good feeling, especially since so many of my local family have passed away to have people around who would be concerned if they didn’t see me one day.

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