Before Hollyanne left, she asked if Diane wanted to move to her high chair in the corner of her room, so she could sit more comfortably with her new baby, Sue. Diane said she would like to move out of the bed and she used her walker to get to her chair.
Hollyanne put her slippers on, and then covered her legs with a blanket, and then brought her more water to give to Sue. I asked Diane if she was hungry, if she wanted to go to the dining room for supper, I knew the staff would come back to remind her.
Diane looked as happy and peaceful as I had ever seen her. I left her to her baby. I think we did some good today.
She said no, she wasn’t hungry, she was going to spend the night holding Sue and making sure she felt safe and comfortable. I knew that Hollyanne or the night staff would come back to get her and Sue into bed. I said good night and leaned over to give Sue a kiss on her forehead.
“Oh yes, oh yes,” said Diane, “everybody needs to be loved. Everybody needs to be heard.”
If you wish to write to Diane or to Hollyanne, you can do so by sending your letter to The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.
it was an incredible thing to see the depth and joy in Diane’s smile after she took hold of baby Sue. When we were alone, she looked at me with great warmth and asked me if I had brought the baby to her. i said no, a lot of people out in the world had brought the baby to her, we called them the Army Of Good.
I don’t think she quite grasped that idea, and I didn’t want to belabor it. She did grab my hand, and say, “well, whoever brought this baby to me, would you thank them for me? Sure, I said, I would be happy to thank them for you.
Thanks.
If you wish to support my work with the Mansion residents, there are many small acts of great kindness to perform there. I can only do this with your help. You can contribute by sending a donation to The Gus Fund, c/o Jon Katz, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., or via Paypal, [email protected].
I thank you also for making this special day possible.
When I think of this quite remarkable day, I think of Diane and Hollyanne when we first brought Sue, the baby, into Diane’s room. Life is an assisted care is a symbiosis, really. Everyone has lost something, no one is really alone. I have long admired the peopole who choose to do this important work, for little pay and without complaint. It takes a special person to do this work, and there are a lot of special people at the Mansion.
Hollyanne grasped the potential and importance of a baby doll for Diane right away, and reveled in this as much as Diane did. I love this image.
Diane seems to intuitively know what it means to be loved. She was hugging Sue, her new baby, and looked over at Red, who was sitting behind me on the floor, out of the way. He seemed to understand that this was not his work.
Hollyanne had to go back to work, I stayed with Diane and Red and Sue. It was very beautiful in that room, very quiet but peaceful.
Diane called him over to her – she loves Red and he always visits with her – hugged him in her right arm and her baby Sue on her left shoulder. Without letting go of Sue, she leaned forward. There was plenty of emotion in the room right then, but more was coming.
“I still love you,” she told him, “you know that, don’t you? I will always love you. You need to be loved, you will always be loved.” She wanted to reassure Red that he would not be forgotten. Red is never one to forego a hug, he was happy to stay in that moment with Diane and her new baby.
“You thought i wouldn’t love you any more because I have a baby now, didn’t you?,” she teased. Red wagged his tail, he knows when someone is speaking to him.
I was very happy with this day, a new experiment that worked, an new experiment that helped brighten a life. Diane has so much love to give, and now she has a way to love something and care for something 24 hours a day. She said she was going to take a nap with Sue, and sleep next to her in her bed.
As we left, she yelled out to Red, “you will always be loved.” I waved goodbye and closed the door.
It did not take Diane long to notice the “baby” as we called it, and to reach out to hold her and touch her.
It was as if she had been waiting for us to walk in the room.
“What is this?,” she asked, confused at first, waking up, then smiling.
“It’s a baby,” said Hollyanne, who was impressive – perfect really – throughout.
Hollyanne cares and knows how to live, and that’s what matters the most. She also knows how to love without being patronizing or condescending. She just said the right things at the right time.
As you will see in the video, Diane took the baby in her arms, and began stroking her and talking to her. Her face was full of love, her voice was soothing, she could not take her eyes off the baby. I said the baby needed a home. I said the baby needed a name.
Diane said she would love to take care of the baby, she said she would like to call her “Sue.” Great, I said, it’s your baby. She could hardly believe it.
So Sue was the name, and Diane adopted her right on the spot. She was thankful and grateful. She kept promising Sue she would love her, and forever.
Hollyanne sat next to her, brushed her hair back, talked about the baby and how lucky we were to have her. Diane kept smiling at the baby, then at Hollyanne.
Diane was simply in a state of bliss.
“You’ll be loved now,” she said to Sue, “you’ll be noticed, you’ll be heard.”
I remember when Diane would sit on a sofa clutching Red a month or two ago, saying over and over again, “you’re okay now, nobody will hurt you now, you’re safe now,” which said much about her and her great need for nurture and her life.
The video speaks for itself, it was a very powerful moment, we were all in tears, me, Hollyanne, and Brittany.
You can probably hear me sniffing in the video. I seem to be crying more these days.
Come and see this special moment, you made it happen.
The Army Of Good funded the baby doll, and you did a great deal of good today.
I love working as a volunteer at the Mansion, an Medicaid facility stretched for funds. I have seen many Diane’s in many facilities, but I’m often told there is nothing that can be done to help them.
At the Mansion, the staff notices problems and thinks about how to help. They are always talking about how to help the residents, how to get them clothes, how to take them outside to take walks or see the world. They are always trying, they never give up on people.
Two of the staffers came to say that a realistic doll might be good for Diane. And if I had not responded, no one would ever have said a word or blamed me.
No one asked me for money, or even to get the doll. I got the idea, and I appreciate how much they care. I take it from there if I can.
At the Mansion, they permit me to do my very limited and bounded work, and I am grateful. Many places tolerated me for Red’s sake, but kept me at arm’s length. They are wary of outsiders. The Mansion lets me in, I feel welcome there. I am researching inexpensive new tools to help the residents. I always discuss them with the staff, and get their input.
I have a lot of high points and low points at the Mansion, I see a lot of life, and a lot of sickness and death, just like in my hospice work. Moments like today are rare, but very powerful.
This was a high water mark for me, there was so much love and emotion and joy in that room. I will not soon forget it.
In the video, please not the faces of Hollyanne and Brittany. These are the faces of the Mansion staff.
This doll is a prime example of my philosophy of doing good – small acts of great kindness. You simply cannot be angry or despondent about the state of the world when you see something like this. It is so much better to do good than to argue about what good is.
We don’t want to get bigger, we have no wish to alter reality or fate or offer miracles, we just try to fill the holes in people’s lives and brighten those lives in small but important ways.
I don’t know how many times I’ve thanked the Army of Good, but I’m happy to do it again. Thanks for making this great gift for Diane possible. Please watch the video. It is special, it was taken seconds after Diane named her baby Sue.
And please consider supporting this work, another residents needs a baby doll, I am told. This one cost $200, plus diapers. You can contribute by sending a donation to the Gus Fund, c/o Jon Katz, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, or via Paypal, [email protected]. Please mark it for “The Mansion.”
