19 April

When Movements Become The Dance Of Destinies

by Jon Katz

Julz Irion, Kathleen McBrien

One  step, two steps, three steps,; like winds of time experience joy of centuries, when movements become revelations of the dance of destinies.” – Shah Asad Rizvi, on the meaning of the belly dance.

On Saturday May 19th at 7 p.m., Maria’s dance group, the Bennington Beledi Tribal Belly Dancers will perform along with other dancing groups from New England at the Masonic Hall, 504 Main Street, Bennington. There will be refreshments served, tickets are $10, they can be purchased at the Bennington Cafe, 124 Pleasant Street,  Bennington, Vt. For information, call 802 442-8012. 

 

19 April

“This Is What We Look Like…” Belly Dancing Concert in May (Maria’s Group)

by Jon Katz
Belly Dancing Concert In May. Kathleen McBrian and Jules Irion.

Dance to inspire, dance to freedom, life is about experiences, so dance and let yourself become free.” – Shah Asad Rizvi.

About a year ago, our friend Kitty Farnham invited Maria and I to a Belly Dancing Concert at the Mason Lodge Auditorium in Bennington Vt.  We were both surprisee and delighted. And hooked.

This is not something I ever paid much attention to, I had seen it once, at Disney World, and had no sense of its history or meaning.

The evening changed my understanding of it and both of our lives a bit. This dancing is infectious, it lifts spirits right up out of their chairs. On the way home, we couldn’t stop talking about what we had seen.

Belly Dancing is a dance of the times in a way, it is both intensely political and boisterously mystical at the same time. It reveals the power of women, and also defies their vulnerability.

To me, it celebrates the sometimes the sometimes unseen strength and growing power of women. There is no hidden strength in belly dancing, it’s right out there for us to see. And something about it dances right in the faces of men. An old world celebrates the new.

One poet said of belly dancing that it is the narration of an ancient and magical story, that  recites itself on lips, illuminates imaginations and embraces the most sacred depths of souls.

I felt that in Bennington last year, Maria feels it every week in class.

Belly dancing was one of the first forms of feminist expression in the world, it is thousands of years old.  The dancing has a proud message to the world: “look at us, this is who we are, this is what we look like, we are proud of ourselves and strong and filled with joy.”

Maria felt it deeply, she shocked me by joining the Bennington Beledi  Tribal Belly Dancers a few weeks later. I have never known Maria to join any kind of group, to my surprise, this was her place, she belonged.

She was the last person on earth to show her belly to anyone, she practices every week with the group and comes home happy and affirmed, bumping her hips, snapping her zills. She used to say she could never learn this dance, she doesn’t say that any more.

We are happy to announce that her belly dancing group will be performing once again at the Masonic Lodge on Main Street, Bennington on Saturday, May 19th, at 7 p.m. Tickets, which are $10,  can be purchased at the Bennington Cafe, 124 Pleasant Street, Bennington, info at 802 442-8012.

In addition to the Bennington dancers, Belly Dancing  groups from all over New England will also perform.

Belly dancing is not an exotic amusement for men. It is about a joyous physicality, hard work, community and pride. It’s about putting oneself out there, loving your body, loving yourself. Maria loves her classes and works hard at learning the many parts and moves of belly dancing. It takes years, she says, to be good enough to perform.

Belly dancing fits in beautifully with the rising tide of change affecting women all across America. They are aroused and on the move, they have no intention of turning the clock back or of sitting by while angry old men do it. I would say to these unnerved and threatened men:  get out-of-the-way, women are making history, they are the change.

Come and see them dance.

Maria is not dancing in this year’s program, called “Spice Routes.” The concert will benefit Meals On Wheels, a free food service for the elderly.

I saw Maria’s class for the first time and for a few minutes tonight in their home studio, I went to take some photos of Kathleen McBrien and Julz Irion, two leaders of the group. They will be performing on May 19th. I’ll be there taking photos and Maria will be helping to design and set up the stage backdrop for the dancers.

I’ll put up a short album on Facebook tonight, they are a photographer’s dream.

One of these days, I’ll get to see Maria up on stage, I can feel it coming.

19 April

Dogs And Hope. I See It Every Day.

by Jon Katz
Dogs And Hope

 

I’ve written many times about dogs and emotions, and it always generates a good deal of argument and emotion.

People really need to believe that dogs have our emotions, this has evolved from the increasingly intense and personal roles dogs are now playing in the emotional lives of people.

The projection of human emotions and values onto dogs has become an epidemic, it might be good for people, but it is no favor for dogs who have been emotionalized, medicated, rescued and increasingly confused with human children.

The new work of dogs is propping up their alienated and polarized and fragmented humans. Over time, we have come to worship dogs and dislike people. We have upended our emotional lives and theirs.

More and more, we are taking all of our human waste, grieving, loneliness,  our neuroses and anxieties and dumping it on dogs in the name of love.

Hundreds of thousands of dogs are now on medications for anxiety or depression. Or for just being dogs and barking loudly.

I sometimes pity the happy and healthy dogs just looking for a home, they barely have a chance. One shelter worker told me she tells visitors that every dog in the shelter has been abused, those dogs get adopted. She says almost no one wants a happy dog.

I do not believe dogs grieve the way humans do, I don’t believe healthy and grounded dogs with healthy and grounded people experience separation anxiety, I don’t think they need to go on vacation with me, or to friends house for dinner, or to comfort me on airplanes.  I don’t mourn their death for years.

I just love them, and one reason I love them is because they are not like us, they are quite different.

They have hope.

Recently, writing about Gus, I came across a piece by my favorite dog scholar, Stanley Coren. Writing about dogs, he sanely observed that dogs couldn’t possibly grieve like humans because they have no idea what death is, or the idea that humans or other dogs leave but will not ever return.

I wanted to cheer Dr. Coren on, a sane voice in the wilderness. You can read his very fine piece here.

Dr.Coren loves dogs as much as anyone, but he has perspective and I find his books invaluable and rational.

He agrees that dogs don’t grieve like we do, but he also observes that one emotion dogs might have is hope. Dogs, he writes are eternal hopefully and I love them for that. Hope is an emotion I see in dogs, every single day.

My dogs are ever hopeful they will get out to the sheep: every time I stand up, put a coat on, pick up car keys, or look outside, they are on their feet and at the door. They never get resentful or disappointed when their hopes don’t come true, they just wait until the next reason to be hopeful again.

They hope they will get a great, they hope they will go for a ride, they hope it is feeding time, or time to chase a ball. They hope to be scratched or petted, they hope to go for a walk. They hope to have something to bark at.  They are always hoping for something, and are never disappointed or angry when they don’t get what they hoped for, which happens much of the time.

In fact, I believe, as Dr. Coren does, that when dogs look for lost humans or dogs, they are not mourning them, they are hopeful they will return, they hope to see them again. That works for me.

That is not the same thing as mourning death in the way that humans do, or feeling the same emotions that humans do.

The thing about dogs is that we get the dogs we need, and we project ourselves onto them, and we see the things we need to see.In our time, that is really the point of dogs. We don’t need them for farm work or protection any more.

I work hard to fight that impulse, which I also have,  and to see the dogs for what they are, not for what we need them to be.

I love the hopefulness of dogs, and I have worked to incorporate this wonderful trait into my own world view. I am hopeful too, every day. When I look at the news, I do not lament our world, I hope for a better one. When I am sick, I hope to be well, when I hurt, I hope to be free of pain. When I see bad news, I hope for better news. I count on it.

When I was loveless, I hoped to be love. I believe this is one of the many powerful things my dogs taught me, and they can teach all of us a lot once we stop turning them into dependent replicas of our own sorry selves.

Dogs have hope, I see it every day.

19 April

The Search For Memory: When The Mind Becomes A Trap

by Jon Katz
When The Mind Becomes A Prison

John has been at the Mansion only a short time, he is an intelligent and wry spirit. I was cautioned that he is subject to sharp mood swings and can get angry and verbally abusive. I like him, we have had some good talks in his room, he loves to talk and pet Red, he talks of his dog often.

In this work, I have learned to look deeper into the souls and psyches of people, the person speaking isn’t always the real one. This requires patience and empathy, I put myself in their shoes and try to see the world through their eyes.

John keeps mostly to himself, and has spent much of his life alone, he tells me.  He is coming to terms with being at the Mansion, it was not something he wanted, but something he needed. Every now and then, he wants to escape. It’s not really the Mansion he is escaping from, but the turmoil inside of his own head.

When we sit and talk, he is calm and smart and funny.

Yesterday, I was in the dining room working with Joan and I saw that someone opened the front door and I saw John was trying to get out. It was cold and icy outside, and John was not dressed for that weather.

Someone came in and opened the door and John stood in the doorway, looking out. He told  he was going out, he said friends were coming to get him.

He seemed  agitated. I have seen this before with some of the residents. They are frustrated and can’t  express it.

I have great empathy for this frustration, there are times I see when the mind becomes a trap, a kind of prison, and anger and frustration are an understandable response.

It must be difficult for you, I said, and John snarled. I went out to the car and brought Red in, I told Red to sit by the door. John is a sucker for Red, who grasps every situation we are in. He edged up to John and put his head in John’s hand. John said he wanted to go outside and no one could stop him.

It is not permitted for any volunteer to touch or restrain any resident, and it is not something that would be appropriate for me to do. I never put my hands on any resident, I will hug people who wish to be hugged.

But I knew he would pay attention to Red, and perhaps to me, if I was calm and understanding. He seemed furious. As angry as he gets, he never gets angry at Red, and always speaks softly to him and reaches out to touch him. The power of a dog.

John is not supposed to go out unaccompanied. I notified Courtney, a staffer and she rushed to the door to tell John it wasn’t safe for him to go out. The Mansion is not a Dementia unit, although some of the residents have memory issues. Courtney is small, but has a steel will.

The Mansion is building a 10-bed memory united right next door set to open in the Spring or Summer.

Courtney was impressive. She got in front of John and said quietly that it was not a good idea for John to go out in the snow, and she said she would stand in front of the doorway. I saw her poise and training and steadiness. She didn’t blink and didn’t move. Nobody was getting past her, I thought.

It was cold in the doorway and John towered over her. She made it quite clear she wasn’t moving, and although John glowered, he has never harmed anyone.

Just to be sure, I  stepped out onto the front porch behind Courtney. He would have to walk right over the two of us to get out.

I told him Red was waiting for him inside the door, and John seemed to get the message and came in. ‘Hey, Red,” he said, muttering that no one understood him.

I waited until another staffer arrived and Red and I left. I tell this story to illustrate the frustration of people whose minds can betray them at times. John wasn’t even sure why he wanted to go outside or where he would go on a gloomy and freezing night with no warm clothes.

I saw once again the amazing dedication and professionalism of the staff.

I got another example of how intuitive a dog Red is, there was no question that Red understood what his role was. These adventures on the edge of life are challenging and fascinating at the same time, I feel much compassion for the struggle of these people to  make their minds work for them again, and it must be a frightening and dispiriting thing to lose control of one’s own mind.

Hopefully, we can ease the struggle somewhat. I’m not sure why I am drawn to this work. But I am.

There are no miracles for memory loss and dementia, no magic pills or cures. But it is possible to life up these lives  at certain times and in certain ways and for certain periods of time.

As we were leaving an ambulance pulled up, they had come to check John’s heartbeat, he had complained of some discomfort in his chest. That was who he was waiting for, that was why he was standing in the doorway. He complained again, but sat down and co-operated.

I said goodbye. “I know this must be difficult for you,” I said, and he looked at me and turned away. We left.

19 April

The New Mansion Wish List: How We Are Helping The Residents

by Jon Katz
How We Help The Mansion. Wayne And His New Stuffed Dog

I’m happy to report that the brand new Amazon Wish List is up, and half of the more than 40 items requested last night are already gone. I told Mansion Director Morgan Jones to prepare for some packages arriving shortly, the mention of the Army Of Good provokes gratitude and a bit of dread, because when it starts to march, things happen and packages arrive.

They see your power on every holiday and in the stream of letters, photos and messages that come pouring in.

At RISSE, the staff has learned this lesson, there is a huge pile of boxes there waiting to be opened and unwrapped, more coming every day. Refugee children in the after school program are drawing, painting, doing puzzles,  learning math and English, learning how to use digital camera, making bracelets and necklaces, coloring and drawing.

I believe the Mansion Wish List will work as well, it is a simple, efficient and inexpensive way to do good, stay grounded and change lives. Julie Harlin, the Mansion Activities Director and the keeper of the list, is focusing on recreational and mental activities to keep the residents active and engaged.

I am focusing on outings, and more personal support – for reading, memory care, clothes, outings, shoes, slippers. As many of you know, I’ve become particularly interested in memory care and some forms of dementia. We bought Diane a “realistic” baby doll, she is anatomically correct and life-like. This has transformed Diane’s life, grounding her and giving her work and love and meaning.

I am not working with Wayne in the same vein, he asked to talk with me about getting him a stuffed dog he could care for.

Wayne is not as restless as Diane was, but he is also bright and curious and looking for an activity to focus on. This is the way in which I have chosen to support the residents, by filling the holes in their lives, providing them with the small things that can make a huge difference.

Diane was making herself crazy looking for a focus for her life, her baby Sue seems to be it, she is calm and relaxed. And very happy.

I will be working and visiting with Wayne this week to see if his stuffed dog affects his daily routine and state of mind. It is not a complex thing to provide dolls and stuffed animals to the residents in need of them, or to work with them on “memory sweeps” – my term –  and special reading material.

I’m also funding special lunches, boat rides and  excursions to animal parks.

I co-ordinate my work closely with the Mansion Staff, everything I purchase or bring has been approved by a staffer. We work closely and productively with each other, the openness and empathy of the Mansion owners and staff has made my work possible. Today I’m attending a workshop on memory care in the Mansion dining room.

I am learning more and more about this painful disease every day and increasingly, the residents come to me when they are in need.

If you wish to check out the new Mansion Wish List, You Can Do It Here.

You can see the RISSE Amazon Wish List here. Items there start for as little as $1.67.

If you wish to support my work,  you contribute to the Gus Fund, c/o Jon Katz. P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, or via Paypal, [email protected]. Please mark your contribution “Mansion” or “Refugees.” Thanks.

It is so much better to do good than to argue about what good is.

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