Day: April 23, 2018

I have often been criticized in my life, I have no sense, really if this is a universal experience or something unique to me. Maria was often criticized and often felt criticized, we share that experience. But it is not something I ask other people, or that other people volunteer.

Criticism is an integral part of interaction, creativity, the public expression of self. If you wish to put your work and ideas out there,  you will be criticized, it is not if but when. self rejection personalizes and magnifies criticism, if you  reject your self, there is nothing  between you and and the rejection of self.

Henri Nouwen, the great spiritual writer, wrote once that he came to believe that the greatest trap in life was not success, greed or power, but self-rejection. When I am criticized or accept the voices that call me worthless, false, or unloveable, then power and success seem like attractive responses and solutions.

My first response to criticism is to accept it. I believe it is a spiritual exercise to accept the idea that everything everyone says about me is true. It is the primary way in which I learn.

I find myself thinking, well, they must be right, I am nobody, I am worthless, I accept the worst parts of me. That was a reflex in me for many years, but over time, I learned to step back and distance myself from the idea, refine it and learn to live with it.

I no longer reject myself.

Nouwen says self-rejection is the great enemy of the spiritual life, because it contradicts and undercuts the sacred voice inside of all of us that seeks to love and be loved. The sacred voice leads us to our own God, whoever or whatever that is.  I deserve to be loved, I am not worthless, I am not false, I do not deserve to be abandoned or ignored or diminished.

I deserve to be  loved. I could not find love when I believed myself to be unworthy of it.

If I do not learn to love myself, of course, then how can I expect anyone else to love me?

Self-rejection is the obstacle to love. And self-confidence.

Every time I make the decision to love someone, I open myself to great  suffering, those we must live cause not only great joy but great pain. I believe that is why I couldn’t find love for so long.

The pain comes from leaving and letting go. The child leaves home, the husband or wife leaves often and for many reasons, including death.  If I want to avoid the suffering of leaving – many people do – then I could never experience the joy of loving. I think of the people who tell me they could never bear to get another dog because it hurts so much when they die.

To give up on pain is to give up on love.

Love is stronger than death or fear. I believe the risk of loving is always worth taking, it is the ultimate leap of faith.

“Listen,

this was his life.

I bury it in the earth,

I sweep the closets,

I leave the house.

I mention them now,

I will not mention them again.

It is not a lack of love

nor lack of sorrow.

But the iron thing they carried,

I will not carry.

I give them – one, two, three, four – the kiss of courtesy,

of sweet thanks,

of anger, of good luck in the deep earth.

May they sleep well. May they soften.

But I will not give them the kiss of complicity.

I will not give them the responsibility for my life.”

• Mary Oliver, Flare

At 7 p.m., May 19th, Maria’s belly dancing group and a number of other groups will host a dance concert to benefit Meals On Wheels of Bennington County.

The dance will be held at the Masonic Hall, 504 Main Street, Bennington. Admission is $10, tickets can be purchased at the Bennington Cafe, 124 Pleasant Street (802 442-8012).

Maria and I attended last year’s dance benefit, and we were both blown away by the belly dancing we saw, and the beautiful, defiant and mystical attitude of the dancers.

Dance as the narration of a magical story, wrote Shah Asad Rizvi, “that recites on lips, illuminates imaginations and embraces the most sacred depths of souls.”

Maria will not be dancing this year, but she is helping put the set and backdrop together, I will be taking some photos.

I was surprised by the depth and attitude of belly dancing, it is surely not about entertaining me, it is very much about strong women telling the world they are proud of what they are what they do, how they look.

I know most of the people reading this live far from here or nearby Bennington, but for those of you who do live here, think about coming. Belly dancing can change the way you look at dance and women. These dancings are a celebration of the feminine divine.

Maria, who is, to say the least, not a joiner, loves this group and the feeling of the dances.

One of the first arrivals to the Mansion of the new Amazon Mansion Wish List was a “realistic cat” named Butterscotch. He came with about 25 other boxes from Amazon. When the list first went up, Mansion Activities Director Julie Harlin put nearly 50 its up on it, this evening they are all gone. Thanks for your generosity, the gifts lit up the Mansion today (the cat and a color-changing plastic egg, among others.)

Julie did a wonderful job of choosing the gifts, the residents were as engaged and excited as I’ve yet seen them. You in the Army of Good are making a powerful statement to the Mansion, to the world beyond. I believe it is my job and the job of all cities to do good, to prevent wrongdoing and support compassion.

Because the world that we live in is at stake. Thanks so much.

The cat, tentatively named “Butterscotch,” was a huge hit. It was touching to see how much the residents love him (her?), touched here laughed and smiled. They were touching her, holding her and listening to her all day long. This is the kind of thing that pulls them out of themselves.

The Mansion Wish List is a huge success, many more packages are on the way. A new list will be going up shortly. Come and see the joy you brought, only the beginning. There is much more joy on the way.

My new business cards have arrived, 500 for $45 and I am delighted. I gave one to Maria, and one each to Lulu and Fanny, each of them ate their card but seemed happy to have them. We’ll see if I meet anyone who wants one, but it feels good to have a business card, and thanks for your help in designing it.

I feel that anyone  who has a business card is important, so I must be important. I might start sticking them in my refugee/Mansion thank you messages.