Maria and I went to the Holcombe Adult Home in Granville this afternoon to bring the 15 of her poems that will be included in our friend Mary Kellogg’s fourth volume of poetry, “My tIme Of Life.
The book will be published in May with with the help of graphic designer Abrah Griggs of Vermont. It will be printed by the online publisher CreateSpace and sold by Battenkill Books in Cambridge, N.Y.
Mary fell and broke her hip about a month ago, she is still undergoing physical therapy and hopes to return to her farm one day soon. She says she misses the farm, and is sometimes bored, but appreciates the food and the kindness of the staff at Holcombe.
We wanted to show her the final poems and some corrections for her approval.
Mary is 89 years old, she began writing poetry when she was eleven but never showed her poems to anyone until she was 81. She is a gifted, lyrical and compassionate poet, her work full of life and independence and dignity. She promises to read from her new book in October at our Open House at Bedlam Farm.
She lives on her 30 acre farm on a hilltop in a remote upstate New York. She is fiercely independent and is a passionate lover of nature. Mary is a cherished part of our lives, and is a wonderful friend.
Last week, she showed us the poem “The Photo,” which we read for the first time, it was written in 2010, it was inspired by the death some years earlier of her beloved husband Dick, who died of Alzheimer’s Disease. The poem will be published in “My Time Of Life.”
Donkeys are solar panels of the animal world, they love to stand sideways to the sun and soak up its warmth, I believe they store in their coats and in their bellies. I love the sun stance of the donkeys, they seem ethereal, wise and spiritual.
There are many people around Ed and far away who feel enormous pity and sympathy for him – he has a series of malignant and inoperable tumors in his brain.
Ed is not one of these people. Pity and sympathy is the last thing he wants, and he feels neither for himself.
Maria and I spent a few hours sitting with him this afternoon, and as well as I know Ed, I was startled by how calm, peaceful and even content he is. Perhaps accepting is the best word. We talked his concerns for his family and for Carol, we talked about the impact his life with animals has had on him, we talked about his powerful feelings for the Native-American culture and the ways in which they live and die.
I love to watch Ed and Maria talk, they are so easy with one another, and so connected to the artist inside of each of them. Ed asked me today if I had ever noticed the sparkle in Maria’s eye, and I said sure, you can’t miss it, it is the creative spark.
Ed was reading my blog this week, and he turned at me and winked: “hey, you really like me, don’t you?” Ed is the master of his own destiny, nobody tells him what to do, he has a clear and strong and deeply spiritual vision of the next months or years. We talked open about his feelings about life and death, and his deep feeling freedom now, he is free to finally live the life he has dreampt of for years.
He cares deeply for how his illness will affect his family, but he thinks little about how it might affect him. Whatever happens happens, he said, he will accept a miracle cure or death, whichever the fates decide. He says he is not in control of this chapter, and will let go of trying.
He has deep spiritual convictions, but is not conventionally religious. He is not looking for any supernatural force to save him.
We talked about computers, hospice, art and the human spirit. We had a great time, I love Ed, and I love talking to Ed. He said he was interested in noticing that his diagnosis threw me off. He didn’t think that was possible, he said. We laughed about a hundred times and shared all kinds of philosophy and ideas.
I hope it was good for him, I know it was good for me. We aren’t going down the sad road with him, he won’t have it and neither of us want it.
I told him that the gofundme project friends set up for him two days was fast approaching its goal of $10,000, that would happen tonight. It was just a few hundred dollars short of the goal when I last looked at 4 p.m. (At 7 p.m., the goal had been reached, it went to $10,570.)
I asked if it was all right with him if I kept pushing the gofundme project on my blog, the site permits donations to go over the goal as far as they can get in 30 days. I want to get to $50,000.
Ed, who never takes help from anyone, said he was comfortable with the gofundme project because it’s what farmers do now when another farmer is in trouble. People want to help, he said, so they should be able to help.
He said there is much beauty in his mind now, but you know, he said in classic Gulley fashion, “I can see beauty in deep shit.” Farmers see a lot of that.
Ed and Carol have both yearned to see the Dakota Mountains and Montana for years, and that’s where he intends to go with Carol and a new laptop and some voice recognition software, I am researching the different types and sorting through the reviews.
I asked him to be frank about his needs, I wanted to explain them to people.
He said that since he is refusing further medical treatment, and is on Medicare, he hopes most of the medical costs will be covered. but limited. He said he wants to make some home improvements so that the farmhouse will be warm for Carol in the winter and free of leaks or any rotting.
He hopes to buy a new tractor and manure spreader because he can fix his tractors when they break down, but he isn’t sure everybody else in his family can.
I explained to him that without supplemental Medicare insurance, which he doesn’t have, there will be some medical costs. And they are likely to be substantial.
And there will be the much discussed trip to Montana, which he says is one of the most important things for him and Carol to do, and do together. He is worried about Carol, but not himself. He also plans to blog every day and use his new computer to record videos of his thoughts and their journey.
Ed shared some of his extraordinary visions of Montana with us, he has never been, but sees it clearly in his mind. I won’t discuss the details of the vision, they are too private, but they are stirring and touching.
Maria and I are going with Carol to buy the new computer this week.
Ed has moments of anxiety and concern, but they are few. He doesn’t pretend to be a hero, he just as incredibly clarity, vision and peace of mind. He feels is being liberated from a lifetime of hard work and from the inevitable restrictions of dairy farm life – two milkings a day and the care of large farm animals.
We talked at great length about how his life with animals has shaped him, taught him acceptance. Ed has spent his whole life in the company of animals, and talks to them, handles them, and listens to them. I’ve seen hawks and possums and coyotes respond to him and accept his care.
The farmers I know have a unique relationship with animals, who are not just pets to them but their livelihood and purpose. Farmers are among the only people called uppn to kill the animals they love, and almost every day. Yet their love for their animals is as deep as any love in the animal world. They know animals in the way that few of us ever get to know them.
His visions and instincts remind me of so many Native-American stories of life in the natural world, and he has lived in the natural world every day of his life.
So now,another chapter, and Ed is eager to discover it and learn from it and share it. He hopes his stories will make life easier for others. I am sure they will. If you wish to push the gofundme project to $50,000 that would be great. You can do it here.
Thanks again for selling the Mansion Amazon Wish List, the second time in a week (it’s first week). I am grateful to the Mansion for embracing this idea and to the Army Of Good for rushing to the aid of the Mansion residents, who once felt left behind bu no longer do. You are good people with great hearts. A new list is on the way as soon as they open all of the packages from the first list. Smooch. You all remind me that it is good to be alive.
Peggie loves stuffed animals and letters. You can write her c/o Peggie, The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.
A friend e-mailed me the cruel and tasteless attack on Sarah Huckabee Sanders this morning, and by the White House Correspondents Association, of all people. it was an awful way to begin a Sunday or any day, it was a monument to the coarseness, hatred and alienation of our world.
It is no secret that Mr. Trump was not my choice for President, I have great fun poking this bear from time to time, but that is no reason to cheer or support such pointless cruelty. I want to say to the many people who disagree with me that I am no better than you are, my dreams no purer than yours, my beliefs no more sacred.
Wisdom begins by seeing the worst in myself, and the best in others.
I want to say I apologize for such cruelty, wherever it comes from, and I hope good and decent people will reject it, it is not humor, it is not funny, it is not noble, it does no service to our country or the wide differences between us.
I cling to the belief that we are all people, we share a common humanity, we all know fear and anger, we are none of us perfect. Behind the labels we so eagerly stick on one another are real people with feelings, ambitions, hurts and needs.
I am proud to say at this time in my life, I have no hatred in my heart for anyone. I will work harder and more thoughtfully about how to speak softly and walk gently. I yearn for leaders who wield empathy and compassion, I will follow them anywhere.
I will work hard every day to ensure that my corner of the world is free of cruelty and rage, there is nothing noble about harming or humiliating other human beings.
I want to say everyone is welcome here, whether you disagree with me or not (and so many do). I do not hate people who think differently than I do, or who make different choices. I have always believed this to be the heart of the American Experience. It is alive in my world.
In my universe, there are no labels, no cant or rhetoric from the left or the right. We are all humans beings, struggling to stay afloat in an uncertain world. We think for ourselves, and treat others with dignity and courtesy.
