Feed us
Posted At: Thursday, December 4, 2008 10:10 PM | Posted By: Jon Katz
December 4, 2008 – You sometimes feel very needed on a farm, as when you turn out in the morning or late afternoon and every animal in the place is waiting for you, staring at you, and looking at the barn doors where the hay is stored. Farms are complex places, with all sorts of elements, but I think none is more central than food. I love hearing the chorus of brays, baaahs and grunts when I appear.
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I enjoyed sorting through some of the messages about change and the farm. Many were encouraging and sympathetic. Some were anxious, worried about some of the animals. It is true, I know, that when I talk about change I usually do it. My goal is for the farm to be a peaceful, manageable place, but I don’t think I would give up on the notion of bedlam, the core idea.
I think the farm should reflect some of the life I want, rather than react to it. I appreciate the messages. When I make decisions, I usually follow the Hannah Arendt rule: it’s not about what others would do or think, but what you would do or think. It’s about self-respect.
A farm is a dynamic, complex place, and you either run it, or it runs you, or runs away with you. I don’t want mine to run away from me, or me from it. The messages always remind me that the place stands for something other than me.
Changing the narrative
Posted At: Thursday, December 4, 2008 9:47 PM | Posted By: Jon Katz
Elvis loves to have his chin scratched, and he had a good afternoon. I brought him an apple, Annie scratched his chin as we dumped a round bale in the feeder
December 4, 2008 – Had a great dinner with Steve McLean, the pastor of the Argyle United Presbyterian Church, and a great friend. Steve has taught me many things about faith and the spiritual life, including how to pray. We had dinner, Steve and I, and his wife Kim and daughter Liz. We also hung around with Mongo, the Spiritual Dog.
We talked about a lot of things, including the country’s economic woes, and people’s great anxiety, and Steve agrees with Jim from Glens Falls Toyota that we need to change the narrative in the country. We tend to value too many of the wrong things, and then live in fear of losing them, he said. Steve says that people don’t want to let any notion of God into their lives because then they have to change the way they live.
We prayed together, then walked over to the church, where the Christmas Tree had just arrived and was being unloaded. Nice to see. I hope to hear Steve preach on Christmas Day.
I told Steve I was eager to think about living more simply, and he thought I was discovering what was important. He asked me why I was changing, and I said it was because I wanted to, and was working hard at it.
I wrote earlier today that I was reconsidering the farm, and how much I care about it, and I told him that my gassing on had sparked a storm of advice, concern and questions – was I depressed? Suffering writer’s block? Sick? Unhappy?
It seems that for much of my adult life notions of change are greeted with concern and alarm. I don’t think anyone in my life thought I was anything but stark raving mad when I bought the farm.
When men change, it is often suggested that they are having a mid-life crisis, or some other kind of crisis. Why else change?
I feel differently about change than many people. If it is considered, and not out of fear or reflex, or harmful to people, it can be about growing, learning and living your life. I don’t think I can sit on life like a hen on an egg, waiting for it to hatch. Crisis and mystery are always just around the corner.
Reflections on changing
Posted At: Thursday, December 4, 2008 3:07 PM | Posted By: Jon Katz
Rose on her sheepskin
December 4, 2008 – I am a big advocate of change, at least up to a point. One of the curious things about this blog is that some people know what I am thinking before I do, or at least, as soon as I do.
I wrote earlier today about rethinking the farm, and I got a bunch of e-mail asking if I am thinking about getting rid of some animals, or re-homing them. I guess I am.
It isn’t really a question of money, although that is a factor. I guess it is a question of proportion. I think I fell into the trap of acquiring some animals mostly because I could, and also of thinking that the more the better, when that isn’t really who I am or what I feel. I don’t want the farm to be a veterinary clinic or rescue facility. Not what I am about. I want the farm to be a quiet, even spiritual place, a place to write and re-connect to nature and the natural world, and to try and grow and learn.
The dogs occupy a special place in my personal and emotional life, the core of what I write about. I don’t really love sheep, but love having sheep. They are calm, peaceful and I greatly enjoy taking the sheep out to graze and managing the pastures.
I am fond of Elvis and the cows, but I have problems with the idea of having steers and cows as pets, especially at this time. The goats are an amusing kind of muse, and they have lots of personalities, but I do not connect with them in the way I do with the donkeys, or with the dogs.
I want to have time, and space in my head, for writing, friends, for loving, for photography, and for hospice work. Sometimes one has to make space for important things, or we can drown ourselves out with work and anxiety.
Anxiety has been my demon, I am told, at times. I want to deal with it. So I am considering the farm.
All of these animals bring issues – feed, manure, water, noise. A farm is an entity, a whole, and I sometimes get the feeling this one escaped from me a bit. This is not a tragedy, or a drama. If that is so, that is part of a cycle that I will embrace and deal with, slowly and hopefully, thoughtfully. Not in a rush or frenzy.
And I will share this process with the good people who follow this small piece of earth and encourage me. I have always been honest with you, or tried, and many of you return the favor.
This is not bad news, quite the opposite. There are plenty of things to think about, write about, and take photos of here.
Sweet Lulu
Posted At: Thursday, December 4, 2008 2:55 PM | Posted By: Jon Katz
Taking care of Winston
Posted At: Thursday, December 4, 2008 1:06 PM | Posted By: Jon Katz
Every day, Annie or I check on Winston and she picks him up, talks to him, gives him corn and takes him to his water tub. He walked around today, and she thinks he will be around for awhile. I don’t think so, but Annie is usually right.
