Xmas week, Peace to Us. Community of Fear, cont.
Posted At: Tuesday, December 23, 2008 8:34 PM | Posted By: Jon Katz
McEachron road, in the afternoon
December 23, 2008 – The farm is a continuum, connecting me to many things beyond it’s fences. All day, sad messages have been pouring in – a young man killed in a Michigan car crash, a partner with breast cancer, a husband with colon cancer, a family losing their home, people losing their work, their jobs, their savings, a wife stricken with a brain tumor. Why are these stories coming here, and how could anyone experiencing these things not feel fear?
I’m not a shrink, or a theologian, and it is not for me to tell anybody else how to feel. I am not a member of the club that knows what other people ought to do.
I have been dealing a lot with fear this year, and writing about it, on this blog in a photo/text book (Out Of the Shadows) and thinking about it. Fear is one thing, and life is another. Life happens. Fear is a wall between people and life, a clammy hand around the neck, a feeling that hovers between our psyches and reality.
I don’t know what to say to Elise, whose partner is dying of breast cancer, or Peg, whose best friend was killed in an accident or Sam, who lost his savings, business and home in the same week. What they say to me is that they feel fear, and a lot of it, but that they also see beyond it. They found new friends, became closer to old ones, reconnected to family, found their sense of spirituality, got perspective, are loving more simply, more meaningfully. None of them despaired, and they were all determined to survive their troubles and lead different kinds of lives. This juxtaposition is so striking, and so curious – we are afraid, but many of us seem to know that if you don’t give in to the fear, or permit it to shut you down or paralyze you, then you can transcend it, survive it, even defeat it.
It would seem to me that it would be disturbing, depressing, to get all these sad messages. But like hospice work, it isn’t depressing, isn’t sad. it is life itself, and each of the messages was as triumphant as sad.
” I just lost 20 years of my life, the roof over my head, my daughter’s college tuition. But I am not angry, or defeated,” wrote Sam.”I’m going to change my life, live in a different way, a better, simpler way.”
Joanne’s husband goes into surgery Friday to find out how bad his cancer is. “The fear is a black figure hanging in the shadows behind me. I’t tried laughing at it, sneering at it, yelling at it. I’ve even written profane notes to it. It won’t leave me. So I have decided to allow it to follow me, but not consume me.”
There is nothing much I could say to these people. There is a lot they said to me.
I am fortunate to get these messages because I have written about fear, and these people don’t write to me to complain, but to share their experiences and to tell me that they are heartened and encouraged to know that others feel fear as well, and are nourished by the idea that fear is not eternal or impermeable, but is, in fact, a space to cross. Peace to us, this week. Thinking of the light that follows shadow, and defines it.
Peace to us: Community of Fear, cont. (Smile for the Love Dog)
Posted At: Tuesday, December 23, 2008 6:22 PM | Posted By: Jon Katz
December 23, 2008 – Lenore may be one of the most powerful creatures around these days, because if you look deep into her beautiful eyes, you will smile, no matter what is happening in your life. No small gift.
I am learning about the community of fear, and I am passing along some things that can work when you are afraid and panic looms.
– Call a friend.
– Meditate.
– Have a spiritual life. Go to a Church, Temple, Yoga class. Meditate.
– Call your friend again.
– Write down some things that you love.
– Think of things you do well.
– Think of a failure in your life, and about how not to repeat it.
– Think of a change that will help your life.
– Think of somebody you love.
– Hug Lenore or another dog.
– Think of something you want to do in the future.
– Create. Create. Create. Every time I am frightened, I take a photo. Write a chapter.
Call my friend. Make a friend.
– Think of somebody who needs a friend, and call them. E-mail them. Tell them you are thinking of them. Take a walk. Be determined. Your story, painting, poem, jewelry, or any creation is important, and it ought to go out into the world and live its own life. Send your signal to the world. It is an antidote to fear. Be fulfilled.
Fear is a space to cross. Don’t let them drown you in it. Fight your way through it, and on to the light on the other side. Shadows are defined by light. One cannot exist without the other.
Kinney Road, after the storm: Community of fear, cont.
Posted At: Tuesday, December 23, 2008 5:50 PM | Posted By: Jon Katz
I’m overwhelmed by the power of the e-mail messages I’m getting about fear, people wrestling with the economy, the loss of loved ones, illness, and seasonal gloom. It is not depressing to get these messages, quite the contrary, they are filled with determination, hope and faith. I will write later tonight about these messages and about my own notions for getting peace for us, some steps I have found work, sometimes powerfully. Thanks for these messages.
Rose calls a meeting of the dogs
Posted At: Tuesday, December 23, 2008 5:46 PM | Posted By: Jon Katz
December 23, 2008 – Cold. Rain, sleet for Xmas Eve. Going to Steve’s church Christmas morning in Argyle. Family arriving tomorrow night.
Every morning, Rose gathers on the path with Izzy and Lenore and the three of them seem to have a meeting. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that Rose is planning the day with the dogs, in her role as CEO of the farm. With Rose, anything is possible. They stand there for a couple of minutes and they do seem to be talking things over. Perhaps they are talking about me.
Peace to us: In the community of fear
Posted At: Tuesday, December 23, 2008 6:32 AM | Posted By: Jon Katz
December 23, 2008 – Hey, it’s Christmas week. Peace to us, to all of us, but especially to those who live in the community of fear. If you are prone to fear, depression or anxiety, these are tough times. You can either lock yourself in the basement, or absorb fear and worry into your neural system. It is everywhere at the moment, and no matter how hard one struggles to be positive, fear is in the air. It is contagious, too.
I got a powerful message from Susan last night, who heard that her company is preparing to lay people off, and she, prone to anxiety, is worried. She was remembering some writing about fear,the idea that it is not the end, but part of the process, not the end of the world, but a place to walk through. It doesn’t last forever. And that is true. It never does. Everybody does survive, and many find their challenges to be personally and spiritually significant, that they consider life more thoughtfully, live more intelligently, love more intensely and and appreciate the things in life – love, family, community, animals, friendship, spirituality – that tend to get lost in “good” times.
I feel close to more people than ever. And I have felt quite a bit of fear in the last year. I am not a seer and don’t know better than anybody else what is going to happen, or how long these strains will last, but I was talking to my friend Warren last night – the husband of Helen, who died in hospice care this year, and we are going to see each other on Christmas morning a bit, and he said people who think this is a depression have never been through one.
Sometime this year, we will be moving forward again, he says, worried about something else. He’s seen it many times before.
Warren worked in government, and I know him to be a wise and experienced person, and I thought that sounded right to me. Warren has long given up on media as a source of anything but a nervous stomach. He is facing the drama of life itself, his first Christmas without Helen, some health issues. He is waiting for Spring, eager for life, engaged with the world, on fire to be reunited with Helen. He is at peace.
I am looking for peace this week, and I will share this process on the blog. It is my Christmas project. I was counting my gifts this morning, and was humbled by them. Fear is real, and we are not pollyannas. There are things to be anxious about, and they intrude on remote farms as well as in big companies. But they are a space to cross, and crossing them is a choice. Warren is right. Barring the surprises of life, we will all be here next Christmas, crossing another space. So peace to us.
I’m going to work hard at this week. Peace to you, Susan. I will see you on the other side of fear.
I think this will be a good theme this week, along with friendship.
______
Appropriately I suppose, “Out Of The Shadows” is available for pre-ordering. It is coming out in January from The Troy Bookmakers. They are also selling Mary Kellogg’s powerful poetry volume, “MY Place On Earth.” A wonderful perspective to read now. Mary is working on her second book. She is a wonder and does not live in fear, but in peace. She inspires me.
