Frieda went to the vet today and the techs were all abuzz at how different she is – how much calmer and more responsive. She was in a lot of pain, and is on pain killers and antiobiotics for a tick-born disease similiar to Lyme. She’s resting next to me.
  I am going to write about training Frieda this week, as it is a big part of my life. I’ll write about it in small chunks.
  The first thing I decided was to give her a chance to fail. Troubled dogs make people in our society so nervous that hardly have the opportunity to be socialized. Frieda needed to safely make the transition from aroused guard dog to a creature who could move around people and dogs.  I noticed she was particularly excited on leashes and near fences, which told me she had perhaps been trained as a security dog. She was anxious but not aggressive, dominant but not a fighter. Literally, more bark than bite.
  I decided to take three months to just let he get used to me. I got liver treats, biscuits and rawhide chips. I realized right away that there would be no Maria if there was no Frieda, so training became an imperative. Every day for several months I always had a treat in my hand when I approached Frieda. It took three months before she trusted me enough to let me put a leash on her. Then I made her lie down about five or six times a day, very positively and reinforced with treats and biscuits. Two things had happened. One, she associated me with nothing but good things – food. Secondly, she would lie down for me, a kind of submission. Then I hand fed her her breakfast and dinner. Three bonding exercises before I had even begun training.
  Tomorrow, part two. Doing the bear.

  Mother and Minnie are coming wherever I go, along with the dogs. I might even end up on a smaller farm. Somebody is worried that they will miss my landscapes. But there will be plenty of landscapes.  I’m not rushing either. I have no idea whether the farm will sell in a week or a year.
  I told Rose she is a special dog to have so many people worrying about her, and she wore herself out chasing a slingshot ball. Frieda had to go to the vet for a tick-borne illness. She was in a lot of pain this morning, better now. Lenore’s mud puddle was low today, so I turned the hose on her, which she enjoys equally.
  I am putting all this moving stuff behind me for now, and bearing down on the novel, which needs a lot of work, and my editor at Holt tells me that my children’s books need work too.
  I don’t suppose anything worth doing is simple.

  Today, I took the dogs up to the top of the hill for lunch, and I sat in the Adirondack chairs and they spread out and we looked out over the beautiful view over the farmhouse and into the valley, and I wondered what kind of person I was.

  – Was I a farmer, who wanted sheep and donkeys and cows and fences and hay and pipes?
  – Was I a writer who needed space and order to write complex books and concoct stories?
  – Was I a partner who need to build a new kind of life with someone I loved, who loved me?
  – Was I an artist who needs to explore the visual powers of light and color through photographs?
  – Was I a father who need to connect with my daughter and support her life?
  – Was I a friend who needed to encourage my friends and show my love for them?

   At this point in my life, it is humbling to see that I have a lot more questions than answers. I do not worship change for its own sake, or value chaos and confusion any longer. I understand that happy life is not a perfect one, and that none of us will walk freely through life without troubles and disappointments, some of them major. But these are questions I expect to address in the coming months and years and, as always, I will share the process with those of you who wish to follow it. Some of you have been long from the beginning, and you feel like family to me.
  A year ago, I could not have imagined selling this farm. Now, I understand that the part of me that needs to work hard to create meaningful things needs to move on, and have some space and peace to work. I feel like I’m getting on a wagon train and heading out into the unknown. I will keep reporting on it.

 The sheep pulled away from the barn. She had a good day, looking for the sheep, but eager to chase her slingshot ball and run alongside the ATV into the woods. She is dozing by my side, as usual, and seems at ease and content. Going to keep her busy. I see she is tired, and walking a bit stiffly, and there are good benefits to everything.