Ann, valued customer of the Red Fox Bookstore. And a new friend

 October 15, 2009 – Rain, snow coming. It’s cold. Winter is in the air. I am ready for another winter on the farm.
 Maria and I went to the Red Fox Bookstore in Glens Falls last night for the Artwalk there. Maria hung her quilts in the bookstore and sold potholders. I met Ann, a retired school teacher from the Adirondacks who loves bookstores and reading, and is just getting into Proust. She explained Proust to me, as a reader who shares his stories with his readers and pulled them in. I told her Proust would be difficult for me, and she said nonsense, I would love him. I fell in love with her. She was intrigued by the plot and structure of “Rose In A Storm” and promised to come to my reading next fall. I hope she does.
 A man in the bookstore was walking out with “Soul Of A Dog,” which he bought without knowing I was in the store. It was a birthday present for his wife, and he didn’t really believe I was the author until he looked at the author’s photo. He couldn’t believe the odds. They are, in fact, long.
  Meeting Ann, I thought about the importance of opening up. A therapist told me sometime ago that I would never be close to anyone until I learned to open up and show vulnerability. This struck me as jargon, but, like a lot of jargon, as having truth. So I began working to open up. To let people in. To be available, as they say.
   A relationship with Maria soon followed.
  Some new friends. A sense of connection. I love my dogs, but I have always valued their ability to bring me to people, to human connection, essential for me as a human being and as a writer and photographer and storyteller. I am even throwing a party soon, the first of my life.
  I have to be candid and say that opening up is perhaps the most difficult and painstaking work I have ever done. I am not comfortable around most people, and am very poor as showing vulnerability – I see it as life threatening – and it is hard work for me to get comfortable. Speaking a lot in public has helped, but that’s also an easy way to put space between yourself and individuals. Being a “celebrity” doesn’t help. Lots of people are uncomfortable around me.
  It is more than a little strange to have people come up and shout your name and ask for your autograph on a street. I am no Jeff Bridges, after all.
  But I guess I am opening up. When I saw Ann’s radiant face talking to Naftali, one of the bookstore owners, about the Proust book coming in, I went up to her, talked to her, told her about my novel and took her photo. It was a high point, and I see the point and value of opening up. I’m not quite there yet, but it’s really working for me. You can’t, after all, get close to other people if you don’t let them in.
  (I hope this is clear. I’m drinking some vodka tonight.)

   The incomparable Izzy at Red Fox Books. A bunch of people came in to see him and buy
Maria’s potholders.