What Positive Thinking Means to Me, cont.

  The Bedlam Farm Canine Crew. Photoshoot.

October 22, 2009 – Cloudy, cooling off. There’s an interesting discussion bubbling around in some parts of the media and in my own life about what Positive Thinking means and whether it’s a good thing. No one in my lifetime has ever accused me of positive thinking, and I have not done much of it in my work or personal life. Generally, I am awaiting the next blow and mulling the bad things that can happen to me and others.
  That has changed, to an extent. I am interested in what I would call more positive thinking, and after some discussions with my daughter, I thought I should put down what I mean by the term:

  Rational people know that bad things can happen. At any time.
 We have no control over many of them – accidents, bankers, illness, death, catastrophe. We do have some control over how we react to them, and also over how we project our own work, lives and stories out into the world. I was at Dunkin Donuts yesterday and made the mistake of asking the woman behind the register – I see her often and she knows me – how she was. And she told me, from her bad hands and sore back to the economy to her low pay to her sick husband, broken car, errant son and ungrateful daughter. Shoot me, I thought, as this litany grew and so did the line behind me.
 She’s had some hard luck. I left with the sad feeling she will have more. I did not want to hear more.
  I don’t really know to what extent we determine our fates. I think our attitudes do have something to say about it. Recognizing our own worth. Building confidence in our ability to navigate difficult times and bad and sad things.
  I am conscious of wanting – needing – to be around people who are aware that good things happen as well as bad.
 It has sometimes been hard for me to believe that I will do well, to develop the internal strength we need to find peace amidst all of the stress and chaos. I am certain whenever I write a book that it will be a disaster. 
  I was quite shocked to find out that some people like my photographs, and amazed to learn they will be shown in art galleries.
  I think there is some relation to how I see myself and how I see the world, and how the world sees and reacts to me.
  I do not believe that thinking something good will happen makes it so. People who only focus on the positive are setting themselves. So are people who can only absorb bad news and see the world only as a grim and dark place.
  A therapist told me a couple of years ago that I had lost perspective. That was true. So I am getting to know myself, and exploring the idea that as I understand myself – and my strengths – that will work for me in life. In terms of relationships. Creativity. Friendships. Peace of mind.
  I don’t need anyone to tell me that bad things can happen. I was born knowing that. I need to remind myself all the time that good things can happen too.