Farm truck, ret.

Farm truck, Hebron Rd. Real farmers do not throw machines away. They use them, and re-use them, and then cannibalize the parts. This truck has seen some duty.

Life slips quickly by. Barn window

A teacher at the Vermont Zen Center read me the Verse of the han:

“Great is the matter of birth and death.

Life slips quickly by.

Time waits for no one.

Wake up! Wake up!

Don’t waste a moment.”

It’s odd to come nose to nose with your own philosophy of life, and how strange. I often want to shout “wake up, wake up!” to people, but that would be rude and obnoxious. I love life, and it does slip quickly by, and how much of it we waste worrying about things that are not really important, and that will not matter a whit in the scheme of things.

Time will not wait for me. It will not wait for anyone. I need to do my work now. To take my photos now. To love well and faithfully now. To get on with what is important, with the business of life. I do not want to waste a moment. It is so easy to do.

Doors and windows. Symbols of our lives

Going to Christine Nemec’s with Lenore this afternoon to see Christine’s new puppy Georgia. Lenore loves puppies. But then, what doesn’t Lenore love? It is bitterly cold.

I  am increasingly drawn to doors and windows, especially in old farmhouses and barns. They say a lot. This shot says much about an old farmhouse trying to make the connection to the modern world. The blinds alone speak volumes. After I took the shot, the blinds opened, and a woman looked out at me, waved and smiled. I love the color as the late sun plays on it.

Frieda, writing dog, with her rawhide

Frieda appreciates rawhide, while watching me write. It’s -4 and you can’t get her away from the wood stove, smart girl.

Notes from meditation. I want to share some of my experience with meditation, because it is helpful to people, and because I am committed to being open, within reason. I don’t share everything, but what is comfortable.

I went to the Vermont Zen Center in Shelburne. We learned about Buddhism, about breathing, posture, and counting. I learned that there is no wrong way to think – you accept where your mind goes, and learn from it. I learned a lot about mine.

I was struck by the number of younger people eager to learn meditation, serious to find a spiritual center as their lives are increasingly stressful, techno-centered and bombarded with information. They were admirable, and I learned just from watching them.

I see meditating that I have to learn how to redirect some thoughts. The compelling part was that I saw clearly how the patterns of my mind work – how anxiety, anger and worry about things like money and deadlines all rush past me – like those little boats in amusement parks – one after the other. Seeing that was a revelation for me, a powerful insight. I am eager to work with a  teacher, Dharman Rice. I want to learn more.

Process is important.  How to sit. How to breathe. Where to look. Where to put your hands. Gives it structure, form, discipline.

One of the major remaining goals of my life – I have work that I love, a person that I love to share my life – is to understand myself. I realize meditating yesterday that I really have no idea who I am, or what I am like. I’ve spent my life surviving, reacting, responding, worry, in a hyper-state. That is not who I am or who I want to be.

A friend kindly sent me a Jewish Menorah. He is worried about my cultural identify.  A nice thought, but he will, I fear, be disappointed. I never could work it out with Judaism.

I left Judaism behind many years ago, and have drifted around, flirting with some forms of Christianity, Quakerism. I have not landed. Judaism and I parted company in many ways, and that is not the path for me, sadly. It’s a beautiful culture and part of my life. But not my spiritual life.

I’m still looking. I do not intend to become a Zen or any other kind of Buddhist,  not at this point.  I don’t really think I need to join any faith. God is where you find him, and preferably, without people telling me how I must think about him. I’m interested.

But my instincts tell me they can and will help get me where I badly need and want to go.