Working for the cover

The covershoot campaign continues with my patient, media-savvy dogs taking their positions. Came closer this morning but I will give it a few more rounds.

In the two years since I realized I had issues regarding fear, and that fear was driving much of my life,  I have used a number of tools to combat it. This blog, therapy, medication, Church, work with my dogs, conventional medicine, books, homeopathy, energy work, hospice work, writing, photography, psychiatry.

It’s been a tussle, I have to say. First, it took me much of my life to see I had a problem, and then the process of figuring out what to do about it.  I have discovered this is an epidemic problem in modern America, which can be a stressful place, even before the Great Recession.

All of these tools have benefited me. Being open about this was a good move. I got a lot of encouragement, and it kept me from hiding from it again. Therapy has saved my life, I believe, and kept me from awful trouble and perhaps a grim fate. It has also opened the way for me to make powerful human connections, explore new and creative options, and begin to make room for life, rather than worry about life.

And to understand what happiness is. It is not a perfect life, or a life without pain, fear, loss or disappointment. Quite the opposite. It is the ability to deal with these things, which afflict all of us, and are an integral part of life. Few people e-mail me any longer about my having the perfect life, and I appreciate that. Not something I would want.

Recently, and to my surprise (isn’t this a theme in my life?) I am finding that meditation is helping me break through to another level, to quiet my mind, to see myself in healthy and revealing ways. I said at the beginning of this year that one of my goals was to learn how to be more peaceful within myself, something that is important to me. I am not there yet, but I am excited about pursuing the practices of Zen meditation. I am heading to a session this morning, leaving before dawn. Hoping to take photos along the way. Details to follow.

-5. Izzy dozing in the garden

I was out taking photos and Izzy came with me, as he loves to do. He fell asleep atop the garden in bitter cold and high wind.

I am happy to share the good news that meditation is having a significant impact on my fevered brain, slowing it down, allowing me to disconnect from the vigilant hyper scanning that has kept me awake so many nights and caused so much fear and confusion at times.  This is the heart of the issue for me, and since I began Zen meditation and practiced it faithfully and daily, I see my mind more clearly, and am seeing that I can begin to compartmentalize reality from other kinds of baggage and trauma. Very significant for me. I’ll write more about it later. I am very surprised. Nothing has worked for me like this.

Maria and I are heading out to explore Brattleboro, Vt. Photos and reports to come. I’m eager to write more about the impact of meditation on my thinking. I slept better last night than at any time in the past several years. There are no magic cure or panaceas for craziness, but it is a process of slow and deliberate steps, I think.