December 7, 2010- I don’t know a person I like who doesn’t find “The Holidays” complex. In America, the notion of a holiday lead up from Thanksgiving to Christmas is clouded. The real American holiday may be Black Friday, where our spiritual and mental health is measured in mall traffic, cyber-discounts and corporate profits. It is almost unpatriotic to fail to buy something online. We are, of course, nearly overwhelmed by wholesome and joyous images designed to crank us up, and deal with Disney-fied ideas of family and Christmas. These notions are often very much at odds with our own emotions, our histories and the realities of our lives. So they can be discordant.

I think the holidays are especially jarring for anyone with a history of family loss, trouble or anxiety, from the death of a parent to trouble with siblings to traumatic or disturbing childhood memories. If you have a problem with anyone in your family, it will bubble up in and around “The Holidays” for sure, ratting people and plunging them into regressive behaviors. I know a lot of people who turn to jelly as they pack up their gifts and head for the relatives. Traumas will be triggered and reenacted and we find ourselves rushing backwards in time and memory. We become our worst memories sometimes.

The thing I have always most liked about the holidays was an easing of the frenetic American spirit. Things actually quieted down, although in the endless quest for more money, many corporations are announcing plans to open up on Thanksgiving and Christmas next year, lest there be a single day in our lives when we can’t charge something. E-mail and other technologies also make it hard for us to really disconnect, even on Christmas. We are together, but perhaps not really, on our games, e-mail, texts and newsalerts.

There is a powerful sense of ritual, almost beyond control.  I suspect humans need ritual. We think everybody else is having a wonderful time, so we feel lonely and odd. I’m not sure anybody else is really having a good time, we just feel it is expected of us. One thing I do like is that people seem more connected, empathetic, and polite.  I think that makes the time of year different. Even if they are out of focus in the holidays, families are important, and they bound and define much of our lives.

It doesn’t really matter if they make us crazy or not, they are our families, and the only ones we shall ever have. In its own odd and circular way, that makes “The Holidays” special for me.