Izzy in the carriage barn

January 6, 2008 –            

                              Saving Grace: Family

                                
                                 All those years,
                                 I was saving you

                                
                                 And when did I know?
                                 and when did I know?
                                 and when did I see

                                
                                 And why did you ask me,
                                  for all of that time,
                                  for all of those years,

                                  What should I do?
                                  what do I need?
                                  what do you think?
                                  what would you do?
                      
                                   If I didn’t know
                                   If I never knew
                                   While I was busy saving you

                                   And where were those lines
                                   that I hear about now
                                   and when did I know?
                                         when did I know

                                   And when did I know
                                    I didn’t know you
                                    and you didn’t know me
                                    we just knew the ghosts
                                    of the other

                                   And how did they know?
                                   know what to do
                                   to save you

                                   And who draws the lines?
                                   between helping and loss
                                   between saving and grace
                                   between hobbling and space

                                   And who sees them
                                   and stores them
                                   and keeps them on file
                                   and keeps them in mind

                                   And when did I know?
                                   that there wasn’t a way
                                   to save you
                                   to know you,
                                   to know you

                                   That only you
                                   could save you
                                   and you needn’t
                                   and you couldn’t
                                   and you wouldn’t

                                   And now they say
                                   we always knew
                                   everyone knew
                                   but you
                                   and me

                                   And didn’t you know?
                                   and didn’t you know

                                    Are you okay?
                                    are  you all right?
                                    can I take you here?
                                    can I bring you there?
                                    can I help you do this?
                                    can I help you do that?

                                    And when did I know, e-oh
                                    When I let you go
                                    you would slip from me
                                    like a stone in the sea

                                    Pain is stronger than doors
                                    and tougher than walls
                                    and bigger than fences
                                    and smarter than lines

                                    And when did I know?
                                    That I can’t save you
                                    I can only save me

                                     And when will I know?
                                            and let it go

                                     And when did I know, e-oh
                                     I had to save me
                                     and let you go
                                             and go
                                             and go
 

P.S. In response to a number of e-mails, I am the author of this poem, my first, and thanks to my friend Mary Kellogg, a real poet, for encouraging me. I had a member of my family in mind when I wrote it, and I am not entirely sure where it came from, except I have thought a lot this year about the line between saving people and needing to be saved. My sister and I talked about this a lot in our lives, and we are much in touch these days, so I think that’s where it came from.