4 April

To The Vet. Annual Check-Up

by Jon Katz
To The Vet

 

Lenore, Frieda and Izzy had their annual check-up at the Cambridge Valley Veterinary Hospital (we saw a good friend, Tom Wolski, who remembers Orson with a shudder) in Cambridge, N.Y. All three dogs tested positive for tick-borne disease, and are on antibiotics. They got their rabies, distemper, and other shots, and were tested for heartworm, weighed and pored over. Izzy needs to lose weight, Frieda probably has arthritis. We got some drop-on tick repellants. And joint tables for Frieda. Izzy and Lenore were easy, and Lenore’s tail was wagging all through her tests and injections. Labs. Good sized bill for good work. Tom suggests senior dog food for Izzy and Frieda. Izzy is getting older, and is not as active, especially through the winter.

Frieda was good for Tom, she growled a bit, then was quiet while she was poked and injected. We left with a sack of stuff, and pills we will be dispensing for months. Otherwise, everybody is in good shape.

4 April

Putting Panic Attacks In Their Place, Part 2.

by Jon Katz
Panic Attack, Part 2

 

Panic attacks are important. They hurt, stifle and cripple lives, distort reality.  They affect the body as well as the soul, and are unhealthy. For me, the first breakthrough was in understanding that both conventional medicine and therapy could offer me little help.

In their assembly-line 15 minute per patient practices, most doctors can only offer referrals,  expensive tests and expensive medications.  Panic attacks are well below the radar or comprehension of modern medicine, compared to surgical procedures and the big money made by pharmaceutical companies . Since it is not clear what panic attacks are, most of the medications are to help people sleep or are anti-depressants, with lots of side effects. They cover up the symptoms, but do not treat them. “Why does it matter why you have them,” a doctor told me, “when there are pills to help you sleep?”  Modern therapists are also under pressure. Insurance covers very few visits, they get to spend little time with patients and clients. Imagine a world where psychiatrists spent months or years treating people and understanding them. Most of us are on our own in many ways when we suffer a panic attack, even if we are not too embarrassed to talk about it.

In the culture at large, panic attacks are considered a joke, like mourning for dogs or cats.  I believe mine were very often fueled – fed – by the culture of argument, panic and alarm that permeates politics and media and is now woven into our reflexes. If you are frightened inside, you are vulnerable to the fear outside. If you accept the panic outside, you will feel it inside, in addition to your own issues.  When I hear younger people say they are afraid to bring children into this world, I don’t blame them for feeling that way. But I see a sick culture rather than a doomed world. People are fed alarm and hysteria, struggle and lament,  from school through parenting and into old age,  and it enters our thoughts and language. Panic is the prism through which we see the world.

When I cut my hand on a rusty can Monday, I was flooded with messages, some urgent, urging me to get a Tetanus shot. “I hope you know,” wrote one reader, “that if you don’t, you will almost certainly die.” These messages are loving and well-meaning, and I understand they come from an idea of concern. But like our relationships with animals, they are also revealing. Why would people assume I wouldn’t have such a shot or know about it? Why do they think I couldn’t make this judgement myself? Why did people panic on my behalf and go immediately to death and danger when they hear about a cut?

I do understand why this is so, I think. It is because we live in a world of warnings and alarms, from food packaging to escalators to the evils of identify thieves and the Internet. We are taught that this love, and we can’t turn on a radio or TV or computer without being warned of something or disturbed in some way. Nothing that we see or hear suggests we live in a safe or rational world.  I get my Tetanus shot years ago, and did not need to be reminded of it, then or now. But still, Tetanus is quite rare. It is not likely, not common.  I would never think to tell somebody else to get one shot or another.

The second breakthrough came in understanding that anxiety and fear are different. People in real danger – soldiers, people being attacked or threatened by fires – do not get panic attacks. They are frightened, which is different. Fear of real danger is an understandable, even healthy emotion. Panic attacks, according to the people who have studied  them the most closely, are almost always about imagined, not real dangers. Can I take care of myself? (And get a Tetanus shot). Can I survive? Will anyone help me out of the trouble I am in? Can I make good decisions for myself? People who suffer panic attacks are not mentally ill by any definition of the term. But they are believed to be out of touch with the reality of their own lives. And when you understand that they are simply not true, that is the beginning of the end of panic.

For me, it was important, critical, to awaken. To see the world as a complex place with troubles and opportunities,  but a good place to be. For me, a safe and rational place, although this is almost heresy. The challenge was to  understand my life. To make changes  where necessary. To be healthy. To turn to the many holistic arts that help quiet the mind, since most medicine roils the mind – meditation, yoga, calming herbs and teas, massage therapists and spiritual counselors and the many therapists and psychotherapists who can help.  To find positive and helpful people. I have come to believe in the power of the authentic life. It is a panic attack slayer.  As I understand myself and the truth about who I really am, then I stopped lying to my own soul, and began the long march to an authentic life.

I mean, come on, we all live, we all die, as does every living thing, and soon enough. Maybe, I thought, I  should make this time count, and not spend my time trembling in fear. My fear was worse than any problems I faced. My panic attacks were weaker than this, finally, and they began to wither and fade.

4 April

The Rural Landscape: Milkhouse, Sunset.

by Jon Katz
The Rural Milkhouse: Sunset

 

For me, the rural landscape is  emotional. I often look at old buildings falling apart with great dignity, evoking other times and places when they were busy and important, and they seem emotional to me. I do not lament change, and I do not believe the old days are better. Despite the things you hear on the news, these times are good times in many ways, by many measures among the best times. That is not a conventional point of view. Buildings come and go, their functions altering. Could we use a milkhouse, will it ever come back? I doubt it. Same as old barns. Still, there is something poignant about them, biding their time. They touch me.

4 April

Sort The Silverware

by Jon Katz
Pssst. Sort The Silverware!

 

I just got a peek at this new streaming piece out of Maria’s studio, just being stitched up. It came out of a dream Maria had. It will be finished this afternoon and go on sale. I love scooping her website, it makes her crazy.  “Sort The Silverware”, “Stack The Dishes.” I love the color and new styles of text. And the attitude is pretty cool. You can see it and buy it at fullmoonfiberart.com

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