The Bedlam Farm Men’s Club held it’s last meeting before the winter. Rocky, Simon, Red, Strut, me, Ben, George Forss, lots of testosterone. Men’s men. I called the meeting to discuss the election. I explained that we are not a political group but that we are very adamant and passionate supporters of women. And a good thing, too, as there are many strong women on this farm and they seem to be in charge of everything.
Simon: “Lulu and Fanny kicked me in the head today. Again.”
Red: Well, maybe you ought to stop trying to mount them all the time. For one thing, you are gelded. For another, no is no and Lulu and Fanny just don’t don’t seem to love you in that way.”
Simon: “What does love have to do with it?”
Strut: “You aren’t watching the news, dude – men can’t push women around anymore. They are sick of it and they aren’t going to take it anymore.”
Ben: “Didn’t I see you mounting that big white hen this morning?”
Strut: “Yes, but she didn’t like it. She put me right on my ass. I have to do things differently. Maybe crow less, strut less… Roosters follow the news too…”
I passed out some snacks – sugar free papaya strips, gluten-free biscotti (Simon seemed a bit disgusted) and I talked about the election.
“Guys,” I said, “I am delighted by one aspect of the election, at least. You know I am not political, I am not a left or a right kind of human. The process has little to do with me. But sometimes somethings come out of it that are just wonderful, and as admirers and supporters of women, it was great to see that women really stood up for themselves, really said to men: look, right or wrong, we get to decide our lives, you can’t tell us what to do and how to live. Lots of women hitting Congress and yes, I know many women are just as bad as men, but many are much better at negotiation, compromise, empathy. Feels like a new day to me. And they will not get to chew up Planned Parenthood and take health care away from so many poor women. I have no problems being political when it comes to women’s rights. If they don’t take over the world soon there will be nothing left of it. Men are ravaging the earth, the economy, going to war, committing cries, killing people, filling up prisons. We need women to take over the planet, and soon. Last night was a big step towards that…”
Rocky interrupted me: “Okay, hotshot, let’s see if you are a hypocrite. What about the farm? Do you want women taking it over?”
Me: “Duh. Look around. Who’s running this here? Maria steals my sweaters, my socks, my shirts? She makes quilts and potholders out of them. She wears my nightshirts? She makes me put my lenses away? I remember the other place when I was running it – chaos and madness, money flowing everywhere, crap arriving by the truckload, clothes and junk everywhere, craziness all day..None of that is happening any longer. Simon, this morning I saw Lulu swing her head and knock you right out of the grain pain. And then Fanny kicked you in the ass, you ass.” Simon lowered his head. A pride thing, a guy thing, perhaps I hit him below the belt…er…Wake uup, man.”
“And you, Strut, the hens chased you right out of the coop this morning when they went in to roost. You ran for your life.” Strut clucked and strutted.”
George Forss agreed, taking out his ancient camera to photograph the group. “Anybody see any aliens,” he asked. “I’ve got the camera.”
Red: “George, not here.”
Change is here, I said. Women are taking over the world. Not a minute too soon. The barn was quiet.