I called an Emergency Meeting of the Bedlam Farm Men’s Club this morning. In attendance were myself, Strut, Simon, Red and George Forss, the photographer. I told them we needed to talk about the big news coming out of Washington. Forget wars and conflicts, never mind deficits and fiscal cliffs, poverty or storm recovery. The big story, I told them is an old story. Powerful human men doing stupid things.
Simon: You mean the Generals online all night sending dirty e-mails to women? All the equines are talking about it. The horse down the road is beside herself gossiping about it.
Me: Well, yes, I guess that is one way of describing it..
Simon: Talk about asses. You humans are crazy. I’ll take the life of a donkey anytime. Is this the most important thing in your world going on? Guys sending racy e-mails to their women? I try and hump Lulu or Fanny every day, and I usually get kicked in the head for my troubles..
Strut: I’m with you, bro, is this stuff really important to humans? The most important story?
Me: By far, I said. Just watch the news.
Red: I don’t watch the news. I herd sheep. What the hell is doing on, Chief?
Me: Well, it’s something to talk about. There is a kind of mind disease that hits powerful men, it seems, and although we are not powerful, it happens so often and it is so strange – I’ll tell you another time about a former President and a young intern, or the congressmen named Weiner – that perhaps it is a bad seed that lies dormant in all men. I want you all to be aware of it.
Strut: And then, this seed just rises up and takes over? Dude, that’s scary. How does it work?
Me: Well, you work hard and do good and then you rise up and get into a position of great power. That’s when the seed kicks up, sort of takes you over. The sap rises, you feel invincible, all powerful and you go a little dotty. Sex has something to do with it, I think. And power. Sex and power.
Simon: Well, what would that have to do with us? How is a donkey ever going to get a lot of power in this automated world…
Red: Or a border collie chasing sheep. I mean, I know I’m focused and all, but still…
Me: I know, I know. It’s just something to be careful about. If you start feeling like you are on top of the world, even if you are a Four Star General and strutting your stuff and nothing is more powerful than you…well, just stay off the Internet. Don’t send any e-mails. Turn off your Facebook page. You are all well known animals and people are watching. It will come out. That’s all.
Strut: Did you ever do anything like this, chief?
Me: Well, no. I once sent an e-mail to a woman I was attracted to, asking her if she loved Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
Strut: And did she ever answer?
And I left the barn, and I thought I heard I heard this exchange.
Simon: Red, you hang around with him all day. Did any of that make any sense to you?
Red: No, I think the boss has been under a lot of stress lately. You can’t judge humans. They don’t have animal-like motives. They are rarely rational. They don’t know right from wrong and are not good or bad. Mostly, as you can see from these stories, they just are in the grip of their instincts and follow them, even when it makes no sense to us. Don’t emotionalize them. Don’t personify them. It isn’t good for them. You can’t blame them. All you can do is be grateful you are an animal and would never do anything so dumb.