Yesterday, a big commercial dog website asked me if I would write an essay or op/ed on “The Best Way To Get A Dog.”

They even shocked me by offering me $1000 to write a 700 word piece on that subject. I thought about it for a second, and replied that it is a good idea, and I do want to write about it, but I don’t want to write about it for them.

I want to write it for my readers, on my  blog.

If the site wishes,  they can reprint it, and for a small fee I’ll donate to the new Gus Fund. That felt kind of sweet, I’m liking the new writer’s world.

The subject is timely for  me now, as our Boston Terrier Gus was euthanized recently, and we have just decided where and when and how to get out next dog, hopefully a Boston Terrier, from Robin Gibbons, Gus’s breeder.

I’ve gotten many new dogs in my life, rescue dogs, adopted dogs, shelter dogs, purebred dogs.

I’ve talked to hundreds, if not thousands of dog owners, rescue volunteers, shelter workers, vets and breeders, online and at readings and talks and asked them now they choose dogs, or let them out for adoption, or sell them,  and what they have learned about getting a new one.

If you are one of those people who believe there is only one way to get a dog – rescue or adopt one – then this is probably not the right piece for you. None of those credentials matter to you, you are not here to listen or learn, but to preach and declaim.

I believe there are many good ways for people to get dogs, and I hope I would never be so arrogant as to presume to know what is best for every person or every dog, especially strangers I will never see or meet.

Dog politics bring out the worst in people, just like human politics.

Dog rescue is a wonderful and satisfying experience for many people. So is finding a good breeder or shelter and getting a dog in a different way.  People are different, they have different needs and values, and they deserve the right to be different, to pursue their beliefs in peace and privacy.

So what is the best way to get a new dog? Simple, really:

Get the dog that will make you happy, get a dog you can make happy. Get the dog you want, not the dog other people tell you should want. Give the dog the best life you can for as long as you can.  It is nobody’s business, how you get a dog,  unless you ask them.  Do your homework, take it seriously. It is serious.

The best rescue, shelter workers and breeders will always ask the same question: What kind of dog do you want or need?  The good ones always want to know you a bit, all the better to match you up.

I ask people to picture the dog they want, ask some questions, and go out and look for it. The best rescue and shelter workers will make it easy, not difficult, for you to adopt the right dog.

A friend will want you to be happy, nor morally superior. They will wish for you to get the dog you really want, not the dog someone tells you to want.

I believe everyone has a picture in their heads of the dog they would like to love. That’s the dog. He might be on a rescue website, in a shelter, in a breeder’s kennel. You will recognize him when you see him.

Any responsible rescue group, shelter, or breeder,  will want to evaluate you, of course, but they ought not be looking to exclude the elderly, people who work, people who are not wealthy. If they ask no questions of you, run. If they ask too many questions, run.

There is no reason on earth it should cost $400 to buy a homeless dog driven up in a van from the South, or a shelter dog in desperate need of a home. There is no reason people with short fences cannot have a dog, or elderly people can’t love an older dog to death. With millions of dogs languishing in shelters, there is no reason poor people can’t have a dog or care for it.

it is not the mission of animal rescue to exclude people. It ought to be to help them get the right animals for them.

It is ludicrous to think that just because someone has no children and a high fence they will be good dog owners, or have chosen the right dog.

Sadly, some elements of the breeding and rescue world seem bent on making it more and more difficult for people to get dogs, while shaming and guilt-tripping people who want to buy one because they are different.

One breeder’s website I looked at this week has this message on the breeder’s web page: “do not even think of asking about about one of my puppies unless you have submitted an application with your detailed resume, a list of the dogs you have owned, and a statement of your philosophy of dog training and crate use, and references from at least two veterinarians.”

Okay, I thought, that is not the place I will go to get a dog, although I bet they breed healthy ones.

I don’t know which is worst at times, the snooty breeders or the snooty rescue groups.

A good rescue worker will not make you feel guilty or inadequate, or like an animal abuser because you work hard, he or she will try to match your life and your needs with a dog in need of a home. They will talk with you, and they will never tell you there is only one way to get a dog. They know better than anyone that every dog is not right for every person.

That is the rallying cry of the amateurs, the people who use dogs to feel good.

A good breeder will work hard to promote the best traits in dogs – temperament and health.  And get to know the person who wants one of them.

There are good breeders and bad breeders, good rescue organizations and bad ones.

Backyard breeders promote the worst traits in dogs, they are the last place to go to get one. A good shelter will learn as much as possible about their dogs, and pair them with owners that match up. The real issue when it comes to getting a dog is not rescue versus breeder, but thoughtfulness versus laziness and ignorance.

There are practical as well as moral and personal reasons to be very thoughtful about getting a dog, and exploring all of the very good good options available:

In 2017, 39 Americans were killed by dogs.

The CDC estimates that nearly five million Americans are bitten by dogs each year, a more than 30 per cent increase over previous years. Each year, according to the doglaw website for lawyers, more than 350,000 dog bite victims are seen in emergency rooms, and approximately 850,000 people receive medical attention.

Dog bite losses due to legal actions are now more than one billion dollars a year. The nationwide average insurance payment for a dog bite averages between $32,000 and $37, 000. Dog bites result in hundreds of thousands of insurance policy cancellations a year, thousands of lawsuits and increased insurance fees.

For me, getting a dog is not a moral choice, but a practical one. I want the right dog for me and my family. Genuine dog lovers think carefully about the choices they have, and explore them.

Dogs suffer when people are denied the chance to choose the right one. When you teach people there is only one way to get a dog, you are also teaching them that they don’t have to think about getting a dog, their thinking has been co-opted by others.

Behavioral problems among American dogs are skyrocketing, according to NAVA, the North American Veterinary Association. More than 350,000 dogs are now on Prozac or antidepressants , according to NAVA, as people try to curb behaviors they are too often unprepared to deal with, not recognized, or aren’t warned about.

Sadly, behavior problems are a leading cause of death for dogs, the reason most are returned to rescue groups or shelters, and many are put down.

I want to know everything about a dog I get: what’s the mother and father like, what’s the health history going back several generations, what place in the litter, did he get enough to eat, was he socialized, is he timid or fearful? You can’t know too much about a new dog, but you can know too little.

These behavioral issues tell us that many people get dogs in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons. It’s the dogs who suffer when we turn their adoptions or acquisition into a self-serving ritual that is designed to make us feel good about ourselves in a disconnected society.

The emotional context of dog adoption has become troubling.

Consider this warning on the application page of a Boston Terrier Rescue Group I went on when I was thinking about rescuing a Boston Terrier last week, something I do when I am considering any dog.

“Dogs will not be adopted to families with children under 10,” says the website of a Northeast dog rescue group, “nor to those planning on having children within five years,. Adoptions to families with children 10 and over will be evaluated individually, with the needs of the child and dog taken into consideration.“

I don’t know about you, but for me they might as well have put a sign up saying “go elsewhere, we don’t want you here.” And I don’t want to be there. It sounds like the application process for a Manhattan private school.

My two-year old granddaughter adores dogs and is gentle and caring with them, I hope my daughter gets her a dog as soon as possible, and i would enthusiastically support that idea, and be happy to get her a dog as a gift.

I have seen her with my dogs, and other dogs, she loves them and they love her. Dog-children relationships are among the most treasured in the history of dogs and people.  How short-sighted to deprive dogs of children.

It is really any rescue group’s business what someone’s future child-rearing plans are, and why diss every child under 10, I know many who would make wonderful dog owners? When, in all of human history, has that been the criterion for getting a dog?

Children learn important lessons in responsibility and nurture from their pets, they also learn to love animals and care for them.

The site also refuses to adopt a dog to anyone with an electric fence, even though such fences have saved the lives of countless dogs and made it possible for the elderly or the handicapped to adopt them.  The electric fences are inexpensive and effective, they cause a mild shock during the first encounter, and almost invariably, the dog does not cross the fence line again.

Many dogs with traditional fences jump out, escape through open gates, or dig out from under.  Is getting hit by a car or truck safer than an electric fence?

The site asks for a $9.50 adoption fee which it says will be considered a donation towards permanent care for the old and sick dogs that are unlikely to be adopted.

I work with the elderly and the poor and refugees and many of them would happily adopt such a dog if it didn’t cost hundreds of dollars and didn’t ban people who had young children, or ban them for being old. Americans boast of their foreign and Caribbean rescue dogs, but a friend of mine, a journalist working in Newark, N.J.. says there are all kinds of stray dogs living right here in Newark (and other cities in America, including Detroit and LA.)

One reason I sometimes choose reputable breeders – I have had many “rescue” dogs, sheep, goats, donkeys, chickens and barn cats – is that they work hard to promote health and temperament. A good breeder will have records dating back five generations, so I can check for health and  temperament issues as well as litter problems. I’ve been fortunate to find rescue groups that take the same care.

There are no guarantees about getting a dog, not from rescue groups, not from  even the best breeders. We have to do the work, it is the true moral role for dog owners: we are stewards, not just rescuers.

I do therapy work with my dogs and bring them out in public and to readings. In such work, I have zero tolerance for mishaps or mistakes. I do hospice work and assisted car therapy work, I have never had a dog growl at a patient, jump on one or frighten one.

I can’t risk using a dog whose background I don’t know. I will not have a dog that has harmed or might harm a human.

People who tell you that there is only one way to get a dog are not your friend. They know nothing about dogs. They know nothing about you, or where you live or how you live. People  who care about you will tell you to research dogs and dog breeds and breed traits.

it is the height of arrogance for anyone – me included – who does not know you, or your disposition, family and personal environment – to presume to tell you how you should get a dog. It is  unethical as well as misguided, and no favor to dogs.

A knowledgeable friend will caution you to be wary of breeders, rescue or shelter workers who will not take the time to talk to you and know you and learn what your needs and desires for a dog really are. I start my search with vets, asking them what good dogs and healthy dogs they have seen, what breeders they might recommend. I do the same thing with rescue groups, and shelters that have no time to speak with me, or a breeder who sells a dog online without speaking to me, are shelters and breeders I leave.

There is no black and white in this process, many hues and shades of gray.

A person with an electric fence or child or job could well be a perfect dog owner, or they might be lazy, self-righteous, or more interested in the “rescue” than a dog. If it were me, I would never give or sell a dog to a person who sees getting a dog simply as a moral statement. That is a thoughtless position for me.

Getting a dog is a rich and complicated process that involves many things – the dog and its history, the person and their history, searching for the ways in which the two come together.

I love border collies and, so far, Boston Terriers, because they are active, bright and love to do things with people, from riding around to therapy work. (The next BT will be trained as a therapy dog.) I love Labs for the same reasons.

Those dogs enrich and mirror me, they reveal me. I would do anything for them but let them suffer.

My advice is to pick the dog that is best for you, and the source that works best for you. There is no one choice for everyone, and almost every true and conscientious dog lover knows that.

Many dogs are not right for me,  even if they do need rescue, and it is not a moral thing to adopt the wrong dog.

In my mind, there is only one way to get a new dog: the dog that you really want and will make you happy. Having the right dog is a joyful and spiritual experience, one of the most beautiful things available to me in life. And I have chosen well, every one of my dogs has taught me lessons, stood beside me, marked the passage of my. I have never permitted anyone to tell me what kind of dog to get.

That’s my job, a sacred mission.