5 June

The Mansion: Sylvie And Dan: The Last Bingo Game

by Jon Katz
Her Last Bingo Game

I feel close to Sylvie, a Mansion resident of some years. We talk often and she loves to receive and answer the letters  you send, she told me today that because of my blog, “I have many new friends.” I supply her a steady stream of envelopes and notecards and stamps.

Your letters are precious to her.

Sylvie is  serious and thoughtful, and deeply religious, she is a member of the Jehovah Witnesses.

She spends her days answering letters and poring over religious articles and books. She is one of my favorite portrait subjects. She was the daughter of diplomats and traveled all over Europe after World War II. She was first hospitalized there for mental issues.

Sylvie always greets me warmly and courteously, she always thanks me for every single thing I bring her.

She had two breakdowns and spent more than a decade in a special facility in Massachusetts. She is open and  honest with me, she has told me of the loss of a beloved dog in the Austrian mountains, she remembers hearing his cries echoing in the night.

Sylvie is very much the individual, she wears caps all year and walks in flowing dresses and big furry slippers. She had a lot of trouble getting the right clothes to wear in bed, she sometimes is cold, sometimes hot. I think we’ve figure it out. We went through a lot of slippers.

She fell in love twice in her life, she said, the last was Dan, someone she met in the Massachusetts facility where she lived for a long time. He died there while they were much in love.

Every Friday, Maria and I call the Bingo game (thanks for the great prizes) and I invite Sylvie to come. She always declines. Today, she came up to me and apologized for not playing. Sometimes she comes into the dining room where the games are played to sit with me.

“Why don’t you play?,” I asked.

“Because I used to play Bingo with Dan,” she said, “it was something he loved. And I can’t bear to play it anymore.”

Then she thought  about it, and added: “in his honor.”

I thought of hugging Sylvie, but I can’t remember her ever hugging me, or me hugging her. We are good friends, I think, but she is reserved, and so am I, and I don’t thing she needs or wants a hug.

I go by Red. If the resident doesn’t  touch or hug him, I don’t touch or hug them. That’s a good general rule to follow. Most of the residents love to be touched and need to be touched. Joannie hugs me intensely and with great feeling when I say goodbye. Almost everyone touches Red.

And in any case, I never hug anyone without asking. Now, after working so closely with them, there is a lot of hugging. Some cry when I leave after visiting with Red. They all gather to say goodbye.  Beyond the me.too movement, it’s a good rule to follow in the world for me: I ask before I touch anyone. Some people just don’t like it. I am one of them, except in the Mansion, where I am a hugging fool.

Sometimes I want to cry too, there is a lot of love flowing between me and them, and Maria and them. And I know I may not see them again, it happens quite often. A week is a very long time at the Mansion. No one will tell me if anyone leaves, I have to notice it. Sometimes I miss it.

I told Sylvie I understand completely why she doesn’t play bingo, but if she ever decides to, she would be most welcome.

“Thank you, Jon,” she said.

Sylvie loves your letters and we are working on helping her with addresses and stamps – many of her letters get returned, and she classifies those as “prayers.” I gave her a bagful of pens today, she loses a lot of pens and goes through a lot of notecards. Your letters are her link to the outside world, her mind is active and very sharp, so is her memory.

If you wish to write her,  you can send her letters care of Sylvie/ The Mansion, 11 S. Union Street, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

She works hard to return them. Stamped and self-addressed envelopes do help.

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