(Dr. Suzanne Fariello And Red, The Cambridge Valley Veterinary Clinic)

I’m coming to terms with Red’s new reality, and the challenge of dealing with his aging. Red nearly died last year of four different tick borne infections, the year before that he was stomped by our horse Chloe and suffered a spinal injury.

In the past two months, his cataract has advanced sharply in one eye, and is growing in the other.

At certain angles, he can only see shadows. Like so many active and working border collies, Red also has severe arthritis in his hind legs.  He is coming very near the end of his active sheep herding days. He is growing old. A vet tech smiled at Red, and looked at me.

So he is.

I see now that even the sheep are onto the fact that he can’t see them clearly, they are blowing him off and challenging him as he valiantly struggles to keep his powerful eye on them and anticipate their movements.

This is sometimes hard for me to watch and awful for a border collie. I see him struggle sometimes to stand up or lie down easily, his legs are so sore. Sometimes, the sheep can outrun  him, which never happened before.

Getting into the car is now painful and laborious for Red, he can’t really see the seats or the ground, it is taking him longer and longer to jump in or jump out.

He is at ease in the farmhouse, his senses help him navigate, he knows where everything is. He is content to be with me, but is quieter with each passing month.

Today, I took him to see Dr. Fariello at the Cambridge Valley Veterinary Clinic, she is my wisdom and guru when it comes to dog’s health. I trust her completely and respect her wisdom and experience. She examined him and agreed that his eyesight is worsening him and his legs seem very sore.

We are beginning a series of talks to figure out how to help Red and manage the rest of his life, which will, I firmly believe, be long.

A bright spot for both of us is that none of these issues in any way affect his therapy work at the Mansion, or in any hospice environment. His intuitive senses with people seem to be unaffected and as strong as ever. This will be the focal point for his work in the coming years. We are lucky in this, he loves this work and is wonderful at it.

Red is eleven years old, and it is time for me to take steps to ease his discomfort and confusion and prolong his life in a way that is healthy and that requires me to have perspective. Like many dog lovers, I would love to keep Red alive forever. I can’t and won’t try to do that.

It is time for me to embrace one of my core philosophies in life, the practice of radical acceptance. Like me, Red and I will grow older and die. That is a part of life.

“Clearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind and loving heart, is what I call Radical Acceptance” writes Dr. Tara Brach, a clinical psychologist, lecturer and author of the book Radical Acceptance.

“If we are holding back from any part of our experience, if our heart shuts out any part of who we are and what we feel, we are fueling the fears and feelings of separation that sustain the trance of unworthiness.”

The way out of the cages we put ourselves in, at least for me, has been in part this idea of Radical Acceptance, which I began to study and embrace several years ago, and to which I turn at difficult or important points in my life.

For me, it means accepting absolutely everything in my life, by embracing every minute of my experience with care, and without lament or complaint or panic.

In the case of Red, this means – I speak only for myself, I don’t tell other people what to do – accepting his limitations and helping him to structure his life around what he can do, not what he can’t or around what I would like him to do.

Ethically, I do not believe in subjecting unknowing and dependent animals to expensive and brutally invasive surgical procedures, which they can neither agree to or comprehend.  I will not spend many thousands of dollars to prolong a dog’s life, not because I can’t afford to, but because I believe it is wrong.

Surgery for cataracts with dogs is difficult, painful and very expensive. I won’t subject him to that, we will work to contain his eye issues and arthritis, to make him comfortable in a loving and careful way, and to help ensure that the rest of his life is as meaningful and full of love and connection as what has come before.

I choose not to be caught in the trance of guilt, unworthiness, or the judgments and solutions of other people. I love Red dearly, he has had the most remarkable impact on my life. I will never have another dog like him.

So this  is between him and me, and to some degree, Dr. Fariello. I know Red, and he knows me. No living thing loves me in quite the way Red does. That can be appreciated, but never replaced.

I am grateful to have my great love for Maria, I think it makes it simpler for me to keep Red and his aging in perspective.

We are looking into acupuncture, laser treatments and massage. We will innovate as we go along.

There may be some medications that might be helpful to Red. This part of my journey with Red is just beginning, and I will share it with you.

I appreciate your interest and support, both of which are profoundly valuable to me. And I have come to accept both in my life.