When I decided to overcome my fear and stop being employed by others, the results were radically different from when I began working for myself. As I aged, I came to realize that I was truly free for the first time in my life.
It was by no means sad or depressing; as I approached the age of 79, I felt a lightness and liberation I did not think possible. I wanted to talk about the experience and share.
Older men are among the forgotten and ignored elderly of our country. The older men I know have a rough time, ignored or often vilified. Most men are struggling to know where they stand and what they can do. It needs to be talked about.
I’ve decided to start a men’s group for older men, where we can, for perhaps the first time, talk about what it means to be old in a greedy and indifferent society, what is good about it and bad about it, what is easy and what is hard.
I learned in my own life what happened when the Saints used to call this “answering the call.”It was a wonderful choice; for the first time in my life, I was no one else’s servant. I answered the call and have never looked back.
There are all kinds of things I want to do.
Next week I’m having my first meeting at a nearby church to talk about a men’s group for old men with a pastor who gets me and likes the idea very much.
When I was at my Quaker Meeting in New Jersey, I started four of them; they were all successful, even though I found men can only talk openly with other men for a certain time.
When I crossed the threshold, I first passed into a dark and dangerous forest; it was like taking a plunge into the raging waters of a sea. One day, the sun came out, and I was free to make my own dreams and follow them.
I very much enjoyed the men’s groups I helped to start and belonged to. I want to do it again. I’ve been working toward it for much of my life.
I like the idea of doing my men’s group in a church, even though I am not religious in the typical way. Good pastors attract good people. Men of faith are often thinkers. I am a Jesus admirer and have often written about aging well on my blog.
I haven’t sorted out the details yet, but it’s a good idea. Aging is not a prison, but a liberation; we choose our own destinies. Men have rarely experienced a movement on their behalf that doesn’t involve sports, fighting, or seizing power.
I’m thinking of a group of six or seven men. The pastor can run it if he wishes, or I can run it if he wishes. Perhaps another man would wish to lead it. I have a good feeling about it.
More to come.
I know of a local group of older men called “ROMEOS” Retired Old Men Eating Out. Seems as if it is a fun group.
Good on them not for me though I have something else in mind j
Jon, it’s so hard for some men to have deep and abiding male friendships. I look at my own husband, and most of my girlfriends’ husbands, and none of them have tight friends like us women do. I see older men whose wives have died and they are adrift at sea, with literally no one but maybe their kids or grandkids if that. I see my girlfriends’ husbands and they are retired and do nothing but what needs to be done at home. I believe it’s due to the lone wolf thing, the rugged individualistic thing, the provider thing, the work until you drop thing, or the you might be gay if you have a bunch of male friends thing – the usual crap that men are taught about how to be men. Men like you, Jon, are unicorns. It is rare to find men who still have curiosity, who want to learn new things, who want to grow and expand, and who want to be vulnerable and authentic. The only place where I’ve seen men who were able to develop true friendships was in the 12-step groups, where there was a common, shared goal. These men met in groups, had each others’ backs, called to check on each other, showed up for each other, and spent time together just for fun. They understood that going it alone meant certain failure, that isolation kills. Many of the men that I know from those groups are still good friends. The 12 steps had a way of breaking down those old male rules and allowing men to be able to feel close and connected. I do so hope that your male group can happen, and that you and other men can find what you need there. I need my army of women, and couldn’t and don’t want to live without them.
I would be interested This is Frank from the food pantry
I’ll let you know if it takes shape
This is such a great idea, turning into a refuge for elderly men to find friendship, fun, acknowledgment, understanding, and soul nourishing growth and awareness. Bless you for exploring this. 🙏
Thanks, I’m excited about it..