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I think the most important thing in my life is inner peace, which is all the more disturbing when I know I don’t have it right now, and I suspect few of the people reading this do either.
My flowers give me peace and bring me calm, amidst all this conflict, uncertainty, and cruelty. It almost feels hypnotic, one awful thing after another, for years now. We are all on spiritual trial. I admit to going up and down.
I need to remind myself sometimes about humility – I’m not a Saint or a superman. I feel what everyone feels, no more, no less. Humility is about accepting what I don’t have, not just what I do have.
I won’t live in a world apart from the real world. My faith is what I see with my own eyes.
Since I don’t have a magic wand or Saint to put me at ease – the news is a continuous nightmare- this feeling of uncertainty will crop up whenever it feels like it. I can’t turn it off whenever I want to, and it is all around me. I’ll be honest about it.
I don’t have a God to turn to who can bring me true peace and who I can lean on. I need to be my own God. I can go out and take pictures, talk to Maria, visit our animals, hear from my readers, and take my photos. They all lift me, for which I am grateful.
I wish I could offer people more than that, but it does help me. There is something about flowers that brings me down to a good place and gives me the gift of peace. I don’t know what it is; I only know it works for other people and for me.
Love works for me. Life works for me. Creativity works for me. Kindness works for me. Laughing works for me. Small acts of great kindness work for me.
I feel sometimes that my weakness and helplessness cloud my vision and my balance. Sometimes it is difficult to feel strong and in control at the age of 79. It would be great if God would appear and guide me to peace.
This morning, I felt that I was asked to accept and understand everything, and I don’t know where to begin today. I did pray this morning for me, my family, and the people around me. I asked the spirits, in whom I do believe, to show me the way to freedom in detachment and reflection.
In the meantime, here are some photos for you. I offer what I have. I’ll be better in the morning. Come and take a look tonight.
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I learned to read over 75 years ago, and worked as a Librarian for over 35 years (most of them as cataloger). Since I’m now retired, I’m going through my collection. I have almost everything you published in hardcover, I’m sure. “Saving Simon” is not leaving my shelf, Jon. The Prologue to S.S. remains one of the best things I’ve ever read. I gathered your investigative reporting series on the NYC carriage horses and shared it with some ardent PETA members. Several of them were persuaded to protest AFTER thoughtful research instead of hysteria triggers. But that S.S. Prologue! Thank you!
I’m on the roller coaster with you Jon. It’s exhausting and spirit crushing at times. I learned about fascism early. My mother saw it firsthand having grown up in Tuscany and watching and helping Jews walking north to find safety in Switzerland. She spoke of the war and the great suffering it caused. That it’s happening here is unimaginable and heartbreaking. I reach out to both my parents (my father was on an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.) in my contemplations, both for their support and to remind them their efforts were not in vain. I feel proud that they fought for democracy and to destroy fascism. It is helpful to be in community, like here on your blog. Thank you for creating this community space. 🙏
Thanks Guiliana I appreciate the message. Hang in there. I think Help is on the way.