16 February

Threads Of Life, Taken For Granted. Notecards For The Mansion Residents

by Jon Katz
The Small Things: Threads Of Life

This week, I was sitting with several of the residents talking – we were doing some reading exercises – and one of them (I’ll call her Sheila, not her name)  asked if I could talk to her privately.  We went off to a nearby sofa, and she spoke hesitantly, and seemed about to cry. She was a very shy and quiet women, I had not spoken with her much, I told her it was okay to talk to me, I would listen.

Sheila was in her 80’s frail and soft-spoken. I didn’t know much about her.

She said had been getting letters from people for months, from all over the country and she loved them. Every morning, she took them to a hallway with bright light and read them, shared them, they were all in a pile in one of her drawers.

Then she was still.

So is there a problem?, I asked, curious.

She said she couldn’t answer them because she didn’t have any envelopes, or enough envelopes, nor the money to buy more. She needed the money she got each month, she send some to her granddaughter, who was always in trouble.

___

Working at the Mansion this year, and with the RISSE refugees and immigrants, my philosophy about helping has evolved as I have come to know the patients. At the Mansion, people still find me odd and a bit confusing. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a staffer, or a family member, or a typical volunteer. 

In a way, this is the story of me life. I guess I’m somewhat odd. I’m my own category. I’m not sure how to categorize myself, but I can tell from everyone’s reactions that they are still getting used to me, the staff as well.

i do feel very welcome there now.

The residents were shy at first, very reluctant to acknowledge need or vulnerability, wary of asking for anything. I think many are afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing, they get embarrassed. Red is a great ambassador, even the residents who don’t know my name know of Red and open up to him.

Part of this is pride, these are people who have worked all of their lives – just about every one – they are used to taking care of themselves, even though they have experienced some hard times as they age. These are usually people who never asked for anything in their lives, country people who are fiercely independent, now almost completely dependent.

Part of it is fear – it takes time to trust a stranger, even one with a dog, some worry that they will have to pay for the things I get for them, and they don’t have much if any, money. Typically, they get some cash once a month, either from family or Social Security, much of which can go for room and board. This is not the old age they expected to have.

They get used to giving up things they once took for granted.  They have lost almost everything they loved.

My idea is to look for the small things, the threads of life, the holes that appear when there is little disposable income and a growing list of needs.

The Mansion takes care of the basics – food and comfort and daily activities, medications, but they don’t have the resources or the staff to do much more. The residents can often become passive and accepting.

____

 

You could ask the people in the office, I told Sheila.

They would give you envelopes. Sometimes I do, she said, but I hate to ask them, they are so busy, and sometimes they run out, and people send me beautiful letters and I would love to send them a nice card back from time to time.

I translated in my head: Sheila was shy, perhaps embarrassed. She doesn’t ask for things.

Would it be possible, she asked?, for me to get her some nice notecards, she said she would pay me back over time when her money came in monthly. She knew I had helped another resident get some brassieres.

I told her she didn’t need to pay me back, and I thanked her for telling me what she needed, it was helpful. She seemed surprised, but didn’t argue. Sheila told me she always loved to write letters, she was, she said, once the family historian, keeping everyone informed of the news about one another.

Over the next day or so, I saw this was a common problem. Most of the residents didn’t have envelopes or stamps, some could not afford to buy them. The staff at the Mansion is always helpful with things like that, but there are many needs and expenses and some of the residents had just given up on responding to people. It bothered them also that they didn’t have special notecards.

This is one of those things that I had completely missed, and would not have noticed until Sheila asked. It’s one of the things I take for granted in life, one of those basic necessities I have never been without. Life is not like that in elder care facilities, they lose many things the rest of us take for granted.

People were almost desperate for notecards with envelopes. Monday, I’m going to go get some stamps, in case that is a problem.

Some people in the Army Of Good sent me some notecards to pass out and when I brought them in, I was swamped with people who saw them in my hands and wanted them, they spotted them from yards away. This is something they need, a civilizing and connecting tool.

These little things are the threads of life, messages and letters are a way to connect to the outside world and not be forgotten. These are the holes in their lives, usually small, that I try to fill and look to fill. I went to Battenkill Books and bought some nice notecards.

I’ll bring them in Monday and hand them out discreetly. There are a lot of letter writes in there who don’t get to write letters.

Along with books, writing letters is also an especially healthy activity, it gets people away from the ever-intrusive TV’s and thinking and creating.

I’ll also start looking for less expensive ones than the one I bought, I wanted these to be special.

If any of you have extra notecards lying around, please free to send them to me: Jon Katz, P.O. Box 205 State Route 22, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

I used to drive around with Red to visit different elder care facilities, but I see now that this work was limiting for me. I never got to know people well enough to help them with the lost threads and small holes in their lives.

I understand that it takes a long time for people to trust me enough to ask me for the things they need.

The people there will love these cards and appreciate the stamps,  and I will have the pleasure of seeing them sitting all over the Mansion and some of you good people may get the pleasure of receiving letters back.

22 February

The Notecards That Ate The Mansion. Wow!, Says The Post Office

by Jon Katz
The Notecards That Ate Bedlam Farm

I know something was up when I went to open up my Post Office Box, where I go every day to check on the mail and the messages from the Army Of Good. The box is small, but can handle a goodly number of letters. When there is a package or something too big for the box, Wendy, the clerk, leaves a small key to a nearby locker which I can open.

Today, there were a few letters and three keys to the two biggest lockers on the wall. I heard Wendy, who reads my blog and has handled many packages,  yell down the hall, “this just be stuff for the Mansion from you. We filled the two biggest lockers, you’ll need our big mail cart that we use for the carriers.”

Wendy was excited, that is a lot of parcel mail at one stretch for the Cambridge Post Office, and she wasn’t kidding. This big cart quickly overflowed, we couldn’t fit all of it in there, we had to carry excess packages out to the car. Wendy did the match, she said tomorrow was likely to bring even more parcels.

This is a lot of notecards, and thank you (I think we do have enough notecards here or on the way). The Mansion residents and staff will have enough cards and letters for a long time, and a bunch of people sent stamps in smaller envelopes.

For those of you who don’t know, I wrote a post last week asking for help, I realized that the Mansion residents need notecards and stamps so they can try to respond to the letters that they love, and also so the residents can write back and thank people for the letters and gifts that they sent.

I also realized that many of the residents don’t have the money to buy these things. Boy, did you respond. This cart is probably just one load of many. I can’t quite believe you all,  you are so full of compassion and empathy, and a drive to go good. The parcels seem to come from every state in the Union, and also from Canada, England, Ireland and France.

It will take a few days to sort through them and organize them, I promise you all of these will be put to good use. If there are any left over, I’ll distribute them to other elder care facilities in the area. None will go to waste. I might even sell a few of them at our “Night Of Four Skits” night in April to raise money for some outings.

I am a bit shell-shocked, and so was Wendy and Maria. I will get over it and be appropriately grateful. What a wonderful thing we are building here. I was thinking of writing a piece about being true to the heart.

I feel all of you are being true to the heart, as I hope be as well. Thank you, thank you, I have to go and haul some parcels into the farmhouse, and I have no idea where to put them. Wendy says the cart will be available tomorrow. You have a lot of good people out there, she said.

12 July

Brooms, Witches Hats: The Mansion Halloween Ball Takes Shape. You Can Help

by Jon Katz

The first wave of Halloween witch’s hats and broomsticks have arrived at the Mansion. I’ve ordered 25 of each. Tania Woodward, a Mansion aide, is planning a big, morale-boosting evening ball which I have volunteered to support.

The rest of the brooms and hats will be coming this week.

The party will be set for the late afternoon around Halloween or early evening according to Tania, part outdoors, part indoors. She hopes to do some things when it gets a little dark.

Covid rules are changing constantly. Obviously, the Mansion will adhere to CDC and state regulations. regarding social distancing. Zinnia and I are invited.

Tania wants this to be special, so she’s starting early. There is lots to do.

You can help if you wish. You can make or send Halloween favors.

Some packaged Halloween-themed candies would be appreciated, along with photos, favors, wall hangings, banners,  paintings, notecards, and letters.

We hope to make this a special day, and Tania plans for the residents to perform a Halloween Dance on the Mansion lawn.

The residents were beaten down during the worst of the Covid plague; we hope this will perk them up. They love to dance, and they love to dress up.

We’ve got both ends covered.

Any help would be appreciated; I’ll take care of the broomsticks, hats, and other special or pricy needs.

You can send your offerings to The Mansion, c/o Tania Woodward, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816. And thanks.

I’m excited to imagine the Mansion residents dancing and chatting outside in the night. I’ll be there.

I’ll keep you posted as we move along.

9 November

Recognizing The Work Of The Mansion Aides

by Jon Katz

This is Mansion Aide Recognition Month here on the blog. So far, we’ve given the Mansion aides:

-A $50 Amazon Gift Card each.

-Pens that say “To Our Better Angels, The Mansion Aides.”

-We’ve ordered cookie/holiday boxes for each aide.

-I taking a portrait photo of each aide and putting it on the blog.

-Notecards in boxes for each aide.

The idea is to give some attention and recognition to some of the hardest working and most loving people I’ve ever seen: the Mansion aides.

They deserve ever bit of attention that they get.

25 October

A New Holiday Idea For The Mansion Residents

by Jon Katz
Holiday Idea

I’ve ordered the Amazon Gift Cards For The Mansion Aides, and I had another inexpensive idea for some of the residents, an idea I had last year but which got lost in the shuffle.

Thanks to the Army Of Good and the Mansion staff, the residents usually get a beautiful Christmas celebration the week before Christmas.

But I know that many of the residents wish they could also choose their own very modest presents to give to some of the aides and to their friends, other residents of the Mansion.

The Mansion is a Medicaid facility, and most of the residents live on a tight monthly budget, they don’t always have money left over for gifts.

The gifts they tell me they would love to give would be simple and inexpensive – a book, notecards, a beaded necklace, a tie bracelet, a pin, a colored pen, a book for their kids. They never ask for anything expensive.

A number have asked me if I could help, they tell me they will pay me back as soon as they can, but I don’t think that will be necessary. I’d like to raise no more than $400 so that the residents who wish to can buy gifts for each other and for the aides who care for them.

I think this would give them great pride, and a sense of participating in the holidays in an important way, something that is, in some ways, lost to them. At this coming time of year, they are the loneliest, and they miss their old lives the most.

I think it would be easy to raise this money – someone sent a donation already on Paypal, and I just barely mentioned the idea in a previous post.

I would ask the residents what they wish to get, and if they can’t get out to get it themselves – a van goes to Wal-Mart once a week –  I would purchase the gift for them, and get it wrapped.

It would be a great surprise if the residents could pass out their own gifts during the holidays. This would be offered to every resident, although I don’t think all of them could do it.

Some wouldn’t wish to, and I would, of course,  respect that. I don’t know precisely how many gifts would be involved, I would make sure they are modest and simple.

If there is any overage, it would be applied to the general Mansion Fund. I’m thinking gifts would be in the $5 to $10 range, plus wrapping and notecards.

I would do this all quietly (as quietly as one can do it off a blog) and make  certain everyone would have a gift for the person they love or who helps care for them.

I think the aides would be delighted as well. They are entitled to surprises too, and it would give aides and residents a common sense of a holiday.

Thanks so much for your support of the Mansion Gift Card Project, that will be a joy.

If you wish to help the residents – I think small donations should do it – you can send a payment to me, Jon Katz, P.O. Box,205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, or via Paypal, [email protected]. Please mark it “Holiday Gifts/Mansion.”

And thanks.

I believe in small acts of kindness, we can go far at relatively little expense, and this is the season of good, or at least we can help make it that way.

I’m quite focused on the Mansion these days, especially around the holidays, when Red and I are most needed, I think. We will make it special, and with your help, there will be another full and dazzling Christmas celebration.

Thanks.

Bedlam Farm