My weather app is having a near meltdown over the storm of the century, now perhaps the storm of the month for most of us. I admire the power of Mother Earth, she is not willing to be programmed or modeled or labeled, she goes where she wants when she wishes, as if to tell us, “I am my own spirit, you cannot be telling me what to do or where to go.”

When I went to bed, my App told me there was a winter storm warning, be prepared, and then I got a text or two from my utility app and an emergency weather app I never heard of advising me – I am officially old, I guess – that people my age should remain indoors, it was not safe to be outside. Thank God there is not an open heart surgery app, they probably would keep me in bed for a week.

I got up in the middle of the night to check on things, and I saw my weather apps were having a meltdown, they were issuing new alert after new alert, Mother Earth had pulled a fast one and asserted herself. My winter warning quickly because a watch, then  an advisory, then an alert, then absolutely nothing but a normal prediction of light snow and some chilly weather.

I was a bit confused, because yesterday the apps were quite arrogant and assertive, they were assuring me that life as we know it was soon to end, and not pleasantly. This morning, some of the arrogance was gone, there was much flailing around explaining computer models and how one says one thing, another says another. In journalism, we used to call this like watching a monkey try and fuck a football.

I got a text video from a weather channel, the weather man had on thick glasses (whenever a TV anchor has thick glasses, you know he is struggling to look smart, not struggling to see.). He explained that the forecast on Saturday – which said the storm was going out to sea was correct, so was the forecast Sunday night, which said the storm was not going out to sea, and then the forecast on Monday, which said some of the storm was going out to sea but some wasn’t was also correct, but turned out to be slightly wrong. Got it?

The Weathermen cannot simply say they are sorry, only that their computer models are difficult. It doesn’t matter, really, I took this photo this morning, and we aren’t even close to getting the big storm.  Maybe next time, we will be prepared but not so frightened. This is just another day in upstate New York in January, like the farmers say, if you don’t like snow, move further South.