April 29, 2010 – Went on “Dog Talk” at WAMC (Northeast Public Radio) today to talk about animal grieving. Lots of calls, lots of guilt, lots of loss. I am much enjoying writing about animal grieving, I have a lot of feeling about it. I’ve evolved quite a bit in the past couple of years. Divorce and a meltdown does open you up. It is clear that people are feeling more and more like their dogs are their children in many ways, and while this has concerned me, I am coming to understand it better. I think I needed to be opened up emotionally to see it more clearly, and that has happened and is happening.
Dogs and children are very different things to me, yet I see how the emotional attachments can be very simliar, and equally powerful. A truck driver called in. He rode around the country with his dog, gave him injections, cries when he thinks of him. It was a powerful call and I am seeing the pain and loss more clearly, and perhaps feeling it more acutely. I’ve lost a lot, in my life and with animals. And I’ve gained a lot. Haven’t sorted all of that out.
Bedlam Farm notecards for Mothers Day. Quilts, potholders, bags also.
After years of resisting the notion, there is affordable and functional art available from Bedlam Farm. Flower, chicken, egg and dog notecards that can be seen and purchased at Redux. Quilts, potholders, Sparky and other bags from Maria. We believe in making affordable art that you can use. Our work gets out into the world, and while there is not much money to be made, it is satifying and rewarding. Check it out. We like the idea of Mom’s enjoying the farm’s creative crops.
April 29, 2010 – I can’t really describe what it means to get up in the morning, go outside to let the dogs out, and see my donkeys in their customary greet-the-day positions. The scene reminds me of what these animals have meant to me, how they helped ground me, what they taught me,and what they mean to me. I guess I had to get my affairs straight with human beings first, and resolve some issues in my own life before I could open myself up to it. The photo suggests the truth – animals are sentinels, guideposts, signals, doors that open and close. Each morning I return to my favored ritual, saying good morning to the donkeys, bringing them a carrot, or apple, or piece of bread. They come over, eat, present themselves for scratching and then we go about our business. But they touch my heart, lift my spirit, brush against my soul.
It is good to see them back.
Herding note: Rose and I will not be at Merck Forest today (Thursday) or Friday. We will be back at Merck at 2 p.m. Sunday. Today I will be on WAMC out of Albany (Northeast Public Radio) discussing animal grieving with Joe Donahue.
When I first met Maria, she was an artist who hadn’t worked at her art for some time for many different reasons. She never explained, but she seemed sad about it. She told me she had no space to work, and I could see how much she missed her art, and I offered the use of the Studio Barn, which I was thinking of tearing down. It was, to me, an ugly building, built in the 70’s by one of the former farmers who owned my farm. I was happy to see it used, and had been looking for an artist who needed workspace.
The old farmer built it to repair and sell appliances. It was ugly to me, having none of the classic and dignified look of old barns. It blocked the beautiful view of the valley. Maria seemed uncomfortable with the offer, but couldn’t refuse it. She was quiet, and never said much about her work or life. She came to the Studio Barn late at night, or in the early morning hours, always coming so quietly that I did not know she was there. At night sometimes, I would look out and see the lights from the Studio Barn, sitting out aglow over the edge of the hill, things being sewn but never seen. She never once came to the farmhouse.
I decided never to bother her while she was working. And she never bothered me. I was like that for a year. Then I brought her tea on bitter cold nights, sometimes popcorn. When I knocked and went in, I would find Mother the Barn Cat sitting on one of Maria’s soft chairs, purring happily. In exchange for the barn, Maria insisted on taking care of the animals on weekends, and she came and went just as quietly, never disturbing me and I only knew she was there when the dogs barked, and then they stopped. I would look out sometimes and see her giving the sheep and donkeys treats, talking with them, brushing them. Frieda was too wild and crazy for her to bring.
Maria loved the Studio Barn from the beginning, she thought it was a beautiful building. She wrote on her blog that if we ever sold the farm, she would burn it down before seeing someone else there. And by then I already knew she was not so quiet, or so shy.
I loved looking out across the road, and seeing the Studio Barn lit up like some aging freighter on the sea, and I smile, knowing beautiful things are being made there by a creative and gentle soul. Life seems right to me.
It’s always a treat to wander into the Studio Barn and see what the fiber elf has cooked up. This quilt, nearing completion, is the “Goddess Quilt,” already sold. Maria’s new website is nearing completion. She is making quilts, potholders. handbags, bookbags, and soon, I hope, Ipad bags. You can see her work at her current site.
